float_on_alright | Entries tagged with general update

Master List of FanFics, links to the "chapters" (for lack of a better word) and AO3 if available. Most of my stories are on AO3 but the ones I wrote for specific people are not currently.

( Hawaii 5-0 Danny/Steve )

( Hawaii 5-0 Kono/Chin )

( Alex/Scott (Hawaii 5-0 actors) RPS )

( Hawaii 5-0 or Related One Shots and/or No Pairings )

( Sanctuary )

( X-Men )

( Avengers 2012 )

Please let me know if any of the links are wrong. Questions are welcome. Comments are love :D

Current Mood: creative

I haven’t written much since I wrapped up my 2018 goals. I think the only thing I’ve written was when I posted about how I did on my goals last week. I meant to do goals for this week and I forgot. I didn’t get home until almost midnight last night and I was utterly exhausted (not to mention that I was exhausted). At some point, I thought to myself, “I don’t think I’m going to make a word count writing goal for myself this year.” And it was like a huge wave of relief hit me. I’m still going to write. I want to do my short stories/drabbles for each month of the year, and I’ll have plenty of homework assignments to do. I know I’ve got lots of discussions to do for both of my classes not to mention papers and assignments. I just feel bogged down by the tracking and word count goals at the moment. I’m thinking that taking a year off from that might reset me a little.

Current Mood: tired

I’ve been putting off writing since I got home. I’d wanted to work on something while I was at work, but work was so busy, so packed full that there was just no way to get around to that. I had every second so full, I didn’t have time to finish my actual work work, never mind work on a personal project. Then once I got home, I just felt so tired and daunted by my word count goal that I didn’t want to work on it at all.

I remember reading this article a while back that said that if you’re struggling to meet a goal or feeling intimated about meeting a goal or something along those lines, that you should multiply the goal by a factor of ten. Maybe it was a factor of five. I’m not sure now, but it was definitely an outrageous multiplier. The logic behind it… I remember there was logic behind it. Or supposed logic. I can’t remember now if the idea was just to pump out so much stuff that some of it had to be good or if it was to help you push back the mental blocks or some other such thing, but I do remember thinking the article was interesting.

There might have been a few articles like that, now that I’m thinking about them. I seem to remember a sort of “phase” where that was all the rage in the “self help” world. One particular article was about making lists of ideas. Ideas for stories or products or pieces of art or whatever--didn’t matter, just ten ideas every day. The guy writing the article said that if you can’t think of ten, think of twenty. He said that if you double the goal, your brain realizes that some or most of those ideas are going to be total useless garbage, and in knowing that, you’re giving yourself permission to write down and process terrible ides. Maybe you don’t keep all the ideas, but you the more ideas you come up with, the more likely it is that one of them will be good. That’s just statistics.

Once you start practicing coming up with ideas, even if most of the suck, you’ll find ideas (in all levels of quality) come more quickly and easily--at least according to the guy in the article. I don’t think he’s wrong. One of the other things I remember him talking about (well… I think it was him that brought it up, it very well could have been one of the other amny, many self help writers/gurus I’ve studied) a study on a high school art class.

In the “study” half the class was told that their grade would be based on making one “amazing” piece of art (pottery, I think , in this case) so they had to make just one great thing, and the other half of the class would be graded on sheer quantity with nothing based on how well they made the pieces.

In the end of the study, the students who were graded on quantity rather than quality were the ones who produced better quality, more creative pieces of art. Allowing yourself to be bad at something, but continuing to fight for it over and over again is the surest way to improve. That’s part of why I’ve been pushing myself to write more I figure if I can write a billion things, one of them will be good and then I can go from there.

Even knowing all that, and knowing that I’m a better writer when I’m writing all the time, it’s still hard for me not to feel daunted by the goals I’ve set for myself. If Id’ been better through the last six months of hitting my goals, I’d be in way better shape than I am now. I did fantastic in the first few months and then Summer Break happened and everything just kind of hit all at once.

It don’t feel like it’s slowed down at all. Shit, I’m sitting here now, barely awake, attempting to open my eyes and look at the keyboard or the screen so I don’t fall asleep, but I’m about to slip onto the floor. Ah well, tomorrow is another day. And a day I’m not working, so that’s a plus.

Current Mood: drained

I’m so stressed. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to juggle all the things I’m supposed to juggle over the next two weeks, and I just do not know how it’s all going to work. I know I’ll figure it out. It’ll come together. I probably need to organize in my mind what has to be done and by when. Although I don’t know that listing it won’t make me feel worse. I meant to work on all this in my planner today, but I literally didn’t have time to do it at work today. It was a hella frustrating, stressful, mess of a day.

So since I can feel the stress cramping my shoulders into my earlobes, I'm going to try to do some of the work outside of work. I hate doing that, I really do because I’m paid hourly (not salary), and I don’t believe in dedicating outside of work time to work projects.

