float_on_alright | Entries tagged with goals!

I haven’t written much since I wrapped up my 2018 goals. I think the only thing I’ve written was when I posted about how I did on my goals last week. I meant to do goals for this week and I forgot. I didn’t get home until almost midnight last night and I was utterly exhausted (not to mention that I was exhausted). At some point, I thought to myself, “I don’t think I’m going to make a word count writing goal for myself this year.” And it was like a huge wave of relief hit me. I’m still going to write. I want to do my short stories/drabbles for each month of the year, and I’ll have plenty of homework assignments to do. I know I’ve got lots of discussions to do for both of my classes not to mention papers and assignments. I just feel bogged down by the tracking and word count goals at the moment. I’m thinking that taking a year off from that might reset me a little.

Current Mood: tired

It feels good to know that I’ll be off tomorrow too. I think it was definitely the right decision for me to take the day off of work. If would be getting ready to leave work now if I had gone in today and while I might have gotten some writing done, I doubt it would’ve been much. I wouldn’t have gotten to stay up late last night reading and writing. I wouldn’t have gotten to sleep into today before getting started on my tasks. And I would’ve had to have spent an hour and a half in the car just for the commute. I was going to try to edit the blog post today from home. I was going to count it towards my words goal for the year, but I just don’t feel like thinking about work stuff right now. All that can and will just have to wait until I go back on the second. Jared did say it was fine if that’s what happened, and I think it just will have to be that way. I know it’s going to be a little rough because I’ll only work two days and then I’ll be off Friday and then I’ll be working the weekend.

And shit, it’s only a matter of days before I start grad school, which is just hurting my brain.

I’m hoping after all this time off and the mini decluttering/spring cleaning adventure I’ve been having that I’ll be in a better head space to do my job and take care of shit at work. There’s no telling of course. Could be I’ll back and still not “feel like” doing my damn job. I’ll still mostly get it done though. I hope that I’ll be productive and steady. With school too. It’s going to be interesting for sure, but I want to do well.

Still, I think it was the right choice. I have goals that I’ve almost met and if I can get them done or super close to done, I think I’ll feel good about going into the New Year.

It’s such an arbitrary thing, the New Year. It makes a lot more sense to go by the lunar calendar than it does the arbitrary Georgian calendar we’ve created where the New Year doesn’t line up with anything. I feel like the Winter Solstice would actually be the best choice, honestly. That would’ve made the most sense as far when to start the year, but no one asked me. It had to have been dudes who came up with this shit, because I cannot imagine a woman going, “let’s start it on this random day here.” I wonder if the first time they started this calendar if it was the first new moon or something that they were going to hit, or something similar. I suppose I could look into it, but I really have more important things to be working on right now.

As things stand right now, I need five more books to meet the reading goal I wasn’t going to set for myself for the year, and about 1,500 words to meet my less arbitrary writing goal. I honestly don’t remember making any other goals for myself for the year. I had the thought that I wanted to be able to do a pull up by February or March of 2019, but a lot of my physical fitness stuff has been derailed for the moment. My eating has gotten totally out of hand too, but that’s beside the point for the moment. I may get around to the unassisted pull-up thing again at some point in my future, but I think my focus for the upcoming year needs to be work and school. I still want to write stories, but I’m thinking drabble type vignettes for each month this year instead of longer stories. I think Reb and I had talked about 500 words or something like that, which seems like a good idea. I don’t want to give up on my writing goal or on writing altogether, but that has to come second to school assignments and life.

Ever time I think of all the things I’ve taken on at work, I start to feel overwhelmed. It’s all going to be okay and so is school. I don’t have as much on my plate as some people, and it’s definitely all going to be okay.

I think I will set some goals for myself though for the year. I’m going to be thinking about that tonight and for the next few days. For now, I’m going to see about reading a few more comics, and then I’ll see if I can finish my SnowBaz story before dinner so I can edit while we watch The Meg and post before midnight.

I’m gonna make it. I’m going to make my goals. Woohoo!

Current Mood: bouncy

This weekend has been such a wonderful mix of relaxation and productivity. I’ve got a mountain of recycling, nearly a full bag of trash, and a pile of books and another pile of clothes to donate somewhere. I thought I was going to be able to stack my Funko Pops two high on my bookcase if I had an empty shelf. As it turns out, the bookshelf is about three millimeters too short to stack the Funkos by two in their boxes. As that’s the case, I did one layer on that bookshelf of Wonder Woman related Funko Pops (I have three different Wonder Woman Pops plus two other characters from the DC movie), and then I took the ones that I had already taken out of their cases to display and put them on top of the layer of boxed ones. Width wise, five is about perfect on the shelf. They fit just snugly enough to look right, but not so snug that anything is forced or squished. I actually might be able to slightly adjust the height of the shelves so I may have to look into that at some point. Right now the remaining encased Funko Pops are on the top of my writing desk like they’ve always been, but distributed more evenly and not precariously stacked three or four high like they were. The ones I left on the the writing desk are all Marvel. The unpacked ones are unrelated--Holtzman, Sailor Moon with Luna, and an Adipose from Doctor Who, of all things. The Adipose was a gift from a Secret Santa a few years ago.

My secret Santa this year got me this amazing block “K” that’s close to a foot tall and about seven or eight inches across and it’s “modge podge”-ed with old Marvel comic covers and characters. It’s beautiful. And the original purple Hawkeye is on there, along with all the heavy hitters--Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Captain America, and Spider-Man. Honestly, that Hawkeye is on there with the “big” ones is a little surprising. He’s on there a few times and he’s definitely the “least popular”/”well known” character on the thing by what feels like a lot. I know me and a few of my friends are big Hawkeye fans, but I feel like we’re not the “norm.”

One of my favorite cosplays from Dragon Con this year was a guy dressed up as Faction’s Hawkeye with a sign that said something like, “Hawkeye is a better than Green Arrow; change my mind.” I flipping loved it. But it’s still a thing that people don’t care that much about Hawkeye. I have friends who literally care about him only because… Actually, it would be better to say they only care about me and therefore put up with my obsession, but that’s okay, I love them for it.

I feel like I should check in. I definitely didn’t have great focus today. I did get a lot done in my room, but there is still a lot of little stuff to get done. I’ve decided that I’m not going to tackle my bathroom until New Year’s Day. And my focus for tomorrow is going to be writing until it’s time to have a movie marathon virtually with Reb. I thought about going out and about. I have that invite with the Harry Potter people and I got another invite today from a former coworker to come to her place tomorrow for a sort of “open house” party from noon until “whenever.” it was a super sweet offer and I did think about it, but for me its far more important that I focus on writing a story and posting it, reading 11 more things that I can count towards my Goodreads list, and continuing to work on my room/bathroom. Plus, after all the socialization and family time from the last couple of weeks, and the nature of my job and how much outreach I’ve been doing lately, well, my social battery felt like it was not only drained but also leaking acid. I’m starting to feel charged again, but I don’t know if I’m back to “going to a party where I won’t really know anyone there very well” levels of battery power. Actually, I know I’m not at that level.

I’m feeling much better depression wise today. There are some sneaky things still happening, but there aren’t as many, I don’t think, and I definitely physically feel like I have more energy and focus. I know it could be a coincidence, but it really seems like the Vitamin D has had a huge, positive impact on me.

On a side note, I’ve been going through my stuff as I’ve mentioned, and I keep coming across the notes on my story from the Dragon Con writing workshop two years ago. I’ve decided to burn everything paper I have from that day. I’m tired of it holding so much power of me. I don’t know if burning it will help, but I’m hoping that the act of burning those pages will release some of that ugly sway they still seem to have on me. There’s no way to know, of course, not really. But I feel like the act, in and of itself, is sort of ritualistic.

