float_on_alright: procrastination is hard work (procrastination is hard work)
 

 

Maybe I should rename my blog "Ramblings of a Night Owl" or something like that because I swear that's all that's on here. Me rambling. That's okay, I guess. I don't need it to be anything else. I created this mostly for fun though also with the intent of posting fan fiction. I haven't written much fanfic recently. I finished writing a Wynonna Earp fic before the new season started and I finished a Mark/Vex story that should probably never see the light of day, but that I had fun writing. I also wrote a bit of a "not-fic" for Stiles and Derek after watching an episode of American Ninja Warrior, but I'm not sure I count that really, and I think I only put it on Tumblr anyway.


I've put on Grimm while I write this. An episode from season five I think. I would watch Midnight Texas episodes again, but I'm still waiting for them to finish downloading on my computer. I have a bit of a backlog. I buy things on my Apple TV, and then six months later I open iTunes on my computer and deal with the onslaught of available downloads. I think I downloaded all the Wynonna Earp episodes already but I know I still have a bunch of Shadowhunters episodes to download before I get to the Midnight Texas episodes. Since I was talking about my ships last night, I started thinking about Nick and Adalind which made me want to watch them again. I've gone back to the episode where Adalind is about to have the baby because, why not? Plus, that's where things start to change for them. Once she has the baby and he decides he wants to be in his kid's life, they start being partners, then friends, and then more.


I worried a lot about whether or not they would eventually get him back with Juliet. One of the episodes that got me the most concerned -- at least in advance -- is the one where the Cupid guy starts effing with the group, and suddenly everyone is in love with the wrong person. I think it was a Valentine's Day episode, but I think Juliet was spelled into being in love with Nick again or something. I can't remember exactly, but I feel like they had a kiss in it and I was anxious.


Towards the end when Juliet started to get her humanity back, where she stopped being so robotic I was sure that they were going to put her and Nick back together. There's an episode or two with them running around together in the alternate universe, and the previews seemed like the two of them might be bonding. And I think they did, but not in the way I was worried might happen.


So here I am, it's almost 11:30 and I really need to go to bed, and I've spent all this time thinking about my ships and not processing the fact that tomorrow is my second to last day at Scholastic and that I only have 16 hours of work there left.


I mean, I'm starting at a library, and I can't begin to imagine what my life is about to be like.  I'm going to make new friends and have new experiences and try to learn new things and try to face new challenges and projects, and I'm terrified and overwhelmed, and I wish I could take time off before I start the other job, more than just a weekend but I really can't.


I'm excited and scared and hopeful and worried and sad and happy. It's been a tangle of emotion I haven't been able to sort out the tangle of emotions. I guess I just have to keep trying.


Happy Kate

Sep. 19th, 2017 10:21 pm
float_on_alright: hardison what did i say (hardison what did i say)
I have three days left at Scholastic. I’m trying to get a podcast done before Friday which should be interesting. I was going to do it tonight, but I decided not to instead, lol. I got into the book I was listening to, but also I just didn’t wanna tonight. I just didn’t want to do anything if I’m honest. I should probably be in bed already but instead, I’m rewatching bits of Midnight Texas because I’m obsessed and I want to live in the world where my ship is canon. Because I have so few straight ‘ships, I rarely get to enjoy this. Or at least it feels that way. Granted, even a few of my straight ships didn’t happen. In the Avengers movie universe I was hoping that Clint Barton would end up with Darcy, even though they literally never meet in canon. I don’t even remember how that started for me, but there you go. And then I thought, if not Darcy then he should definitely be with Natasha. But no, they didn’t do that either. 

Actually, that still annoys me. If they weren’t going to hook him up with Bobbi Morse or Natasha Romanoff like he does in the comic books for a while then he should've been a sketchy, broke bachelor in a crappy ass apartment in … Queens or the Bronx or whatever borough that man is living in during Matt Fraction's series. This whole thing with him in a farmhouse and fifteen children, just does not ring true for me. I don’t know what it is about that scenario but I just cannot buy it. It’s not that I don’t like the actress who plays his wife. I do like her, she’s great. And her character is great! At least what little we know of her. Supporting him and believing in him and trusting him through all the crazy, stupid, avengers crap. I’d really like to know how she handled the brainwashing thing from the first go round, because I think she would’ve handled it like a boss. But the direction they took with his private life still pisses me off. 

I did get Grimm, which I’m pretty thankful about it and I mean, Wayhaught GIVES ME LIFE. Honestly, I could probably live for centuries on the power of Nicole Haught and Waverly Earp’s incredible love for each other. And of course my original OTP was Ron and Hermione. Do they have a ship name? I never thought about it. I didn’t really get into Harry Potter fanfiction for all that I believe the Harry Potter series is one of the best things ever to exist. 