However, I have a shit ton to get done and I don’t think it’s physically possible for me to get it all done in the “off hours” especially if the coming days are anything like today where customers and random “work” stuff meant that I lost almost two hours of time that I had planned to be for planning and project work. Even with that going on, I’d probably still push for the “no work outside of work policy” if it weren’t for the fact that I have wasted a bit of time at work on Pokemon Go. If a raid or something pops up, I have dropped what I’m working on to join the raid with friends. I figure if I can sacrafice some of my work time to play then I can sacrifice some of my “off/play hours” for work. It’s only fair.

I’m still hoping that the snow storm they’re saying might happen this weekend will hit tomorrow and the Reader Advisory and my outreach will all be canceled for the month and I can just go about doing the other things on my list instead.

Sigh.

Current Mood: exanimate

I forgot my planner again today. I swear I had it in my hand when I was leaving so I must have had it at some point, but it didn’t make it into work with me. It’s okay, I can function without it, but I honestly do better and am more productive if I fill out the day in the planner before I really dive into my day. I think I used to wonder what was the point in spending time writing down what you were going to do for the day. Isn’t more productive to just start working? But I’ve found that using the planner to sort out what’s really important for the day and the upcoming days really does help me.

The planner I have is a “Panda Planner” that I bought through Amazon after much deliberation. I was afraid that I wouldn’t like the fact that you have to fill in all the dates yourself, but as it turns out, I actually like that because I’ll get to use it longer. I’m not one to use it much when I’m off work--maybe a day or two here or there and I always mark stuff on the monthly calendar. I’m still working on being consistent with the weekly updates. They’re really great too--all about your successes and what can be improved and what kinds of things you’re going to have in mind for the week ahead. Seriously, I love the planner. Which is probably why I’ve been more consistent about using it than I have been with any other planner or calendar I’ve ever owned even if I haven’t been a perfect user. One of the things I like about it is how it incorporates “positive thinking” into the planning. It’s not like it’s preaching to you or anything, but on the “daily” pages it has a place for you to write three things your thankful for and three things you’re looking forward to and there are notes on the monthly parts that ask you what your main goals will be and what distractions you need to be sure to avoid. Stuff like that. It’s really, really helpful. It’s clarifying and it helps focus my mind and my intentions better.

I had good intentions for the day and it isn’t that I got “nothing” done, it’s just that my focus was not where I had originally planned. Now I’ve got a hugely busy week coming up and I need a rough draft of my teen blog post by Wednesday and I have no idea what I’m going to do on Wednesday for the podcast thing. And then there’s the week after which makes me want to come down with the flu for a week so that I don’t have to deal with any of it. If I was sick, they wouldn’t let me go to the old people’s home, right? It’s all going to be fine. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I have to or I’ll just be a mess. The thing is, I tend to make it just under the deadline for all the things I need to do and because I’ve pretty much always made it “in the nick of time” which means there hasn’t been a clear reason to change my behavior. Well, except maybe the unnecessary extra stress that comes along with having a giant to-do list and a swiftly approaching deadline.

Sometimes I think the stress and (usually) lack of sleep that happens in those final hours before a due date should be enough of a deterrent that I start making changes. I have been somewhat better lately. There’s still a lot that I have a tendency to put off, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. For example, I had my application for Grad school done more than a month in advance and all my paperwork, etcetera, and even though they didn’t initially get my transcript and I had to do that a couple of weeks after my original submit date, I still had everything in several weeks before the date that all the pieces were due. That’s a pretty major accomplishment by me. And it was pretty much thanks go working with the planner. I’ve been using it a couple of months now and even though my consistency isn’t perfect (or great in general), I’m still seeing helpful results. I’m hopeful that the more I use it, the better the results will be and the better I’ll be about using it consistently.

I was thinking about how not using it on weekends I’m doing anything or holidays or whatever would save me pages and thereby draw out the length of time that I use it (since I number the pages, there’s no reason I can’t just decide not to give certain days a page—that’s how I’ve been operating. But now I wonder if maybe even though I won’t really be making a schedule or posting about specific tasks for the day, that I should still use a page in the planner for the thankful lists and the excited lists and the “accomplishments” list. If I’m using it everyday, even when it’s not necessary, I may have an easier time remembering to use it consistently.

I want to write more, but I literally can’t keep my eyes open

Current Mood: drained

I’ve sat here procrastinating write for hours. I mean that literally. I’ve been free to write for about two hours now and I’ve just not started. I kept promising myself I would and I pretty much just watched a Hallmark Christmas I saw last year and played Pokemon Go instead. Which is pretty much my life right now. I think it’s because I know school is coming up and also because work is looking stressful and overwhelming right this second.