We don’t have a fireplace--well we do, but it’s gas and encased in glass--but we do have a fire tub in the backyard. It’s a massive thing though and there are a few obstacles. Firstly, it's in the backyard, which I mentioned earlier is currently a swap with a very muddy canine beast in it. Getting back there without being tackled by said mud beast is not going to be easy. Also, I don’t have any clothes never mind shoes that I want to sacrifice at the moment, and with the mud out there like it is right now, that’s what would have to happen. I could go in shorts and bare feet, but I have a dog who poops in the backyard and its kind of cold. The papers I’m burning are not going to be enough to constitute a “fire” by which to keep warm.

We also have a charcoal grill which could work. If I took the grate out, I’d have a nice mini tub in which to put the papers before dropping in a lit match. That could work. I think that’s in the garage and it likely wouldn’t be nearly so big a deal to use. It would also probably be easier to clean out the ashes after. The only question is whether or not dad still has charcoal in the damned thing since the last time he used it.

I know I could just toss them or put them in the recycle. Or shred them with my hands and then threw them out, which I suppose could have its benefits, but there’s something about the idea of lighting them on fire that’s really calling to me and I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until I’ve watched them shrivel in flames until they’re nothing but flecks of burned paper. I think seeing that happen and knowing that I’ll never have to look at them again and that no one else will ever see the words on the pages again is going to be therapeutic. I’m a little concerned that I’m going to give in to laziness and not make the point of burning the pages because I think it really is vital that I burn them to nothing. Hopefully, I’ll stand my ground on this for myself. I think it’s really what I need.

Well unlike last night at 2 am, I am starting to feel sleepy (I was jacked up until well into the morning last night, not sure why, but sometimes you just got to roll with it). I should try working on my story a little before I pass out for the night, if I can manage it.

Current Mood: sleepy

I decided to take a little break. Not that I’ve been working solid or anything, but my ankle was feeling tired and I’d just finished one of the movies I’ve had on while I work on this stuff so it seemed like a good time to sit and write for a bit. The unfortunate thing is that I’ve just realized how hungry I am which is total bollocks because I ate lunch… actually, I guess that was two or three hours ago. I didn’t eat a proper breakfast either unless you count eating BBQ chips and tablespoons of peanut butter and honey at 5:30 in the morning before you go to sleep “eating breakfast.” Cause, yeah I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

I feel bad about the dog. I don’t feel confident about walking her and right at this moment, I can’t afford to pay someone to walk her. And she’s not getting a ride around town in my car either. She’s a filthy, filthy mess. It’s been raining the majority of the last week. We had one really nice day in the middle but otherwise, it’s been rain, rain, rain. Sometimes I feel like North Carolina doesn’t have a “winter” it has a “rainier season.” The backyard is flooded. I’m not too worried about the house or anything because we sit pretty high up and we’re on a concrete slab (no crawl space) so we’re not likely to have issues with the water. I guess it could cause issues with the support structure of the back porch, but it seems to be holding up fine. I think it too is high enough to stay out of sitting water. They did a good job for the house when they grated. The front yard too. The backyard though is a pond. It doesn’t help that between the three dogs we’ve had over the years here there are a ton of holes in the ground. Some of those holes are over six inches deep and over a foot wide. They hold A LOT OF WATER and because the grass doesn’t properly grow in a lot of these spots, it’s a literal recipe for mud puddles.

The dog is so dirty that in drying off on the porch she’s left mounds of dirt on the back porch. The stairs up to the porch are now the color of the not-quite-red clay we have here.

Which is all to say there is no way I’m putting her in my car. My car is enough of a mess without adding that. Granted my back seat is cluttered with books and other such things at the moment, and I have enough on my plate for the moment that I don’t feel like adding “cleaning the car” to the list. I really should get the hookah stuff out of there. It’s been in my trunk for like a year. It should probably go in my closet or something. But I’m already in the midst of trying to make that a less dangerous place I’m not sure that I want to add anything else. Actually, once I’m finished with the work I’m doing right now I should have a spot for it. I see it coming together in my head and I think it’s going to be good. I’ve got a little stand in there that might work well in my office too.

I’m also looking into donating a few more of my books. I want to open up space on my bookshelf for some of my Funko Pops. They’re not displayed in a great way at the moment and I’d like to see them in a better spot. Not to mention that I don’t currently have room for any more and as much I love them, there’s no way I’ve bought the last pop I’m ever going to buy. This is also supposed to be the year we get Wynonna Earp pops.

I still haven’t watched the second part of the third season. I know it’s dumb, but I’m still grieving Dolls. He’s a fictional character, I know, but one of my favorite parts of the show was watching the two of them interact. Really, all of Dolls interactions with all the other characters were some of my favorite things. I know the actor is getting to go onto bigger and better things, and I’m happy for him. But, the best parts of the show for me was how he was growing and how he was with the other cast members. Him mentoring Nicole? Dolls sort of fathering Waverly? Him challenging Doc? Him butting heads with Nedley? Those were the best things about the show behind him and Wynonna and Nicole and Waverly.

I love Nicole and Waverly, they’re fantastic, and I don’t want to give up on their story. I don’t want to give up on Wynonna either. Her growth is… great. Melanie Scarfano is a phenomenal actress. And the writing on the show is pretty great overall. There is so much to love about the show, there really is, but I’m devastated that Dolls isn’t part of the team anymore.

He’s a fictional character, but he’s just so near and dear to my heart, I can’t stand it.

Not that Dolls or Wynonna Earp are my priorities at the moment. I suppose I could use the time I’m working on reorganizing to catch up on season three, but it’s hard enough not to get distracted by the TV when I’ve got stuff on it that I’ve already seen or is just generally lighthearted enough that it won’t matter if I miss anything. You listen to a Hallmark movie and keep up, you don’t actually have to watch it.

Anyway, I’m hungry and I have a ton of work left to do so I’m going to leave this here for now.

Current Mood: amused

I don’t think I mentioned earlier, when I said I wanted to read 416 books, I do also mean things like picture books and comics and such as well as actual books. I’ve read a ton of actual books, but I think trying to read 416 full novels in a year would be a hell of a thing. I’m not going to say that such a thing is impossible, no no. But it certainly isn’t something I think could manage myself. I mean maybe, if I didn’t work. Even so I’m not ready to find such a thing out, if I’m honest. I like my job, even when I’m aggravated with it or stressed or anxious. I do absolutely love what I do overall. I definitely don’t want to know what it’s like to be unemployed. That is not thing I want to experience right now.

Anyway, I finished two books today, but I’d already finished one of them when I was writing earlier so I have 15 books/comics/novellas/et cetera to read to go before I reach 416. I have a couple of comics I wanted to catch up on so that will help. I also have a graphic novel I’ve started. When I finish all that I’ll probably be about eight books away still, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I started going through my closet which meant emptying several tubs. I left a lot of it on my bed so to attempt to motivate myself to do more tonight before I go to bed. Enough that I can get into my bed again. I’m not 10000% sure that will happen. But I figure I can always sleep in my sister’s old bed if I need to. And that would mean the sunlight coming through in through the window in the morning would probably wake me up at a more reasonable hour than I might otherwise get up, which would not be a bad thing. I’ll definitely sleep later in my own bed/room than I would in that one. But I would also sleep better in my room/bed than I would in my sister’s. And while it wouldn’t be bad for me to get up at a reasonable hour, I won’t be very productive if I’m not rested. If I really want to get up early, I can also set an alarm.