I’m not sure what point I had in writing all this tonight. I think I just needed to brain vomit for a bit. 

The book I’m reading is really good, and really interesting and you know I love a good gay romance. 

And now I really do need to go to bed but instead I’m watching bits of the last episode of Grimm because I mentioned how much I love Nick and Adalind. I wonder if I’m in the majority there or in the minority on that. Those two started as enemies and Adalind has done some pretty shitty things, but even when she was a villian I loved her. I realize that my love of Adalind is something I have rambled about previously but it seems relevant. 

Some of my other ‘ships include Root and Shaw who were in love with each other in canon but of course one of them died which means I pretty much refuse to count them. If one of them ends up dead, then they’re not canon any more and I can’t live in the happy place of a canon couple. Sorry, not sorry. 

I was well invested in Mary and Marshall in “In Plain Sight” and I’m still pissed about them not working out -- another thing I have bitched about in the past. 

Steve and Danny on Hawaii 5-0 were my very first fanfic ship and if there are any shows that write characters like they’re in a long term relationship better than the writers who write that show, I haven’t seen it. I’ve seen a shit ton of canon couples who don’t get written that well. I’ve mostly made peace with the fact that they’ll never get together in the show. 

The ship I’ve shipped the longest and possibly the hardest is Sterek, probably. Wayhaught is a close second but because they get to play out on the show I don’t obsess about the fanfic as much. 

You know what, Emily Andreas continues to be my hero because she gave me Bo and Lauren and Mark and Vex. I’m still upset that Hale died, but at least I know that Kenzi will join him in the afterlife per the almost wedding in season… four I think? God Bless Emily Andreas. 

Gosh, it’s really nice to have canon ships. It just really, really is. It was so rare for years, and now I have a few. Some of them are even queer! I have Hollstien, Wayhaught, Mark x Vex, Chuy and Joe, Camille and Amanda, Magnus and Alec, Maggie and Alex. I think I’m even forgetting some! I’m desperately holding my breath for Alex and Magnus shit in Ship of the Dead. Like I am jumping out of my skin for that next book. 

I really am rambling a lot, aren't I? It must be bedtime. 


float_on_alright: I understand which if i think about it disturbs me (I understand which if i think about it d)
I have four work days left at Scholastic and it honestly hasn’t felt real, until today. Today was the moment that it started to feel real. I’d been plugging away on the tasks and contacting people and I’ve been so busy that I really haven’t had time to realize that I’m about to be moving on to a new job. I’ve been sort of settled into Scholastic. And there have been so many amazing experiences there and that the same time there have been a lot of tough ones too. 

The weird thing is that I’ve become a bit of a go to person at the office. I’ve become a person that people ask for advice and suggestions and information and for coaching and I’m about to leave that and start over. I’m about to have to learn a million new things, take on unknown new challenges, get to know new people. 

I need to write about this more and process this more, but I’m too tired now. I got too wrapped up in Midnight Texas finale stuff and now it’s waaayyyy to late for me to process this. Tomorrow is gonna be rough. 
 

Ugh.

Sep. 16th, 2017 10:40 pm
float_on_alright: if vex says it's worrisome it's probably the end of the world (vex worrisome)
It wasn’t terribly late when I went to bed last night, not for me anyway, but after a week of not going to bed at a reasonable time and having crazy busy work week as well as lots of social stuff going on plus a four hour-ish drive to Atlanta at the end of all that, 1:30 in the morning was absolutely too late for me to be going to bed. Added to that, getting up “early” to go to breakfast with Casey. I can’t say what time it was when I did get out of bed. I had woken up a few times and gone back to sleep and it felt like I had just closed my eyes after looking at my phone at 9:30 but I think it was probably more like an hour. I got dressed and packed up most of my stuff, then we drove to the little cafe and were ordering breakfast (after much debate) around 11:20. I’m thinking it was about fifteen minutes to the cafe. Although, we always have a lot of fun together so sometimes more time has passed than I realize when we’re hanging out together. Dinner the night before slipped by in a snap. 

Anyway, my point is that I didn’t sleep as long as I would’ve liked or as deeply as I would in my own bed. After breakfast I pretty much drove straight home, only stopping once for gas, etc. So I am tired and I am barely conscious if I’m honest. But I had a great trip and I’m not at all sorry that I went. 