Here’s the majority of the work stuff I have coming up before Christmas (I say majority because I honestly can’t keep it all in my head--planners, calendars, and to-do lists for the win!):

Two new displays to figure out

Book Club Questions to write

Book Club on Monday

Write-In for work on Wednesday

Write the Teen Blog Post

Present a Reader’s Advisory on how to find and recommend diverse books

Figure out what I’m going to do in the presentation for Reader’s Advisory

Figure out what I’m going to present for the “you’ve got to read this” podcast thing

Go to the “you’ve got to read this” podcast recording at a branch on the far side of county from me

Pick and pack a shit ton of stuff for outreach at both senior homes

Figure out an activity to do at the senior homes

Get ready for the DigiLit session at the other senior outreach place

Read the book from the Teen Staff Book Exchange

Figure how to present our findings from the Customer Service Observation Team

Present said information at the all-staff meeting

Most of this stuff is going to take place by the end of day on December 13th. Actually I think all of this is supposed to be done by December 13th. Add in that I had to take an extra day off to keep from having “overtime” on my time sheet and I’m just feeling very rushed. It’s all going to be fine. I fully believe that everything is going to work out just fine. Well, my logical brain knows. My anxiety brain doesn’t. It’s very concerned.

Part of the problem is also that I’m lazy and a procrastinator. Neither of these things is helpful.

I also need to work on scholarships and grants for school.

Oh, and my car tax payment is due.

And I’m still not fully healed from my injury. I wish I could express how frustrated I am that I still have so much trouble with my foot/ankle. Next Monday, I’m set to go see the doctor again. He said we’ll likely do some more x-rays to check on everything--that is not a bill I’m excited to pay, but if that’s what I need to do, then I guess I’ll be figuring it out.

I also recently mentioned the pain in my shoulder. The pain in my shoulder is currently more extreme than the discomfort of my foot, but because I have to do things like stand and walk, the foot tends to be more troublesome. Also I’ve had a lot of practice ignoring my shoulder. Well, not ignoring exactly, but doing a good enough job blocking it out so that it impacts my life as little as possible. Some days are worse than others, and the last week or two have been worse than usual, but I’ll figure out a way to help those muscles soon.

In the meantime, I need sleep.

Current Mood: exhausted

I did no writing yesterday. I meant to write. I had good intentions, but the night just got away from me and I was terribly exhausted. This morning when I woke up, I was concerned that I’d overslept. I like when it’s light when I have to get up, but it’s also disconcerting at the moment since the change in Daylight Saving Time. I love getting that hour back and I’m better at going to bed a little earlier and waking up on time--at least for a week or so after the shift. Once my body is acclimated again, it’s back to normal-Kate staying up until stupid hours of the night reading terrible romance novels and watching Hallmark movies. It wouldn’t be so bad if I dedicated more of my conscious, aware hours to focused writing. At least then I could say I’d done something productive. I’m both excited about starting school in January and also not looking forward to my decreased time for writing and reading. Reading especially. Writing is an important habit for me, but reading is my addiction. Plus, I’ll still be writing papers and the Teen Blog for work. It’s not like I won’t have writing in my life at all. I still intend to try for a story per month though with a much lower word count goal than the one we set for this year. This year has been a pretty good challenge, and I have two more months to manage before I can say I completed it. I think I can make it though. I really want to make it. I like meeting goals.

The other thing I’ve been thinking about with school on the horizon is exercising. I don’t know if I’ve missed exercising the last few weeks, but I had gotten to enjoy going a few days a week--especially when I could listen to audiobooks while I worked out. My job is full time and then my school work is going to be another 10-20 hours a week I know the max number of classes per semester is three, but I was originally thinking I was only going to take two. Still, that’s not going to be “nothing.” And I don’t want to totally miss out on reading, tv, and fun. How I’m going to cram it all in, I can’t begin to know.

To be continued at some point, I’m sure.

Current Mood: anxious

It’s well after 4 am and I’m up. I’m sure I’m tired. I’m positive I’m tired. It’s just that I don’t feel tired. Normally by now I can barely hold my eyes open. Last night when I was writing the update for my goals and what I’d gotten done, I actually couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had to type parts of it with my eyes closed because I was so tired that it took all my concentration to hold them open. If I closed them, I had just enough brain function to type what I wanted to say.

I’m typing this because I feel like journaling might actually prompt me to feel more tired. A lot of nights once I start journaling that’s when I really start to feel the day. I’m hoping that the weight of sleepiness will nudge me towards actually laying down to go to sleep. I think it will in a bit. I know I’m tired underneath all this.

I really wanted a day to do nothing, but I’d forgotten about a work thing I’d volunteered to be part of today and so I ended up racing to work around midday. After that, everything was thrown off. I had planned for BINGO in the evening, but that meant that I had a couple of hours between the time at the YMCA for work and the Staff Bingo night. Bingo was fun and I enjoyed myself. I’m glad I went. It also meant dinner and desserts and drinks without having to spend money.

Thinking about how tired I was yesterday posting my goals update, I thought I’d better look over the post. Most of it was okay. Some of it was totally incomprehensible, but I know what I meant to so I tried re-writing those spots. I don’t know if they’re any better now, because I’m definitely starting to feel the tired, but I think the update made the post better than it was.

There is one part though, that I just have no idea what I was saying. I think it was supposed to be some sort of idiom? I don’t know. I don’t know if I fell asleep just enough to have a weird dream while being just awake enough to type something out or what. Here’s the statement:

I don’t have special hay for my horse, but I’ll be sure to give him some carrots.