That said, I still don’t know if I’m going to find the motivation to go work on the stuff in my room enough to clear my bed yet. It’s already midnight and there is a lot of stuff. Granted, the longer I sit here not working on it, the tougher things are going to get. At least I’m feeling pretty awake at the moment. That’s not a great thing in the long run since I really do need to keep a decent sleep schedule so that going back to work isn’t the suckiest thing ever. Of course, I am who I am and the whole night owl thing is not likely to go away any time soon if it hasn’t already. I’m not sure if I wanna sing along to my music or watch another movie or TV show or start another book while I work. I guess I’ll see how I feel when I get up there.

But I really should get to it. Wish me luck--I’m taking my wine and a ton of garbage bags with me.

Current Mood: amused

I did say that I wasn’t going to create a reading goal for myself this year, back last year when I was wrapping up last year’s goal, but a little over halfway through the year, I knew I wanted to try to reach 416 books for the year. In October it looked like it would be easy peasy to make it to that. I was on track to make it with time to spare. But depression hit and, not realizing what had happened, I sunk into my Hallmark Christmas movie marathon and I let the fun of those movies keep my mood buoyant. I don’t really regret my (ongoing, to be honest) marathon. It’s something I enjoy, and I know that it helps me keep in a good, pleasant mood regardless of the inner turmoil that happens.

I suppose I really should learn not to spend so much time masking the symptoms of my depression, but when you don’t realize what’s happening, it can be hard to realize what you’re doing. What do they say about recognizing there’s a problem is the first step? Sometimes that’s all the further in the steps people get, but it is an important one nonetheless.

Anyway, I don’t regret my ongoing Christmas oblivion marathon though I wish I could’ve done more writing and reading too. There’s nothing I can do about that part now.

Back to my original point. I think. So to make my goal of 416 books, I’d have to read 16 more books between now and Monday at 11:59 pm. That’s like two and a third days away.

I’m still a ways from my final writing goal too. I’m about 7,000 words shy of my final goal.

I also need to do a lot of cleaning, decluttering, and clearing of trash which I want to do before I start school in a week and a half (holy shitttttt!).

Now I did a little tiny bit of dusting today, which is great and necessary, but not necessarily the most important part of the cleaning/clearing/decluttering thing that needs to happen.

The good news is I’m off until the 2nd so I do have the next three days and nine hours off. I’ll spend nearly half that sleeping, but that will be good for me probably. The other good news is that I have the house to myself until Friday which means that any work I want to do, I won’t have to do around anyone else’s schedule. That actually is kind of a big deal, because sometimes the time of day I’m most motivated to work on something is at stupid o'clock in the morning or even 7:30 at night when someone else would want me downstairs for dinner with them and watching TV and relaxing for the night. It’s not that I don’t enjoy doing that, but sometimes my rhythm being off from other people’s makes it tricky to get things done.

The other good news is that I can listen to books while I clean. I may not, at least not all the time. I’ve been listening to a lot of music today because singing feels really good and I can be as loud as I want. Singing is something that’s always been good for not only my mood but also my mental health.

I realized last night that part of this depression is likely from lack of vitamin D. I get out of the habit of taking vitamin D in the summer because I spend a good chunk of time out by the pool sunbathing. During the summer there’s enough light, during enough of the day that I’m not severely lacking vitamin D. They haven’t proven conclusively that low vitamin D equals/causes depression, but they have found correlations between the two and brain function is supported by vitamin D to an extent. At any rate, I think there is a link for me. And considering how common seasonal affective disorder is, I think there’s a good chance that vitamin D is important in keeping depression at bay. I had also run out of my multivitamin and wasn’t taking it either. I had started to take my vitamins again and it was maybe two days after I started taking the multivitamin again that I realized I had been in another slump. Then I took my vitamin D tablets last night as well as the multivitamin and I can say for sure that I am feeling better today than I have been. I have to think that the two are connected. It’s an important thing to learn for sure!

I’ve gotten off topic again, but that’s okay.

The final thing I need to do is write my last story for the year. I need one story for December and I can say that I’ve written a story every month this year. That I’ve gotten to eleven is something I’m pretty damned proud of, honestly, but it makes me all the hungrier to make one last story before the end of the year so I can have one for this month. I have been working on a SnowBaz story so that may work if I can finish it. That’ll be something I have to work on at some point.

The thing I may have to give up for the weekend is my Pokemon Go obsession. That’s the other thing that’s been a huge masker of my depression. It’s been so much fun to get obsessively into it, but I can’t drive around for hours playing that and still be able to meet my goals. I mean I can listen to books while I do that, but it would be better for me to be working on my room and closet while I listen to books or music or continue my Christmas movie marathon in the background honestly.

So here’s to the next two days of madness, I guess. I expect I’ll be checking in repeatedly to give updates. I know it's unlikely that I'm going to meet ALL these goals in time, but I'm going to really try.

Current Mood: hopeful

I told myself that I would write 5,000 words this work week. I didn’t say 1,000 words a day, but that’s basically the idea. It’s a bit of a stretch goal, but I really do want to make my writing goal for the month. I won’t be able to make my writing goal for the month if I don’t seriously step up my game and if I don’t make my goal for the month, I’m not going to make my goal for the year.

I told myself that I would not set a reading goal for this year, but in my head I do think I secretly wanted to beat out every other year I’ve tracked on Goodreads. I’ve done that for sure. In both page numbers and books read, I’ve beaten all the other years I’ve done on Goodreads. I am excited about that.

I did set a Goodreads goal for the year, only because I knew I’d have no trouble reaching. I set the goal to be a book a week for the year. Well, as I went along and reached that and then double that, and then tripled that, I started to wonder if maybe I could quadruple that.

The thing is, I know the reason that the idea of quadrupling my book count is a way to pour myself into reading (and avoid reality AND writing at the same time) and still feel like I’ve accomplished something amazing.

If I weren’t also watching Christmas movies and playing Pokemon Go, I would make it without question, but I am doing those things. And I love those things so I don’t want to give them up either.

I hate that I have to choose. I know life is full of tough choices and that you can’t have everything all the time, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to whine about it.

Who knows what I’m really going to be able to pull off between now and New Year’s Eve. I sure don’t.

Current Mood: busy

Ridiculous or not, I’m already working on when I can go see “The Meg” again. I know it’s not actually a good movie. I do know that, intellectually. I know there were a lot of goofs. I really do, but God help me; I am in the throes of obsession, and there just isn’t anything I can do to pull myself out of that descent. Next week I think a lot of it will calm down because I’ll be gearing up for DragonCon and today when they released the schedule I spent a lot of time working on “my schedule” for the weekend. There is so much I’m going to want to do, and I’m absolutely jumping for joy over trying to map out the schedule in my mind. Granted, before I can get to that I have quite a few work days and quite a lot of work left to do.

The primary things I need to get done this week for work are:

Reading my graphic novel book club book.
Writing the discussion questions and sending them out to the book club.
Writing a rough draft of my teen blog for September.

My personal life goals for the week are:

Write at least 750 words a day. If I can do that I’ll be in line to finish my writing goals before I head to Atlanta. Preferably, I’d like to be ahead of that goal.
Write my August story--get the rough draft done.
Pick a resume to submit to be edited/reviewed and upload it to my NC Central Application.
Be close to done with my DragonCon Costume.