When I got home I eventually unpacked, relistened to a book that’s terrible but one that I love, and then spent a little while “Facetiming” with my friend Emily which was fun. She and I have one of those relationships where you could watch paint dry and have fun. We’ve actually had a conversation about how it would be fun and what it would be like, if that tells you anything about our ridiculousness. So that’s a lot of the fun. 

I did some laundry and did unpack. 

Dammit, I wanna write but I need sleep. Yeah, I need to sleep. Really sleep. Long sleep. 

float_on_alright: live a f y life (live life af)
The last couple of weeks have been SO FREAKING CRAZY. First, I got the library job!! I’m so excited and terrified etc. etc. etc. I still have to pass my background check and I am a little concerned that my credit check might be an issue. I mean my credit is okay but I’ve got debt and a lot of it is not very responsible. Not that it’s been a problem in the past it’s just that this is the most intense background check I’ve ever had done--including when I worked as a group leader at the after school “care” program where I looked after children. I mean I get it to an extent. This is definitely the type of job where I’ll be around teens and kids and families and the general public of course. 

In the midst of figuring out the new job situation, I had DragonCon. Which was amazing. So amazing. I loved it. It was stressful occasionally being pushed in with so many people. They had record attendance this year and there were over 80,000 people crammed into like a four block area. It might be a little more than that, but honestly not much. The hotels are giant of course which helps but you're still talking about a lot of people. It’s a great time though overall and even though you're crammed into a room with 10,000 (okay, it’s more like 4,500 that fit in that room) other people to see Alex Kingston and Karen Gillan after waiting in a line that wrapped around a building or two you still feel pretty safe. I do occasionally worry what would happen if there was a fire. 

I’m an anxious person in general and the thought of trying to get that many people out of a room in the event of an emergency is pretty terrifying. But they are strict about room capacities and not letting more people in than allowed by codes etc. which does help. Still, on Saturday when I couldn’t move more than two inches at a time on the bottom floor of the Hyatt Regency… Or was it the Marriott? No I think it was the Hyatt...It definitely wasn’t the Sheraton, the Westin, or the Hilton... while I was trying to find where the line was going to be to see the Wynonna Earp panel, I did envision a horrible, fiery death after getting trampled by a stampede of nerds. 

Thankfully that didn't happen. 

The panels were amazing. I had so much fun. 

It’s weird how the panels make you feel like you’re getting personal time with the celebs. I mean you can go to the “Walk of Fame” and get actual personal time with the celebs of course, but you still somehow feel a personal connection to them when they’re answering questions from audience members for an hour in front of a sea of people. 

Michael Rosenbaum actually did jump out into the audience and get very up close and personal with quite a few members of the crowd which was great fun. He is a great storyteller. Just so freaking funny. A couple of my friends go see him whenever they can though I did hear some of my other friends say he can be an ass. I don’t know anything other than that I’ve enjoyed a good bit of the stuff he’s done (he’s my fave Lex Luthor, judge me if you want) and that he was wonderful to his fans at the panel and a great storyteller. His was one of my favorite panels. 

I’m still not over the Wynonna Earp panels. I went to two. I wanted to try to go to all four but I had to choose between seeing the third one and getting to see my friends plus the Michael Rosenbaum panel and one of the panels John Cusack did and since I love both those guys and my friends and I had already seen two Wynonna Earp panels, I made the choice to see the other stuff. I don’t regret the decision. I think I made the best choice I could, given the circumstances, and I’m really glad I got to spend a few hours with my friends. I still wish I could’ve made it to all four. The fourth was on while I was having lunch but I wasn’t going to miss lunch with Reb and Molls. I was jealous of my friend Casey who when to see the cast on the walk of fame while I was at lunch. She got to chat with Emily Andras about the writing and got a hug from Tim Rozon and Shamier Anderson and then meet Kat Barrell.

I still got to meet two authors I really like. One writes my favorite Sterek fics and wrote one of my all time favorite books. I’ve pre-ordered the next in her series and she says she’s sending signed copies for people who pre-ordered so I’m super excited to get that. Her official author name is C.B. Lee and I loooooooovvveee “Not Your Sidekick.” I’m anxiously awaiting “Not Your Villian” which comes out in mid-October. There is so much amazingness coming in the next few month or so. 

I’m going to a concert this weekend with my friend Casey which means my fourth trip to Atlanta since the last weekend in July. It’s like I go down there every other week now, lol. And if I’m not working, I hope to go down there for their Pride in October. I’ll be working rotating weekends at the library and I think that means working Sunday having a couple of days off during the week and then working Saturday and being off the Sunday after. Which means that you would always have at least one weekend day off each weekend make make it so that you only had the whole weekend off every three weeks if I’ve thought about this correctly. I’m not sure I’m thinking about that correctly. But looking at a calendar, it might actually work out. I’d have to make up another reason to go down there but I’m sure I could think of something. 