I mean, what? I have a coworker whose daughter has a horse and she was telling us recently about the different Hays so that’s my best guess.

Well, I was write. I can’t hold my eyes open now.

Current Mood: tired

Dear God in heaven, I have zero interest in writing tonight. Just absolutely no interest. I have no excuse. Not a one. I’m not particularly tired--in fact, I feel surprisingly rested considering everything going on in my life right now. I’m not in any real pain--I was hurting at work this morning but that faded by midday for the most part. There isn’t anyone in the house whose presence or noise is distracting. There’s the dog and she needs a lot of attention since I’m the only one home right now so that can be a lot, but she’s in bed now and down for the night. I’m not overly stressed about anything in particuarly. I’m not frustrated by anything, not really. I had a pretty good day at work and I was able to work the majority of it, which was great.

I do have the boot on and it is weird and sort of uncomfortable when I’m sitting in the recliner because of the way the leg rest pushes against the brace in a weird way, but that’s pretty minor, all things considered.

I don’t know. I just don’t want to. I don’t believe in the idea of writing only when you’re inspired because I think it’s a lot harder to be inspired if you aren’t actively working to be creative.

As I sit here, I find I may be more tired than I realized. I’m yawning a lot and my eyes are watering. It seems like it’s just hit me, but maybe I’ve been fighting that longer than I thought.

I finally got the dishwasher empty today. I’d been taking out a few pieces at a time since I got home on Sunday, but I haven’t had the energy or coordination or the appropriate number of hands available all at the same time to get it all done until today. I also did some grocery shopping since I was out of food. I just realized I forgot yogurt which is disappointing, not that I’ve realized it. I put dirty dishes in and soaked ones that needed soaking. I put a frozen lasagna in the oven this evening so that I can have food for a few days without having to cook. I feel like there’s been some other stuff too. This evening has been the most productive one I’ve had since I got back.Unless you count going to the Urgent Care right after I got home. I’m glad I was able to get some stuff though. I still have a lot to go. And tomorrow I’ll have to bring the trash can back from the end of the road (that was one of the other things, dealing with the trash). So I do need to give myself some credit. And take myself to bed.

Current Mood: tired

Part of me wants to take off work for a couple more weeks over my ankle and foot, but it’s not necessary, and I think what I really need to do is start working towards getting back to normal which means going back to work as much as possible. I’m going to go back to work this evening for a few hours. I’m sure it’ll be crazy as hell at work. I know I have about 70 emails to go through and I’m sure that will mean a lot of work. Not that having 70 emails is anywhere near what I would’ve had to deal with when I worked at Scholastic. I could have that many in a day.

I’ve been debating about my writing goal for this month a little bit since I’m home more of today than I would typically be. I’m thinking that with my foot being what it is and it being super tricky for me to do anything at the moment and super awkward, I’ve got a lot less time than I would normally have. Nearly half the month is gone already, and I’m almost 2,000 words behind on my goal of 600 words per day for the month. I guess it could be worse, but there were two days when I didn’t get any writing done at all. I was too tired after the day traveling home, and I might’ve gotten some writing done the night before I left England, but John’s hotel didn’t work out, so he ended up spending the night with us. With him around and sleeping with me (as in sleeping, not… you know… sleeping), there just wasn’t any time to write. I spent the morning at the doctor with my family, the midday I was talking to the airline about my foot issue, the afternoon I was attempting to organize and pack my stuff all while not being on my foot, then the evening was dinner and drinks with John and the family. There really wasn’t a lot of time for writing. I know I’m making excuses, but seriously, life kind of attacked me. A lot.

So since I know I’m already behind, I think what I may need to do is focus less on my word count and more on my story of the month. If I can concentrate on writing a story, then I’ll get some words in, and I will get to my goal of a story for the month. That is the more important goal. Still, to get my story done, I need to write. I feel like my stories are always better and flow from me easier when I’m writing regularly, which is the reason for the daily goals.

If I aim for 600 words every day for the rest of the month, that would leave me short for the month, but should also give me enough of a total word count not to kill myself for the next two months and keep me writing enough that I shouldn’t have an issue finishing my story. I kind of wish I’d only aimed for 500 words a day rather than 600, but it’s too late now.

I submitted my application for grad school earlier today, and now it’s a matter of waiting. I had aimed to have it sent before I left for England, but it’s done now with a couple of weeks to spare for the November 1st deadline. C took a lot more time helping me with my statement of purpose essay than I expected. I mean that in a good way. She dug in a lot further than I anticipated and I really appreciate the help, but that did mean it took us longer to finish the edits than I had initially planned. Still, I’m pretty proud of myself considering all the things I’ve accomplished.

Except for my folks staying overseas a couple more weeks and my work schedule being off for another week and a half, and well… my foot… things are--I was about to say things are going to go back to normal. But when I think about the changes I’m attempting to make to my life--things like applying for grad school and taking on more at work, I’m not sure “back to normal” is the right phrase. I’m thinking maybe the more apt description is something like creating the new normal for myself. I don’t know what that’s really going to look like yet, and I have to say I’m a little anxious about it. I have some projects that are feeling overwhelming and daunting at the moment. I’m scared, actually. Of a lot of the things coming up at work and I’m not sure which idea is scarier--getting rejected from grad school or getting accepted. I know I want to go to grad school. I know it. But I’m also terrified of it.