I’m excited because I ordered purple hair wax and I think I’m going to try it out this week to see how it does. I think that will be fun. I could really use a hair trim before I go too, but I don’t have time to see the guy I like, nor do I want to spend that kind of money right now. I could go to Great Clips or similar, but it’s always a little risky for me. Sometimes I get a great haircut from then, most of the time I get a decent one, but occasionally it’s awful. Once I got a haircut, and one side of my hair was left about an inch and a half longer than the other side, and when I told the lady that I was lopsided, she insisted I was wrong. I was not wrong. Someone else mostly fixed it later, but by then my hair was much shorter than I wanted. I may need to risk it though because my hair is getting desperate and I do not have a ton of spare time.

And money… well, I always spend more than I should but with the items I’ve been getting for my costume (inexpensive stuff, but still), the trip down to DragonCon, and then the upcoming England/Ireland trip. Well, it’s a lot of money to be spending. I’m not sure adding a $50 + haircut to the mix is a good idea. Plus, great clips would be fast. The one near my house closes at 9 pm which means I might even be able to get it done tonight or tomorrow after work which would be great. I also need my oil changed, and one of my tires has low pressure.

I think if I reach my writing goal by 10, I’m going to read the new Charity Parkerson book tonight. I say “book,” but it’s more of a novella as it’s only 94 pages. I’ve been curious about “Kentucky” who is the main character for the book for a while. He’s popped up in a couple of books so it should be fun to read about him. It should only take me a couple of hours to read, so long as it’s “good” (not to be confused with “good quality” mmkay? I like my trash) and I will get a nap between the gym time in the morning and going into work.

Current Mood: busy

I’m tired tonight. We had fun wandering around the Pride Festival today and I’m glad I went. One year. I hope to do a parade, but I don’t think this is the year. I think I’m going to have a whole day at home relaxing tomorrow. Well, relaxing d, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and getting ready for work on Monday. The folks will be home before I get home from work on Monday so I’ll need to have everything in good order before they get back and right now everything is in a bit of an uproar. “Uproar” isn’t the right word. Everything is slung all over the place because I can’t be arsed to pick anything up.

I had planned on having a bubble bath this afternoon after I walked the dog and had some dinner, but I just never got around to it so hopefully, I’ll be working that into the schedule tomorrow too. It’s hard to have one once mom comes home. I often like to try to get in two while they’re gone, but I’m on my period (sorry y’all) and it’s been really heavy the last couple of days and soaking in a tub just hasn’t felt appealing. Things should slow down enough overnight that I’ll be able to enjoy a bath tomorrow.

I shouldn’t have saved writing for so late at night, but I was busy this afternoon, I had to walk the dog this evening, and I was just exhausted after walking around in the hot sun for a few hours. Not to mention, again, my period. That always leaves me a little more tired than I’d like. Which means that as much as I’d like to use tonight to get ahead on my writing, I just don’t think that’s going to happen. I should try to make a general schedule for myself tomorrow, but I also don’t want to make myself set an alarm.

Either way, I should probably go to bed soon because I’m tired and because I do have a lot to get done tomorrow.

Finish laundry, put up what’s clean.
Empty the dishwasher.
Clean the kitchen. Make sure there’s nothing out from the Pride adventures.
Tidy my bathroom.
Write.

I should take tomorrow to decide what my August story is going to be and make sure that it’s at least started. I don’t have a lot of time left writing wise and I’m going to have another busy week coming up with editing my blog post, reading my graphic novel book club comic book, writing questions for the discussion, Allison’s going away party, the teen volunteer thank you party, and the Summer Break Finale. Shit, at least I think that’s all next week. It’s possible some of that is the week after. Regardless though, tons of shit going down! Lots to do!

Current Mood: amused

One of my goals for the week is to write 3,000 words. Well, 3,000 words between tonight and Friday night. I worked until 8 pm tonight because it was my book club night which really was great, but getting home late doesn’t help with the motivation to write. Plus, I’m a little heartbroken, I’m not going to lie. I was hoping not to be heartbroken this soon, you know? I wanted to ride the high of a crush for a little while longer and use that energy to write my March story, but now I’m going to have to find the energy and inspiration from somewhere else. I don’t feel like writing a sad fic so maybe I can find a way to channel my angst into a story but still give the story a happy ending.

It’s so bizarre to feel this type of heartbreak again. It’s been so long since I felt it, but it feels exactly as I remember it. And it feels like it echoes in my chest with the reverberation of heartaches past.

I don’t know. I hate to leave myself behind so early in the week, but I don’t think I can write more tonight. I just don’t think I can. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be less tired and/or more focused.

Current Mood: blank

I’ve written my goals for the week and written stuff for the writing challenge I’m involved in with Reb and Em but those didn’t take a whole lot of words and I am going to try to do 600 words a day. I think that’s going to be my goal for the year too--an average of 600 words a day. I should probably make a spreadsheet to track that too so that I don’t have to go searching through my documents at the end of the year to find and open every single month’s spreadsheet to look up the total word count from each month to add it up at the end of the year. I have my January spreadsheet started now which is great.

This weekend was so fun and I just had an amazing time. The trip back was a little annoying because there was a lot of traffic. I don’t know why people can’t manage to drive but it was seriously kind of obnoxious. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were just a fender bender here and there but we’re talking about delays that--at least according to Google--ranged from 42 minutes to almost an hour and a half. It’s only supposed to be a four hour trip to begin with! I ended up making it in about five even with stopping for gas and a pee thanks to the rerouting by the GPS. I have a feeling I would’ve been home much, much later and possibly a lot crankier without it.

I was enjoying my audiobook though. I have to laugh at myself because I have about 375 books I could listen to that I haven’t yet listened to and another chunk that I’ve only listened to once and here I am reading the same series for what I’m pretty sure is the fourth time. Because I’m pretty sure I read the physical copies at some point and only got into the audiobooks later and I’m 99.99999% that this is my third audiobook listen. It’s definitely at least the second as I re-listened to them all early on in 2016. I’m probably not going to get into all the side novellas like the ones about Niles Van Holtz and Irene or Eggie and Darla, just the main ones. I started at the beginning and have now made it to my favorite of the series. At least I’m pretty sure it’s my favorite. There are two others that give it a serious run for its money and it is possible there is a tie, but I think it’s the reigning favorite. It’s technically the sixth book but the first book is really two different stories so I always consider it the 6th in the series. Although, that whole “what number in the series it is” thing isn’t really important.

I’m also thinking I’m going to re-read “A Wrinkle in Time” this year. I haven’t read it, I don’t think, since grade school and the movie looks amazingggggg. There are so many things coming out soon that I seriously can’t wait to see. And so many books I’m going to want to read. Still probably going to finish this 9 book series first. At the very least I’m going to finish five and six and possibly nine. It really love every book in the series, including seven and eight, it’s just that I started listening to these books because I was in need of the comfort of the familiarity and humor and now I’m starting to want to read new stuff again. Or at the very least stuff I haven’t re-read several time, the last time of which was less than a year ago.

Regardless, I think I’m going to be busy this year.

Current Mood: sleepy

I’m so excited to head to my New Year’s fun! Still, have a bit before I can leave, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m curious to see what the traffic is like. I feel like people don’t traditionally do a lot of traveling for New Year’s so while I’m leaving at 5 pm I’m hoping that enough people are off and staying home that there isn’t a lot of traffic and I can get there pretty quickly. It’s a pretty straightforward drive, thankfully, but it is a few hours without traffic, so I’m hoping that there isn’t the added frustration.

I’ve been thinking about my goals for next year a lot, especially the reading goals, and I think maybe it is time to change things up a little—at least for this coming year. The past couple of years I’ve been really pushing myself goal-wise. Last year (2016) I wanted to read 366 books, novellas, graphic novels, comics, etc. This year I wanted to beat my page numbers (2016 was right over 45,000 pages) by reaching 50,000. And once I got close to that, I stretched for 55,000 and once I reached that, the plan was to read 60,000 pages.

