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Progress or Something (Part 2)
Dec. 31st, 2018 02:04 amThis weekend has been such a wonderful mix of relaxation and productivity. I’ve got a mountain of recycling, nearly a full bag of trash, and a pile of books and another pile of clothes to donate somewhere. I thought I was going to be able to stack my Funko Pops two high on my bookcase if I had an empty shelf. As it turns out, the bookshelf is about three millimeters too short to stack the Funkos by two in their boxes. As that’s the case, I did one layer on that bookshelf of Wonder Woman related Funko Pops (I have three different Wonder Woman Pops plus two other characters from the DC movie), and then I took the ones that I had already taken out of their cases to display and put them on top of the layer of boxed ones. Width wise, five is about perfect on the shelf. They fit just snugly enough to look right, but not so snug that anything is forced or squished. I actually might be able to slightly adjust the height of the shelves so I may have to look into that at some point. Right now the remaining encased Funko Pops are on the top of my writing desk like they’ve always been, but distributed more evenly and not precariously stacked three or four high like they were. The ones I left on the the writing desk are all Marvel. The unpacked ones are unrelated--Holtzman, Sailor Moon with Luna, and an Adipose from Doctor Who, of all things. The Adipose was a gift from a Secret Santa a few years ago.
My secret Santa this year got me this amazing block “K” that’s close to a foot tall and about seven or eight inches across and it’s “modge podge”-ed with old Marvel comic covers and characters. It’s beautiful. And the original purple Hawkeye is on there, along with all the heavy hitters--Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Captain America, and Spider-Man. Honestly, that Hawkeye is on there with the “big” ones is a little surprising. He’s on there a few times and he’s definitely the “least popular”/”well known” character on the thing by what feels like a lot. I know me and a few of my friends are big Hawkeye fans, but I feel like we’re not the “norm.”
One of my favorite cosplays from Dragon Con this year was a guy dressed up as Faction’s Hawkeye with a sign that said something like, “Hawkeye is a better than Green Arrow; change my mind.” I flipping loved it. But it’s still a thing that people don’t care that much about Hawkeye. I have friends who literally care about him only because… Actually, it would be better to say they only care about me and therefore put up with my obsession, but that’s okay, I love them for it.
I feel like I should check in. I definitely didn’t have great focus today. I did get a lot done in my room, but there is still a lot of little stuff to get done. I’ve decided that I’m not going to tackle my bathroom until New Year’s Day. And my focus for tomorrow is going to be writing until it’s time to have a movie marathon virtually with Reb. I thought about going out and about. I have that invite with the Harry Potter people and I got another invite today from a former coworker to come to her place tomorrow for a sort of “open house” party from noon until “whenever.” it was a super sweet offer and I did think about it, but for me its far more important that I focus on writing a story and posting it, reading 11 more things that I can count towards my Goodreads list, and continuing to work on my room/bathroom. Plus, after all the socialization and family time from the last couple of weeks, and the nature of my job and how much outreach I’ve been doing lately, well, my social battery felt like it was not only drained but also leaking acid. I’m starting to feel charged again, but I don’t know if I’m back to “going to a party where I won’t really know anyone there very well” levels of battery power. Actually, I know I’m not at that level.
I’m feeling much better depression wise today. There are some sneaky things still happening, but there aren’t as many, I don’t think, and I definitely physically feel like I have more energy and focus. I know it could be a coincidence, but it really seems like the Vitamin D has had a huge, positive impact on me.
On a side note, I’ve been going through my stuff as I’ve mentioned, and I keep coming across the notes on my story from the Dragon Con writing workshop two years ago. I’ve decided to burn everything paper I have from that day. I’m tired of it holding so much power of me. I don’t know if burning it will help, but I’m hoping that the act of burning those pages will release some of that ugly sway they still seem to have on me. There’s no way to know, of course, not really. But I feel like the act, in and of itself, is sort of ritualistic.
We don’t have a fireplace--well we do, but it’s gas and encased in glass--but we do have a fire tub in the backyard. It’s a massive thing though and there are a few obstacles. Firstly, it's in the backyard, which I mentioned earlier is currently a swap with a very muddy canine beast in it. Getting back there without being tackled by said mud beast is not going to be easy. Also, I don’t have any clothes never mind shoes that I want to sacrifice at the moment, and with the mud out there like it is right now, that’s what would have to happen. I could go in shorts and bare feet, but I have a dog who poops in the backyard and its kind of cold. The papers I’m burning are not going to be enough to constitute a “fire” by which to keep warm.
We also have a charcoal grill which could work. If I took the grate out, I’d have a nice mini tub in which to put the papers before dropping in a lit match. That could work. I think that’s in the garage and it likely wouldn’t be nearly so big a deal to use. It would also probably be easier to clean out the ashes after. The only question is whether or not dad still has charcoal in the damned thing since the last time he used it.
I know I could just toss them or put them in the recycle. Or shred them with my hands and then threw them out, which I suppose could have its benefits, but there’s something about the idea of lighting them on fire that’s really calling to me and I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until I’ve watched them shrivel in flames until they’re nothing but flecks of burned paper. I think seeing that happen and knowing that I’ll never have to look at them again and that no one else will ever see the words on the pages again is going to be therapeutic. I’m a little concerned that I’m going to give in to laziness and not make the point of burning the pages because I think it really is vital that I burn them to nothing. Hopefully, I’ll stand my ground on this for myself. I think it’s really what I need.
Well unlike last night at 2 am, I am starting to feel sleepy (I was jacked up until well into the morning last night, not sure why, but sometimes you just got to roll with it). I should try working on my story a little before I pass out for the night, if I can manage it.
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