There’s a huge part of me that wants to bury my head in fictional worlds and just not come out until everything has passed. That’s part of my desire to call out of work sick for a few weeks too. In my head, I may not have to do the scary things if I don’t go to work. The thing is, there will always be scary things. Life wouldn’t be interesting or fulfilling without challenges, and I’ll be better as a person if I do face these things rather than running away from them. I know that. I have a reminder set on my phone now that I have to acknowledge every day that says, “everything is going to be okay” because everything is going to be okay so long as I keep showing up to my life. Nothing is ever perfect, but things are excellent. I’ve gotten to do and see incredible things, and life has plenty more of that to offer so long as I’m brave enough to keep going.

There was a time this summer when I was so stressed with trying to coordinate the trip to England and Ireland that I didn’t want to do it at all. I wanted to throw in the towel. I’m so glad I didn’t--even if not going to Ireland means I might not have injured myself.

I am frustrated about my foot though. It’s feeling much better, but it’s still aggravating and challenging to get around and makes everything take longer than it otherwise would. That's assuming I can do it at all without hurting myself. Right now, I can't get my suitcase out of the trunk of my car because it's heavy and I need both hands to do it. I'm getting to where I need the crutches less. I've been getting around with one rather than two today, and I've even been able to do some without one at all for short distances. I still don't feel confident enough to go out to my car with no crutches, pull my heavy ass suitcase out of the trunk, then drag it up the driveway and the small steps and into the house. I'm still crawling up and down the stairs, so it's certainly not going to make it up to the second floor. My room is a nightmare, and my bathroom is getting gross, but cleaning is way more than I feel I can do. I'm not able to take showers yet. I had a bath yesterday because I can't bathe in the boot and standing in the shower is going to be dangerous for a while. My book bag is still downstairs too.

I planned to clean all this mess up when I got home, but I guess that's just going to have to wait a while. Ugh. Foot, get better soon.

All right-y. I need to get ready for work, and since that takes three or four times as long at the moment as it usually does, I need to get started now.

Current Mood: aggravated

Unfortunately while we were out last night I slipped and twisted the shit out of my foot/ankle. A spot on the top of my foot is swollen up like an egg and then there’s a few other places that are swollen and weird. The pain has been pretty bad thus far and I’ve not been able to walk. I’m supposed to fly home on Sunday and I’m a little concerned about the traveling, going back to work, and getting the dog. My legs were already tired and sore from all the walking and 1000 year-old-steps climbing we’d spent the last few days doing, but I’ve been have to hop around on my right leg because I can’t put any weight on my left and it’s been interesting endeavor. We left Ireland to go back to England today. Thank goodness the line was so accomadating. They got me a wheelchair and helped cart me between the buses and the Ferry and all that sort of stuff.

My folks have had to carry my luggage because I can’t. I keep hoping it start feeling improved soon. I’ve wrapped it up in an ace bandage and I’ve been taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen to help the pain and the swelling. Granted, I should be careful because even if it starts feeling better due to pain pills, that doesn’t mean it actually is better. If it isn’t better even though it feels better, I could end up doing more damage. I just can’t believe I’ve hurt myself so badly that almost a full day later, it still hurts this much and is so unable to bear weight. That just seems crazy. I knew when I did it, I was in trouble. I was trying to pretend like I hadn’t really hurt myself, but I knew I had.

Current Mood: sore

I figured I’d use my time on the drive/Ferry to Ireland wisely by writing a little. Even if I can’t actually post anything until I get somewhere with WiFi that doesn’t mean that I can’t get myself ready.

I need think carefully about my goals for this week. With being on vacation and in a hotel in a forgein country, I don’t want to overextend myself goal wise. However, I don’t want to fall too far behind on my word count goals or my story a month challenge. And it’s not like I won’t want to write about my adventures in Ireland.

I was trying to do a bit of typing while I watched Legends in the background, but there was another episode I hadn’t seen. At least one that I don’t remember seeing and I think I would’ve remembered it—at least vaguely. It was their Christmas episode and they had to save George Washington and America. Rory ended up being an inspiration to Washington which was fun. It was the first time Amaya and Nate hooked up. I remembered mentions of the chore wheel from Ray and I feel like we see Mick’s “pet rat” in later episodes, but I don’t remember the scene where Ray gives it to him. I don’t remember the first episode where Rip is shown being brainwashed to do evil shit by the Legion of Doom.