Besides, I’ve always wanted to go to a Pride event but I can’t risk going in my own town right now unless my family is at the beach or something. Even that would be risky but I’m not known for going out on the weekends unless it’s for a special occasion or I’m with people. 

One of the other great things I have coming up is my friend visiting from California!! I can’t wait to see her! Even more tricky is that another friend is visiting that same weekend from Minnesota. They’re really not similar and I don’t think California friend would like Minnesota friend. Minnesota friend is what I would call an acquired taste. She can come off condescending and a little rude. She's really wonderful and smart and she loves her friends fiercely but it takes a while to peel back the other shit to see it. My California friend on the other hand is funny and quirky and while she’s smart, she’s not the grad school for a environmental health science grad school kind of smart. And she’s a bit into the occult and the other friend is agnostic and thinks almost anything spiritual or religious is bullshit. 

They have a lot in common in some ways. They both grew up without siblings around (one because their youngest sibling was more than a decade older and one because she was an only child). They both have issues with Christian religion stuff. They’re both friends with me so that’s something right? But I just don’t see them mixing well? I don’t know. Sometimes I just don’t think some of my friends will get others. I don’t know how I ended up with friends who are so different from each other even though I’m fiercely connected to each of them. I guess that’s probably something that happens to everyone? I’ve just never really noticed it, probably. 

There is so much more I want to talk about but it’s 3am and I have a big day tomorrow and lots of adventuring to do. Not to mention that I really need to tidy my room and clean the bathroom. 

float_on_alright: artie researching (research is not for wussies)
I have my interview in the morning and I've spent the evening trying to get ready for it. I'm nervous a little bit but I'm also super, super excited. I don't know how my presentation will go over but I actually had a lot of fun putting it together. I'm just mad I ran out of magenta ink and I couldn't print all of the posters etc. I'd mocked up for the "event." That's okay though. I've got a sample in the "slides" I printed. I've ordered replacement ink so I am thinking when I send my thank you note that I might attach something cute. Or something. I don't know. I'll get to that later. I'm counting the words I have on my slide towards my word count for the month. I spent time and did a tiny bit of research (there may or may not be a works cited slide at the end of my presentation... okay there is, but it's a library for goodness sake. Anyway, the interview is at 8:30 am tomorrow so I need to get to bed so I can shower in the morning. I did pick out my clothes so I won't have to go through that in the morning at least. Wish me luck everyone!!

 
float_on_alright: I have no idea what i'm doing out of bed (no idea what i'm doing out of bed)
I’m still so effing tired y’all; worn slam out I am. I did a good bit today. Got my returns to Zulily worked out and off to FedEx. Did a few morning pages. Spent an hour and a half with the branch manager of my local library to help me prep for my interview at the library in Charlotte. I was hoping she’d have five or ten minutes for me, but seriously she spent ages with me which was super, super kind. I definitely want to send her a thank you note or something. 

I wish my handwriting was better but it’s unfortunately terrible. I can probably put something reasonable together though if I try really, really hard. My friend Emily has incredible handwriting and I’m always so, so jealous. 

Anyway, moving on. What else did I do today? Well, I did some tidying up around my room though I still have a bit more to do. I helped mom kill a black widow spider that was in our mailbox. I sent off the tire warranty thing I’d been meaning to send off for about three months (it was low priority). I activated my refund cards from the medical peoples. I got my old Kindle set up and charged so that I can use it as my official writing reference book. I was thinking how most of the time I get paperback copies of my writing reference books because I want to be able to highlight and study etc. But I can make notes and highlight on a Kindle. But I didn’t want to use the kindle I normally use for reading because I felt like I’d have trouble swimming through my other 3,000 books and documents and that would also be distracting. The Kindle editions are often much cheaper so now that I have a dedicated Kindle to keep at my writing desk, I won’t feel like I have to have the paperback in most cases. I’m sure there will still be exceptions. 

I feel like there were other, little tasks I did today but that I’m forgetting them. I did give the dog her heart worm medicine and put the tick and flea repellent on her. She was such a good girl. I need to clean her ears again, but she always hides from me for hours, sometimes a whole day, after I do that to her and she hates it so much. I really hate doing it to her but she’s been shaking her head and scratching her ears a lot lately so I know they’re bothering her. I did a wash Thursday and they seemed to be a lot better today (... yesterday? Friday, whatever that is now) which is good but when I did the wash her ears looked red and aggravated and I doubt one wash is enough. At the same time the wash is only meant to be used a couple of times a week so I don’t want to do back to back days either, just in case. I don’t do it on the regular even though I really, really should. She hates it so much that I get to feeling really bad about it. Not to mention that it’s a monster of a task to do, even if you have two people. She’s a pretty big dog and she fights. Well, she fights to get away; she never barks or growls or snaps or bites or anything like that. 