What I found in the last few days is that I’ve been reading through the books, but I haven’t enjoyed them as much as I might otherwise. I’ve just been reading the pages, and I don’t like it.

As much as I read, why is it I think that I’m going to need a reading goal, really? I mean, the book challenges make sense because that will push me to be creative and also to read things outside of “my usual,” but that’s not the same thing as a page or book goal. I love to read, and there is never going to be a year that I don’t read a bunch of books—there just isn’t.

I guess I like knowing that there is a goal that I’m pretty much guaranteed to meet. It’s a lot like making a to-do list with an item (or items) that you’re finished with, nearly finished with, or you know will only take five minutes so that your list doesn’t feel as overwhelming and you can feel accomplished when you cross them off. There’s nothing wrong with that. There really, really isn’t. But what’s happened is that it’s morphed reading into a chore to be done on a schedule—which is just wrong! Reading is my passion, but I need to stop feeling like I’m a failure every time I have to say “no” when someone asks if I’ve read a particular book that they happen to think is all the rage (or whatever). I’ve let the idea that Jeff has been able to read over 90,000 pages in a year make me feel like 45,000 isn’t enough. It’s all well and good for me to keep track of my books and my pages or even the amount of time I’m reading if it’s about me and not about crazy outside goals.

I started my working towards my goal for 2017 on December 29th of 2016 so I think I need to just accept the fact that I've read 58,932 pages plus whatever I've read in fanfic and stories that goodreads didn't recognize. It's a new year now and I'll read whatever I want.

I think if I’m going to have a reading goal for next year it needs to be something like 1 nonfiction book a month and six books in genres outside of my contemporary romance and paranormal romance fiction stories.

I don't know. Maybe, just for this year, I won't have a reading goal or a reading challenge or anything else. I want to continue the requirement of that I write to buy books though I may in time adjust that. Instead of doing 1,000 words per $1 doing something like 3000 words for a book. I don't know. Maybe I'll leave it as it is since it does seem to be helpful so far and adjusting it would either make things too easy or too complicated. The system is working, and I have the equations in my spreadsheets set up already.

I do want to have some good goals for next year. But I think those goals need to be about my writing and exercise habits. I'm thinking that I may do a word count goal for the year. Some months are more successful than others, but I think it would probably balance out at the end of the year. I think maybe one day this weekend, I'll go through my statistics for each month and tally that up for the year. Whatever that number is, I'll aim for just a little bit more. I had several fantastic months writing-wise, but I also had quite a few not-so-successful writing months. Maybe next year things can be a little more... even-keeled.

Pardon the quick change of topic, but I'm tired today. I did get a little more sleep last night--a little over 7 hours if I'm not mistaken--but with a good bit less sleep on the other nights this week, I'm a little deprived. It's funny to me because I used to get that little sleep on a regular basis, and often I get even less. That was just how I operated. I was tired all the time of course. Now that I've gotten used to being a reasonable well-rested individual, I am not digging being tired. It's amazing what your body can get used to when it's required. Now that I'm not used to it, it's kicking my ass. It probably was kicking my ass before too, but in the haze of that being an everyday thing, it wasn't something I noticed quite as much as I do now. And I definitely notice it now. I'm going to need to get some caffeine and shake myself around a bit before I start that drive.

Current Mood: tired

I’m so mad because I was doing so well reading goals wise! I was like this I I close to meeting my page number goal by the end of the year and then Christmas Eve, Christmas, and family stuff happened and now in order to make my reading goal I’d have to read close to 400 pages a day for the next three and a half days in order to make it. Granted I do have three half finished books that if I finished them would give me a big ol’ chunk of pages, but I’m not sure that will be enough because I’m doing a weekend with some friends for New Year’s and I seriously doubt I’ll spend much time reading. Certainly I’ll listen to books on the way to meet up with everybody tomorrow but I doubt that is going to be enough. I guess we’ll just have to see. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have so much to do tonight too, but I’m slammed. And I’m still trying to find a way to meeting my writing goal for the last month of this year, but it looks like I’ll probably be about 3000 words short for that too. I’d like to harrumph about that. I guess I should give myself a little bit of a break. The last half of December is freaking crazy, but at the same time, the beginning of December wasn’t that busy and I probably could’ve done a little more to get ahead of my goals. I don’t know. I did have a pretty solid plan and I did try to get ahead on the reading at least.

I think I also need to be fair to myself about the fact that my original goal was 50,000. I made that. My next stretch goal was 55,000 and I’ve made that too. Now I’m less than 1,400 pages shy of 60,000. That’s a pretty good deal. Today is the actual last day of the year from when I started. I’ve mentioned it before, but I have traditionally finished my goals on December 28th and started the goals for the next year on the 29th. Maybe I need to make peace with my 58,612 pages (plus anything I finish tonight while I’m waiting for my oil change or whatever) and congratulate myself on a job well done. I read 323 books, graphic novels, and comics this year which is a pretty good number too. I don’t know. I need to re-evaluate next year’s goal too. As much as I want to read like crazy, I think maybe I’m pushing too hard. I can’t be enjoying my books as much if I’m always pushing to get to the next one, right?

I think it might be time to say “enough” and start shifting towards next year’s goals.

Current Mood: exhausted

I’ve been staring at my little phone screen playing games for several hours while listening to my book, which after hours on the computer the last few days and a lack of sleep has left them tired and a little sore. I shouldn't have strained them with that tiny screen and all those tiny Mah Jong tiles, ugh.

I am proud of myself though because I think I made it through all the coursework and I definitely did all five of the necessary work applications for the week and I’ve still had time to read. Goodness, it’s nice being off. I know I only have a few weeks left, I’ll be back to work three Monday’s from now, but I intend to thoroughly enjoy the time off I have left. I’d like to spend time at the pool here and do a lot of reading. I hope to write as well. My brain has been in editing mode for the most part for the last week or so and that makes it hard for me to switch to creation mode writing wise. Since I’ve submitted my story to a bunch of places, I really can’t do anything else with it until it comes back to me I created a spreadsheet so I could keep track of where it was submitted. I'd hate to end up submitting it to the same journal by accident or something else similarly sucky.

I have no idea what will happen with it or what I hear back but I’m sure that it will be good experience regardless. Rejection is part of writing and the earlier I learn that the better.

I don’t understand why, almost a week later, I still hear fireworks going off. I mean this is ridiculous. The puppy is barking up a storm over it and I can't even be mad at her. How is she supposed to know that no one is trying to blow up the neighborhood? Plus I’m sure there are a ton of dogs barking out there… yeah, I think I hear one now… so she’ll definitely have to respond to that. Poor thing. And poor mom because I know she’ll have a hell of a hard time sleeping through that.

Anyway, my plan is to write 4000 new words this week so I’ll definitely need to spend some time focusing on being creative. I’ve got a prompt book that I think I might try and I’m also thinking about picking up where I left off in “The Artist’s Way” since I know there are prompts in there as well. If I remember correctly, she recommended reading the book all the way through before starting on the activities so I may stick with the prompt book for now. It’s got 3 prompts per day for 366 days so there should be plenty there.

I can’t decide if I want to go through the prompts methodically or if I want to jump around and try random things. I’m usually a jump around randomly kind of person but I’m thinking of going through them methodically to push myself. Sometimes I skip prompts because they don’t inspire me or what have you, but I think it could be really good for my creative muscles to at least do some free writing with everything in there, to really work to pull out something even if nothing comes to mind initially. Plus it’s a eBook so it would probably be easier to keep track of what I have and have not done if I went in order. I could jump to locations or pages and highlight the things I’ve done but it’s not like I can physically flip through pages and put my finger on a random prompt.