Not that it matters, except that because I hadn’t seen it before, I didn’t feel like I could concentrate on writing. Also, if I’m writing, the “Doc” app is sitting on top of the Vudu app on the side so I’m missing about a quarter to two thirds of the video, screen wise. Some apps work as split screen and I can have one app on one side and one app on the other, but some stuff it seems doesn’t work that way. I don’t mind missing that much of the screen when I’ve already seen the episode, but since it wasn’t one I remembered seeing I felt like I needed to see the whole screen. There’s so much about the season that’s making more sense in the rewatch and I keep realizing that I missed more of it than I thought I did. I know I’ve seen every episode of season three, but I’m glad I’m going back and looking at everything again with the whole picture rather than just most of it.

I love Nate and Amaya’s love story. It’s not usual for me to love a love story that’s bound to be tragic, but there’s just something lovely about it. And I wonder about the person she has her family with eventually. I don’t know. I know Amaya has gone back to her village, but I hope that she will still make appearances.

I know John Constantine won’t immediately be joining, joining the team, but I’m just chomping at the bit to have him as a regular. I do hope that they add another person of color to the main cast. I know they still have Zari, but Jax is gone and Amaya isn’t likely to be a regular. It just seems important that they keep a diverse cast. It worked really well for them the last two seasons and I would hate for them to lose that. Granted, they’ve been pretty good about keeping the show diverse in race, ethnicity, religion, etcetera so I don’t know why I’d doubt they will keep that up.

Current Mood: dorky

It’s a little tough watching stuff on my iPad while I write. So far I haven’t figured out how lock the Docs app on one side of the screen with a video playing on the other side. It’ll only let me hover the doc over the video. Or something like that.

I did find Jason Statham on the TV so I tried that for a bit, but it was almost over and we only have the basic channels here so at night there isn't a lot on. Some stations literally aren’t airing anything at all right now. One channel isn’t airing anything again until like 2am which I find confusing. I mean, aren’t people more likely to be up watching TV at midnight rather than 2 am? Or is it because it’s a Saturday and they figure if people are up they’re at the clubs so they don’t bother to play anything until they’re starting to get home? I just… I have questions. Maybe the guide just doesn’t show that anything is on. I can’t tell if it’s just the janky-ass remote or me that can’t make the TV go to these stations that don’t appear to be airing anything or if they legitimately aren’t airing anything and you can’t really connect to them when they’re not airing anything. This is probably something I could “google” but I can’t say as I feel like doing that right now. And if I do go off to search something, I’m sure that I’ll get distracted and then I’ll never finish this post or go to bed.

I definitely should head to bed soon. I know that. I don’t feel too jet lagged though I felt super tired before we went out for dinner around 7pm, but I think that’s just me as a person. I’m often super sleepy around dinner time and then I perk up a little later, get a second one and inevitably end up staying up much later than is a good idea.

Sleeping was interesting yesterday because I could not make myself stay conscious for one more second around 9 or 10 pm and passed out on the couch. I slept for a solid few hours and then woke up around 2:15 am. The couch is a sleeper sofa type, so I pulled out the bed/mattress and then laid there and chatted with people and watched an episode of Legends and surfed the internet until just after 5 am. I was hoping to get at least two or three more hours before I got up. I slept solidly aside from my folks waking me up on occasion and dad trying to talk to me while I was sleeping until midday or so. I’m reasonably certain I slept until 11 so that was another good chunk of time.

The good thing is that I do feel sleepy so I think once I pull out bed situation again and get cozy, I’ll sleep. Sure, 2 am is kind of late, but it’s also not anywhere near unheard of for me to be staying up until 2 am on a weekend or holiday. Hell, during the hurricane I think I stayed up reading until nearly 4 am one day. And if I’m on a “basically normal for my weekends/vacations” schedule, then I’m not too jet lagged and should be able to manage the rest of the trip easily enough.

I’m curious to see how things go when I get back. I’m hoping that I’ll sleep the majority of the trip home but then still be tired enough to go to bed shortly after I get home and have some food on the Sunday night I get back. I have to go straight back to work and then work like 11 days in a row so things are definitely going to be interesting.

Eh, I don’t want to think about work right at the moment. Hell, I don’t want to think about it at all during the trip if I can manage it.

If I’m thinking about work stuff, it’s probably time for me to go to bed. I’m really tempted to read though. I really am.

Current Mood: lazy

I was just telling Reb about how I need to figure out what I want on iPad as far as media and what and delete anything I don’t want so I can be ready for the trip to England. I got all jazzed in my own head and I realized how much I’m looking forward to doing that. I haven’t had a trip where I had a reason to do something like that in a while. Sure, I flew out to California to see my friend earlier this year and that was a bit of a trip, but that’s not an overseas trip. Also, I went to California to see my friend so while we did some touristy stuff, the real purpose was spending time with her. This trip will definitley be about seeing the family a bit, but it’s also largely about getting to do the tours and such. That means I’ll be spending a lot of time on planes both ways, plus there’s a ferry ride to Ireland and we have to drive to and from the port and I’ll need entertainment for all that.

