Final Days of the Year

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I did say that I wasn’t going to create a reading goal for myself this year, back last year when I was wrapping up last year’s goal, but a little over halfway through the year, I knew I wanted to try to reach 416 books for the year. In October it looked like it would be easy peasy to make it to that. I was on track to make it with time to spare. But depression hit and, not realizing what had happened, I sunk into my Hallmark Christmas movie marathon and I let the fun of those movies keep my mood buoyant. I don’t really regret my (ongoing, to be honest) marathon. It’s something I enjoy, and I know that it helps me keep in a good, pleasant mood regardless of the inner turmoil that happens. 

I suppose I really should learn not to spend so much time masking the symptoms of my depression, but when you don’t realize what’s happening, it can be hard to realize what you’re doing. What do they say about recognizing there’s a problem is the first step? Sometimes that’s all the further in the steps people get, but it is an important one nonetheless. 

Anyway, I don’t regret my ongoing Christmas oblivion marathon though I wish I could’ve done more writing and reading too. There’s nothing I can do about that part now. 

Back to my original point. I think. So to make my goal of 416 books, I’d have to read 16 more books between now and Monday at 11:59 pm. That’s like two and a third days away. 

I’m still a ways from my final writing goal too. I’m about 7,000 words shy of my final goal. 

I also need to do a lot of cleaning, decluttering, and clearing of trash which I want to do before I start school in a week and a half (holy shitttttt!). 

Now I did a little tiny bit of dusting today, which is great and necessary, but not necessarily the most important part of the cleaning/clearing/decluttering thing that needs to happen. 

The good news is I’m off until the 2nd so I do have the next three days and nine hours off. I’ll spend nearly half that sleeping, but that will be good for me probably. The other good news is that I have the house to myself until Friday which means that any work I want to do, I won’t have to do around anyone else’s schedule. That actually is kind of a big deal, because sometimes the time of day I’m most motivated to work on something is at stupid o'clock in the morning or even 7:30 at night when someone else would want me downstairs for dinner with them and watching TV and relaxing for the night. It’s not that I don’t enjoy doing that, but sometimes my rhythm being off from other people’s makes it tricky to get things done. 

The other good news is that I can listen to books while I clean. I may not, at least not all the time. I’ve been listening to a lot of music today because singing feels really good and I can be as loud as I want. Singing is something that’s always been good for not only my mood but also my mental health. 

I realized last night that part of this depression is likely from lack of vitamin D. I get out of the habit of taking vitamin D in the summer because I spend a good chunk of time out by the pool sunbathing. During the summer there’s enough light, during enough of the day that I’m not severely lacking vitamin D. They haven’t proven conclusively that low vitamin D equals/causes depression, but they have found correlations between the two and brain function is supported by vitamin D to an extent. At any rate, I think there is a link for me. And considering how common seasonal affective disorder is, I think there’s a good chance that vitamin D is important in keeping depression at bay. I had also run out of my multivitamin and wasn’t taking it either. I had started to take my vitamins again and it was maybe two days after I started taking the multivitamin again that I realized I had been in another slump. Then I took my vitamin D tablets last night as well as the multivitamin and I can say for sure that I am feeling better today than I have been. I have to think that the two are connected. It’s an important thing to learn for sure! 

I’ve gotten off topic again, but that’s okay. 

The final thing I need to do is write my last story for the year. I need one story for December and I can say that I’ve written a story every month this year. That I’ve gotten to eleven is something I’m pretty damned proud of, honestly, but it makes me all the hungrier to make one last story before the end of the year so I can have one for this month. I have been working on a SnowBaz story so that may work if I can finish it. That’ll be something I have to work on at some point.

The thing I may have to give up for the weekend is my Pokemon Go obsession. That’s the other thing that’s been a huge masker of my depression. It’s been so much fun to get obsessively into it, but I can’t drive around for hours playing that and still be able to meet my goals. I mean I can listen to books while I do that, but it would be better for me to be working on my room and closet while I listen to books or music or continue my Christmas movie marathon in the background honestly. 

So here’s to the next two days of madness, I guess. I expect I’ll be checking in repeatedly to give updates. I know it's unlikely that I'm going to meet ALL these goals in time, but I'm going to really try.