But not tonight. Tonight I am going to listen to more of my book (I finished one and am now onto the next). I’m really anxious to get to the 6th one. I’m really enjoying the 5th one so far (it may be my favorite so far, though that’s hard to say for sure). I had picked up the sixth one and started reading it and I was loving it but then I realized that there was a ton of stuff I’d missed and if I was going to have any hope of really keeping up with the side plots, giant cast of characters, several different pantheons of gods, all the different countries and territories as well as understand the history of the two characters the book focuses on, I was going to need to read the other ones first. The series has been building these two up for the last like four books so I’m glad that I went back. Not to mention that I’ve enjoyed the books so far. All of them have had huge amounts of plot happening like so I think I would’ve gotten lost if I’d tried to just keep going. I mean I read the first two about four or five years ago so I don’t remember them perfectly but I remembered enough to be able to follow the third one well.

Plus, they’re all so funny anyway. There was no point in not reading them when I’m enjoying them so well. I’m not sure why I didn't continue on reading them after I picked up the first two. Though I think at the time the level of violence and gore was just too much for me, for whatever reason. Granted, there's probably more of a difference between 26 - 27 year old me than 31 year old me than I cognitively recognize because I'm still making a lot of the same dumb mistakes and in a lot of the same spirals, but that’s not something I particularly want to examine right this moment. I’ll probably never want to but it’s probably something I should make myself do at least a little of before I go back to work. But again, not tonight. Tonight I’m going to read.

Current Mood: accomplished

I think I’m going to make. I found two more places to submit to, reworked my cover letters, and fired away. I also did the next assignment which was to write the people whose opinions of your writing really matter on a 1 inch by 1 inch piece of paper. I don’t have a ruler so I had to wing it, but I figure no one can complain about me putting three people on the list. I mean, that should be short enough to fit on a 1 square inch piece of paper. Especially if I shortened their names or wrote them really small, right? Anyway, while I’m sure the visual reference is helpful, and I might do it one day, I think the message of the assignment was clear. I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a “spirit of the law” kind of girl and that ain’t gonna change anytime soon.

Part of me wants to power through the other two assignments tonight, but I think I need some rest. I think that I’ll be able to complete them tomorrow more easily and quickly having got some real sleep.

Tomorrow will also hopefully involve some writing something that isn’t a journal entry, but we’ll see. I’m also eager to finish the book I’m listening to. It’s interesting to me that the narrator of the stories isn’t a narrator I’ve been thrilled with in the past but I still think I’d rather stick with listening to the stories instead of reading them. I’m not totally sure, but I am leaning that way. Normally I find her barely tolerable and it’s not like she’s doing such a better job on these than she did on the others I’ve heard by her. Maybe it’s just that these books are so much better than the other books I’ve heard her read. Not that the other books were bad, they weren’t. It’s just that those other books were… “well, that was fun” as opposed to what I’m listening to now which is more like, how can I get five more minutes listening to this book. I know, I’ll empty the dishwasher, that way “I’m being productive” so I won’t feel guilty about how I’m spending this time but I can still listen to the book.

What I’m reading now is by one of my all time favorite writers, Shelly Laurenston. I just relistened to her “Pride” series, which is probably my favorite series by her though her “Call of Crows” series is fantastic too and I enjoyed her “Magnus Pack” series too. This series is under her pen name (I think it’s her pen name and not the other way round), G.A. Aiken. It’s Dragons and witches and warlords and shit. Where her shapeshifter books take place in modern, earth times, Dragon Kin takes place in a world of Dragon Gods and swords. Both epically fun though. You have to have an affinity for cursing, bloodshed, raunchy language, and sort of questionable or unstable main characters, but I find them hilarious and exciting. She’s one of the few authors I still read that doesn’t really pass the “But is it gay?” question. She does have an odd side character (I can think of 2 for sure and a 3rd I suspect) who turns out to be gay, but they’re not developed. Still though, I enjoy her main characters. Her female characters are especially fun to me because they’re usually vicious (though in different ways, sometimes with violence, but sometimes in craftiness) and funny. I mean, one of her characters has the moniker “The Blood Queen” and she’s actually a queen. “The Viper” and “The Beast” are really fun too. “The Beast” is plain and bespectacled and brilliant. One of the characters in the “Pride” series is famous for her favorite saying which she got from her father, “Time to start the killing.” And Cella Malone is a former marine, a bare knuckles boxer, and a hockey player. There’s all kinds of “politics” between shifters and packs and families and it’s just fun. She’s also suppppper diverse with characters who are of a bunch of different backgrounds and descents.

And I’m officially rambling. But seriously, I love that author. She’s got another series she’s going to be doing soon, I think it’s coming out next year that has me really excited.

So now that I’ve blown off some steam writing about the author of the book I want to be reading, I’m going to go listen to the book for a bit and get some sleep.

Current Mood: productive

Here’s yesterday’s list for the weekend:

~~Give 2 more people feedback~~. Check.
~~Edit “Monster in Manhattan.”~~ Check.
~~Edit my cover letter.~~ Check.
~~Figure out which other four magazines I’m submitting my story to since I’d already picked one.~~ Picked five, couldn’t use three. Found another one I couldn’t use. Picked another story for for a flash fiction magazine only to find they’re currently closed for submissions. Found one that is a bit absurdist and submitted a story that honestly wouldn’t be appropriate for any other lit magazine I’ve ever seen but just might fit there. Two more submissions to figure out.
~~Rework my cover letter four times.~~ Didn’t need a cover letter for one magazine. Reworked it for my other submission. Likely two more reworks to go.
~~Attempt to send my reworked cover letters to the correct magazines along with my story.~~ Again, three down, two to go.

Once I get that done there are three more assignments to the online course, but I’ve looked over them and from what I can tell, they’re manageable. If I can figure out the last couple of submissions tomorrow, I feel confident I can finish the rest in time. Of course, that'll have to be worked around the fellowship thing with mom in the morning and volunteering in the library in the afternoon. I'm going to be so thankful to be shelving tomorrow and listening to my book.

Current Mood: tired

My goals for Friday and Saturday (I originally posted them separately but meh) were:

Find something to post to Becoming Writer Workshop. Recommend doing further edits to “Monster in Manhattan” story and posting the second draft.
Did edits to “Monster in Manhattan” Story and posted it to the workshop group.
Find six more contests and journals to send off to.
As it turns out, I had a copy where I had already added more magazines so I only needed to add a few more to get to 20.
Pick a writer to contact and get clear about the contact. Ask any necessary questions.
Spoke with a writer about their personal essay piece and about submitting, etc.
Give three people feedback on the workshop website.
I did give more feedback to one person. Two more to go.
Write letter to writer.
I guess I thought I was going to pick a writer one day and actually write them as a goal separately. I ended up doing everything all to together in typical Kate fashion.
Watching the video for, and start working on the next assignment in the LitMagLove class. There is no video. The assignment is to send a story to five different magazines. I’ll have to do that by the end of day Sunday. I’d like to do it tomorrow but the stuff I worked on today took me about 6 or 7 hours and I’ll be at the fellowship thing for too much of the day to be able to do that tomorrow. Especially since I need to do a few more edits to the story and to my base cover letter before I sent it.

Still, I really productive day and I’m pleased about that.