It’s kind of hilarious to me that I’ll be spending a shit ton of time making decisions about what shows and movies I’m going to cram on my iPad and what I’m proabbly going to do the whole time I’m there is read. Let’s be real folks. I’m a reader. Though I love TV and movies too. But I’m a massive reader and usually when I have the oppurtunity to do nothing for hours on end that aren’t being spend “with my family” (like the flights by myself), I sleep or I read. I expect it’ll be something like six hours dozing, thirty minutes eating and browsing the onboard entertainment and an hour and a half of reading on the long flights. Something about planes tends to lull me into a napping frame of mind. I’m not sure if that’s just a pavlovian response of many trips past or if I’ve trained myself or if it’s something of the combination of knowing that I don’t have to do anything except say I want the chicken and an apple cranberry juice for several hours and the rocking quality of the plane as it hits patches of air. Yes, I just equated light to medium turbulance with being rocked to sleep as a baby. But dammit, that’s what it’s like for me. I was terrified the first time I flew, but it wasn’t long before I found I really liked flying. There are still moments that make my stomach swoop uncomfortably, but on a whole I love to fly.

There’s a comedian named Jasper Carrott who has a quote something like, “It’s my contention that airports are more traumatic than flying.” He’s hilarious and if you have a few minutes to look him up, I super hope you do. Granted, if you’re not used to English (specifically Birmingham) accents, it might be difficult for you to understand what he’s saying. Still, “Day Trip To Blackpool” is one of the funniest damn things I’ve ever heard. Seriously, hilarious. My favorite stand up is probably still “The Five Levels of Drinking,” but I do love a ton of Jasper Carrott’s stuff and when it comes to consistently writing and delivering what I consider to be absolutely fantastic comedy pieces, Jasper Carrott is the man. There are so many by him that I love. His thing about “The Mole” is just one of the funniest things ever (“It’s driving me mental! If I ever get hold of it, I’ll… I’ll bury it alive!”, “If they found a mole in Birmingham, they’d eat it.”)

A, tangents, they’re awesome.

But back to what I was saying.

When I realized that I’m going to get to prep for a trip, I swear to God I felt like I lit up like a Christmas tree or some shit. I really haven’t done that in forever and I feel like I could spend hours working on it tonight. That I’m wound up enough to stay up until sunrise messing with it. I won’t stay up until sunrise doing that, but the temptation is defiitley there. I also know that my brain has latched onto this idea and that pretty much means I’m not going to be thinking about much else until I’ll finished that project. I’m hoping that because I have three weeks before I’m supposed to leave that I’ll be able to at least limit my complusive habits regarding it. We’ll see!

I’ve been trying to focus on what needs to be done at work before I go to England and the only things I can think of right now are my teen blog for October, the audiobook binge recommendation I want to write, the DigiLit Class, and maybe a Teen Volunteer schedule. I should also do some ordering for my NaNoWriMo events in November. Maybe getting The Wine Vault to pass around some advertisements. Oh, also my book club. I need to read my book club book and write my book club questions. And Hayley and I are doing Kitchen Chemistry on Wednesday.

Okay, I have plenty to do. I stand corrected.

I need to break that down and get as much of that done this week as possible because the next week is gonna fly by and the week after that I’ll be useless.

But that all sounds like a tomorrow problem.

I think I’m mostly packed for this weekend. I need to take some stuff out of my trunk so that I can fit my luggage and my friend’s when we’re on our way back as well as two grown ass adults. I’m so excited for this weekend. It’s going to be a blast, if utterly exhausting. I’m trying to prep myself in advance for how tired I’m going to be though I don’t know if that’s possible. Plus, I’m not sure that I should. I may be making myself more tired just by telling myself how tired I’m going to be. I’m excited and nervous and anxious and chomping at the bit. It’s such a crazy tumbling mess of emotions for me. The last time I went was easier than the first time I went, so I’m hoping this time will be easier than the last time.

I’m sort of vaguely prepared. I maybe have enough clothes. I’m relatively confident in the amount of packing I did for socks and underwear and I think I have everything I got for my cosplay together, plus some extra. Shit. Except I should totally put my nose ring back in. And I should take a flash drive. God, I’ve already got a giant bag and I’m still not sure I have everything I’m going to need.

I need to calm down. No matter what I do or don’t take, no matter what I do or don’t do, this is all going to be totally fine. Actually, it’s going to be better than fine. And now I need to get some sleep and let my brain rest so I can drive safely tomorrow and hopefully make it through the day and get everything I need to get done, done.

Current Mood: excited

If I get anywhere near my goals met, I'm going to see "The Meg" again on Saturday.

Current Mood: busy

I’m so excited about the next couple of months. I’m stressed too, of course, but the really exciting things are DragonCon coming up in like two and a half weeks and then a month or so after that, I’m heading off to England and Ireland for Dad’s Retirement/60th birthday adventure. Dad is paying for the tours and mom is helping me with the tickets for the flights so it’s been a chunk of change out of my wallet today, but it’s also going to be worth it. I’ve never been to Ireland before so I’m incredibly excited about that. I’ve got my nice camera too! I need to take a refresher and practice before we go. Of course, I’ll have to figure out something other than the Best Buy courses because they’re only on the first Saturday of the month and the September date I’ll be in Atlanta for DragonCon and then the next one I’ll be on the last day of my trip.

I really need to find a way to practice before DragonCon which is honestly only a matter of days away. Seriously, it’s like 16 days before I leave. And only like 45 until I head to England! It sort of feels real now, in a way it really didn’t when dad has talked about the trip over the last few months. I’m so, so excited. It’s unbelievable how many cool, wonderful things are going on in my life right now and I’m just so excited for all of them.

Current Mood: grateful

I barely squeaked out my goal for the month of July but I made it so I can’t complain. I was worried I wouldn’t make it because of how tired I was last night. Even after getting a very solid, long night’s sleep on Monday night, I still felt tired. Plus, I had a crazy, long day on Tuesday and starting off the day having my gaps stabbed and my teeth scraped with sharp, metal hooks did not impress me, at all. I was worried that I would be mobbed today at the Kids Eat Free hospital visit and I wasn’t sure how to handle that considering that I’d been mobbed the shit out of yesterday at the Harry Potter Fest which did go better than I worried it might. I wasn’t mobbed though and I’m thankful for that.

I was able to make a few notes on my statement of purpose for my master’s degree application tonight as well as add a few lines to the rough draft. I often try to craft stuff like this in my head before I work on it on paper, but I’ve decided that for something this important, I ought to make sure I have notes about all the things I think to include and at least one draft before the final letter gets crafted. There are several questions they’re asking about career and goals and how my mission lines up with their mission. I do feel like the school I’m applying to right now would be a good fit for me, and I think I’m one of the best library science candidates to ever apply, but I need to find a way to explain why those things are true. Since I’m a writer, it wouldn’t seem like 700 - 800 words about why I’ll be the greatest librarian ever (just kidding obviously, though I do believe I’ll rock at it given more time and training) would be a hard thing to do. It always is difficult when it’s important though. I

Part of the difficulty I feel like I’m facing right now is actually the suggested word count. I feel like I could talk about libraries, my experience with them, and why I want to be a librarian for at least a couple of thousand words. Hell, I think I could already write a thesis with those questions as my focus, so limiting myself to less than a thousand words seems tricky. I get why they have that limit though. Any more words than 800 would be a whole lot to read when you look at multiple applications, and proving that you can get a point across clearly and concisely is (or at least, I assume it is) an important part of assignments in grad school.

I guess I’m just saying I have a long way to go. Though it doesn’t really seem like it’s far to go.

But all that will have to wait because I’m exhausted.

Current Mood: tired

I find myself particularly tired tonight. It’s all my own fault of course. I didn’t sleep properly Friday night because of emotions and booze so I was tired driving home on Saturday, but that night I still stayed up late. I slept for a while on Sunday, but I woke up a little earlier than I anticipated. I could’ve gone back to sleep and that’s definitely what I should’ve done but I ended up reading and surfing the internet instead. That led me to be pretty tired yesterday even though I didn’t actually do anything. Then last night I had the audacity to stay up until almost three am when I knew I was going to get up around five am. To say that was a monumentally atrocious decision is probably an understatement, but it’s not like I can do anything about it now.

The worst part of the tiredness today was the anxiety. Most of the time tiredness doesn’t play too much havoc on me. I tend to stay about the same regardless of sleep: a little scattered, a lot friendly, and a good bit silly. But there’s a level of lack of sleep, and I think that means I have a window of fewer than four hours a night before I run the risk of being a disaster rather than a mess. It’s a bit like Russian Roulette in a way. Obviously, there’s no risk of death… well, I suppose lack of sleep could cause death in extreme cases, but I don’t think mine is that severe.

I’ve nearly fallen asleep like five times. I just need to go to bed. Ugh. Tomorrow is going to be rough words wise.

Current Mood: drained

I need to write! I’m so close to my goal for the month. I need about 2000 more words between today and Tuesday in order to make the goal I made for myself. I got behind on my goal for the year so I’ve been trying to make up some of that loss. I got behind enough to know that I need to average about 635 words a day from now until the end of the year. My initial goal was an average of 600 words a day, but with being a little short in May and getting only about halfway to my June goal, I’m a good deal farther behind than I’d like. I wanted to try to make up for some of that this month. Maybe average more like 650 or 700 words a day to take some of the pressure off future months like September and October when I’ve got lots of stuff going on, but I couldn’t quite get there. I’m not too terribly upset by that. In all fairness, this is the best writing month I’ve had in the last three or four months so I can’t complain. I was able to write two fanfic stories and one Writer’s Cramp story as well as some bits and bobs of other things. I think this is the least hard my stories have fought me all year, so I’m certainly thankful for that.

It has felt wonderful to produce at that level too. I mean, I know that other people somehow manage to pump out over a thousand words a day, and I have done that here and there, but I’m trying not to compare myself to other people. I’m trying to remember that comparison kills confidence and creativity. The best thing I can do is try to improve myself and that’s what I’m doing by pushing myself to write. And now apply for grad school. So yeah, I just need to pump out some more words. I can do that. I’m really close and I can do it.

Current Mood: amused

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Kate

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