So, here’s what I have left to do this weekend:

Give 2 more people feedback.
Edit “Monster in Manhattan”
Edit my cover letter.
Figure out which other four magazines I’m submitting my story to since I’d already picked one.
Rework my cover letter four times.
Attempt to send my reworked cover letters to the correct magazines along with my story.

*Sighs Deeply*

Current Mood: rushed

So what did I do tonight after dinner instead of adding my journals and contests to my lists or writing? I watched an episode of Pretty Little Liars, which, actually I’d already watched half of, so that really wasn’t that bad and I read the second half of a book I’d started when I was laying out at this beach this morning. I wish my Kindle kept track of how long it took me to read a book. I mean, I know I get distracted or interrupted while the book is open so it wouldn’t be perfect, but I’d really love to see how many approximate reading minutes it took me to read something. I know I could time myself, but I get too distracted. I’d forget to start the thing when I was reading or I’d forget to stop it when I had to put the book down to do something else. Amazon must have some of that information right? I mean, it tells you when you open the book how long it typically takes to read. Although, they are probably basing that on the idea that people typically read so many words (I think it’s like 350) per minute and then dividing the number of words in the book by that. Or maybe the number of pages decided by a minute per page (which I think is about average?). Great, now I really want to know what they base these things on. That’s a question for Google later.

Tomorrow is Friday and I haven’t done any of the feedback pieces I need to do and I feel like there's another goal for the week that I set for myself that I have since forgotten. That happens sometimes, I set a goal on Monday and by Tuesday I’ve completely forgotten I’ve set it. I have, on more occasions than I’d like to admit, gone to check what I wrote on Monday for my goals to see if I’ve done any of it. After getting caught on Friday way behind on my goals on quite a few embarrassing occasions, I have tried to make a habit of checking the goal list on Wednesday to help me stay on track. This week at the beach I decided to watch XXX: Return of Xander Cage instead - you can judge me if you want but I’m having some seriously shippy feelings about some of the ladies and Ruby Rose.

I watched something else recently that was giving me a lot of shippy feelings … Power Rangers maybe. Hmm. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll remember it later. I do love shippy feelings.

Ohhhhh, you know it wasn’t something I was watching, it was something I was reading. I got the first issue of “Spell on Wheels” a few days ago. I don’t know how I hadn’t come across it yet, but it was a marvelous opening issue. I know there are only like 5 issues so far and I’m unsure if it’s continuing any further. I’m kind of annoyed I’m just now finding out about this thing. It’s about three witches who are friends and roommates who have some of their things taken from them and they have to go on a quest to get there stuff back. Soooo many shippy feelings. I’m looking forward to reading more of that. I also read some more Lumberjanes and I just love that series so, so much.

So my goals for tomorrow are as follows:

Find something to post to Becoming Writer Workshop. Recommend doing further edits to “Monster in Manhattan” story and posting the second draft.

Find six more contests and journals to send off to.

Pick a writer to contact and get clear about the contact. Ask any necessary questions.

Give three people feedback on the workshop website.

Goals for Saturday:

Write letter to writer.

Watching the video for, and start working on the next assignment in the LitMagLove class.

Goals for Sunday:

Work more on LitMagLove

File for unemployment

I’ve got the fellowship thing going on too so it’s going to be a busy weekend. I won’t be able to stay up all night and work on these goals either because I’ll have to be up around 8 or 8:30 Saturday and Sunday. Those aren’t terrible times to be up but it definitely means that I can’t stay up until 4am. It’s hard enough for me to stay awake through this stuff as it is, but it will get my mom off my back for a little while at least.

I was logging my reading on my library’s summer reading program--they have a program for adults--and I saw that the “goal” for the summer was to earn 1,000 points for reading and other activities like volunteering. They have reading lists you can do too, but none of them particularly called to me. At any rate, I’m currently at a little over 3,000 points so I must’ve made that 1000 goal a bit a go. I know other adults have kids and don’t get summers off like I do so it isn’t like it’s hard for me like it can be for other people. Still, I have to laugh at myself because I finished two books today and listened to about 2 hours of another. I know there are people who read like that all the time. I wish I could speed read, but actually the rate at which I read a page is not much over average. I just spend so much time doing it that I end up reading a ton.

I was going to go to bed early tonight so that I could wake up a little earlier tomorrow (and by “earlier”, I mean before 11am) to get started on my goals. It would be great if I could finish the Friday list and get started on the Saturday list tomorrow but we’ll see how that goes. I honestly cannot believe that tomorrow is Friday. These days have been going by so quickly! I’m looking forward to Wynonna for sure. And Killjoys, though I haven’t watched last week’s yet. Man, I have so many things I want to do! I know I’ll look forward to having my real paychecks again when I go back to work, but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to fit all the things I want to do in before we go back.

Current Mood: content

I was doing so well with my goals over all until this past week. Looking for motivation was like hitting a brick wall or something. I just kept bouncing off something in my mind when I went to be productive. I did eventually get a good bit done but it was tooth and nails fighting. Part of it, I’m sure, was that personal stuff going on (tire, etcetera), and part of it was likely all the rain. I don’t do well with days on end of clouds and rain. I could’ve been a little burned out - there’s been a lot of pressure at work and a lot of feeling like the effort I’m putting into my job right now isn't really going anywhere (not necessarily true, but definitely how I’m feeling) and I know that will put a damper on putting work into “extra stuff” - aka the stuff I’m not currently being paid to do.

But I think I may have also set the wrong goals or at least set my goals in the wrong way.

When I first started writing again this February my goals were something like:

Write 500 words

Spend 30 minutes doing productive things that are not reading or writing a day and some days that should be exercise.

And that worked really, really well. I added and morphed as I went along but I’m still basically in that same kind of mode I think.

The good thing about that structure was it let me work on whatever project was what I either most needed or most wanted to work on that day. I wasn’t, for lack of a better word, trying to micromanage myself. I didn’t realize you could do such a thing - micromanage yourself - but as it turns out, you can and I did my very best. Unfortunately, I don’t do well with micromanagement so does that mean I’m back to the drawing board on my new goals?

Well, yes, I think so. Maybe reverting back to previous standards might be a good way to put it. But I do want to also keep in mind that there are two things happening right now… maybe three? Maybe a trillion? Anyway…

First, I am giving up the copywriting thing and seeing if I can get my money back. That was part of deal within a year if I decided it wasn’t for me that I could get my money back so I am working on that now. It sounded like a great idea but the more I get into it the more I feel like it’s pulling me away from my actual goal which is to write fiction and get paid for it. While advertisements and sales letters take smarts, creativity, and work, it’s not my ultimate goal and if I learned anything from spending time learning American Sign Language, it’s that if I dedicate my spare time away from my job on something other than my main goals, I tend to end up either frustrated, bored, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, generally unhappy, or some combination thereof. It would be a really cool thing to do and learn and make money off of but the more I split my time and attention the less I’ll move forward on any particular thing. Then I’ll feel scattered and useless. Then I’ll get depressed. And I’ll be exhausted from the scattered effort and then I’ll get anxious about not being good enough and then I’ll get tired and more depressed. So, sorry copywriting. Maybe we’ll reevaluate at a later date.

Second, I applied for a mentor program. Rebby has always been such a wonderful person but I’ve asked her to be friend, beta, and mentor and she’s always tried to help but I know she has massive goals of her own right now and while I hope and will endeavor to make sure that we continue to be these things to each other, I hope that finding another mentor will help make our writing relationship better. Plus, I think another perspective is a great idea. There are only so many slots available for this free program so I’m not guaranteed to get it.

Third, I’ve signed up for a course call Lit Mag Love about submitting to literary magazines. It includes finding good fit magazines, how to write cover letters, and information that editors are looking for all which I think will be tremendously helpful. It will also involve six weeks of accountability and peer feedback. As I’ve been such a coward about going for trying to get published etcetera I think it would be so good for me. There’s also part of the program for working on setting up a submission system and I’ve read so so so much about how success is based more on good systems than literally anything else so I can’t help but be drawn to this. Plus I think I kind of love systems - at least in personal cases. I didn’t realize that this was a thing with me until recently, but there you go.

So new weekly goals will revolve around completing course assignments and meeting with peer groups, course leaders, and any mentors that I get. Then each day I’ll need to decide what the priorities are. I still need to make sure that I’m writing or doing work for writing every day and I still want to exercise every day. But I am going to let my energy levels and focus do a little more guiding again in what I accomplish each day.

And also, if there is anything that I am saving for the last minute, I’m going to really dig into why I’m putting it off. Is it because I’m scared of failure and success like I am with establishing my website or is it because I really just don’t have real interest in the project and it’s taking away from the things I am genuinely giddy over like copywriting? Because those two things need to be handled very differently.

Thanks for being on this journey with me.

Current Mood: happy

I think one of the things I’d like to do for myself is start making better short term to-do lists. Lists that are more like 24 - 48 hour rather than just weekly and monthly to-do lists.

I’ve read a lot lately about long term goals and “chunking” them back and then making them non-negotiable. And if you miss one set you have to add them to the next set of goals so that you'd have an even longer list in the next “time period” but you’d stay “on track”. I think having to add whatever you miss to the next section would encourage you to not put off much on your list. I think you have to make sure you’re being practical but I also know that if I give myself a week to do the task I’ll be doing it on Friday. I might do a little of it on Thursday but most of it would get done on Friday. I have a tendency - and I don’t think this is uncommon - to let a task take as long as I’ve given myself to do it. What I should really do is give myself two days to do that task instead of a week.

Part of it might be to say okay if I want to get this list of 10 things done, I need to then assign two a day to myself and that way I don’t get stuck rushing around trying to get all 10 completed on Friday. And honestly if I can complete that much on a Friday then maybe I need to be setting myself bigger goals.

Of course another thing I’ve been reading about lately is the idea that most people give up at about 40% of what they’re really capable of - less than half of what we’re capable of is what feels like all we can do. I know that there is part of it that we just don’t want to any more. You hear about “the wall” with people who are running marathons - a place where you just feel like you cannot go any further no matter how hard you try - and most runners get past that to finish the race. I read an article that did a study on a recent London marathon and their study suggested that about 21% of the runners in the marathon hit “the wall” but it doesn't talk about anyone not finished. I suppose that isn’t anything conclusive but I can’t help but think about what this says about us as a species.

Maybe because almost everything we do seems optional? I don’t know. Running isn’t something we do for survival any more. Sure exercise is important and life extending but we in so called modernized countries aren't trying to out run mountain lions so we don't get eaten or chasing down a deer for food (even people who hunt typically do so from hunter’s blinds - or whatever they’re called).

Okay, I’ve gotten sidetracked I think.

If I’m stopping at 40% of what I’m capable of, then perhaps my goals should be pushing myself a little harder too. Yes we all need rest but I do feel like I could be doing more than I have been. I’ve made leaps and bounds for sure in the last few months, no question, but that doesn’t mean I should plateau goal wise either. And all my reading suggestions that having a plan for the day makes you way more likely to accomplish goals than if you are just winging it through the day.

I have a tendency to wing things, but I don’t think it’s serving me. I think it’s time to start being more purposeful about my time and my intentions and goals.

I have big goals. I want to get to the point that I can support myself writing - a mixture of copywriting and storytelling. But I want “support myself” to mean the freedom of living where I want to live with the people (or the lack of people) I wish. That’s going to mean putting myself out there over and over again. It’s going to be scary and it’s going to be hard. I have a copywriting course of sorts that I’m taking and I’d like to complete most of it before I start submitting anything but as long as I make progress on it every week, I’m okay with it.

I don’t know how long each of the parts are (I’m not looking at it right now but I think there are 6) - the first one was something like 64 pages and 2 exercises where the second part is something like 134 pages and 2 exercises. I’ve done one exercise as they’re not “do this once you’ve read all the material” so much assigned every so often throughout the material in general. So I think for this particular endeavor I’m going to need to commit to working on it so much each week. Reading or working on exercises for 15 minutes a day - surely I can work that in somewhere.

Writing, man, writing. I’ve been aiming for 1000 words a day and mostly hitting it but I wonder if I need to dedicate myself to writing for a focused 60 minutes a day. It would probably be better to do two 30 minute sessions because I think that’s usually about where my brain starts to tell me to fuck off. I think if I practice then I can get longer sessions later. I’ve already got writeordie on my computer and iPad that I can use to help with that. It’s really awesome for helping with that.

I never really have trouble working reading into my schedule - that happens as naturally as breathing if I’m honest. And sometimes stopping reading feels as hard as holding my breath. Even reading the self improvement nonfiction and the writing books are coming very naturally to me right now so I just have to maintain that. I want to make sure at least 15 - 20 minutes of my time is spent reading for the purpose of improving myself or my writing every day.

I'm doing really well at scheduling time to exercise - I’ve been doing that usually when I first get home from work and that’s going well. The dog will need walks this week so that will definitely keep exercise on my schedule. I’ll need to start working on a system for cutting back on sugar - finding snacks and things that are handy enough or making time to make snacks in advance that will be handy so that when I’m hungry and I need to eat I have something that isn’t a honey bun from the vending machine. God I love honey buns. I don’t think that’s gonna be for a least a day or two because I’d need to gather a couple of recipes and got to the grocery store. And while I will have to go to the grocery store tomorrow… Well, maybe I can look for a few things at work tomorrow so I have a list ready for when I go to the store. That could work.

Next there’s editing to do. I think I can spend fifteen minutes doing editing a day. If I’m always writing then I’ll always have stuff I can edit. As it stands right now, I have a set of stories from Reb I’m working on and both her Mrs. Claus story and mine.

I need to spend thirty minutes a week - I think I’ll make it a Sunday appointment - to work on my public stuff - website, medium profile and posts, maybe eventually a GoodReads author page that sort of thing. Eventually I think this will likely need to be a twice a week appointment but we’re gonna start smaller since I’m also learning the copywriting stuff.

This is going to be my schedule for the remaining four weeks I have of work until my six weeks off. I’m going to need to spend some time thinking about what my summer schedule is going to be but I think I need to wait until June 9th or so to start working on that because otherwise I won’t be able to get any of my day job work done because I’ll be so excited about my break. I’m so excited about having six weeks off.

I’ve seen some planners and things and I am thinking about trying some of them out. Having a schedule to stick to I think could be really beneficial.

So my big goals for next two months or so are:

Finishing the Copywriting material

Getting my website up and running

Posting to it and Medium

Learning about MailChimp and or ConvertKit

Edit Mrs. Claus stories and submit mine

Edit Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack Stories

Write, edit, and submit a story for Writer’s Market

Write my manuscript/story for DragonCon

Read Story Genius and complete activities

Read The Artist’s Way

This week will be again:

Daily:

15 Minutes Exercising

15 minutes on Copywriting

15 minutes reading for writing improvement

15 minutes a day editing

60 minutes a day writing

Weekly:

30 minutes on promotional work

At work I should also get a bunch of fall stuff rebooked and planned - especially August/September stuff.

I got a ton of shit to do y’all so wish me luck!

Current Mood: happy

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Kate

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