Wynonna Earp was bat shit crazy tonight. I think next week is going to be crazy face. I wish I didn’t have to get through a whole work week in order to get to the next episode, but dems dah breaks. 

I really need to sleep. I have breakfast with my sister in the morning. 

float_on_alright: kate bishop with her head on a desk in exasperation (asdf)
I’m exhausted. We had our big “zone” meeting this week. This year they did it in Atlanta which turned out to be pretty nice. I think this week’s was the best food so far when it comes to these meetings. This is my fifth one (I’ve been at the company four years but I went to the first one a week into my first year so) and while it was full of a lot of bullshit there were also a lot of great fun moments. I mostly managed to write my morning pages though sometimes they took have the day. It’s just hard when you’re sharing a room with someone to manage that. You’re sharing all the space. And the light. And if you set an alarm it wakes them up too. And just, yeah, then they’re there and if they’re up they often like to talk about the upcoming day. One morning I was just too hungover to manage it. It was all I could do to listen through the speech that morning and DEAR GOD IT WAS THE WORST SPEECH I HAVE EVER HAD TO SIT THROUGH but i had to sit down for a minute after every action until about 10am. Once I got to 10, I was able to mostly get back on track. It still took all day to write those three pages. But whatever, I wrote them. 

I also didn’t read for four days and that is the end of my reading deprivation. I’ll make it through today but I’m going back to reading tomorrow. I have never, in my life, gone this long without reading. Even before I could read, I read more than this or was read to and that counts if listening to audiobooks counts and it does. Anyway, yeah, done with the deprivation thing. Super, duper over it. I get, really, really, really get why it’s assigned and It’s been an interesting exercise and it did make me figure out something else to do when my “default” wasn’t available to me--which is good. I needed to push myself a little. And this week was a good week for that because there was a ton going on. But where I often would’ve retreated to a book to give myself a break from the onslaught of people and input, I forced myself to stay present and participate and talk to people or just sit quietly and let the noise wash over me. I do think it was good for me to take a few days away. And I think I should probably keep something of this lesson with me for the future. Remember to people watch more often, indulge in music regularly, and to sit with my emotions without hiding from them when they well up. 

I will commit to the writing again though. I’m supposed to be writing or editing or participating in workshops or other supportive creative endeavors for at least an hour a day. Well, starting tomorrow. I’m exhausted tonight after the shenanigans from this week. I need to go get my laundry out of the wash and clean off my bed and then I’ll probably head to bed. I’m just worn out and so ready to sleep alone and in my own bed again. 

I'm supposed to do an artist’s date every week, but I don’t know what to do for myself this week. Honestly, I’m really just too tired to think about anything at all so I probably shouldn’t be trying to tackle this problem now, but I only have tomorrow and Saturday left. Tomorrow all I really want to do is sleep and read and neither of those things really counts as an artist’s date. I should probably leave this as a problem for tomorrow but sometimes when I’m this tired I can’t let a problem go. It’s like my brain doesn’t know how to shut down any more and it gets fixated on problems that it “needs to solve” even though I’ll be able to do a much better job at coming up with ideas and figuring out a plan for them once I’ve rested. It’s aggravating that sometimes I’m too tired to logic myself into going to bed when that’s what's needed to set me to rights so that I can start thinking again. I’m talking in circles. Or something. Dammit. 

Sleepy Kate

Aug. 3rd, 2017 11:33 pm
float_on_alright: officer haught (officer haught)
I wrote a story that I was kind of proud of last night and it was just a little short thing, but I ended up winning a little mini competition on the Writing.com website. I think there were only a couple of entries, but it was still kind of amazing. And it got a 4 and a half star review by another, random user! So that was exciting too. I need to get on track with writing my Hallmark-Christmas-Movie Style story but I’ve been dragging my feet on writing for the last week or so. That’s probably why last night’s story felt so damn good to write. I’d written a few bits of things but they aren’t crystallizing for me yet. I’ll keep plugging on them. I think working on the prompts is good for me. I’m working my way through the book, prompt by prompt and making myself work with prompts even if I don’t initially get “inspired.” I think it’s helping. I think the morning pages are good for me too. Making myself get up early enough before work to do them is not easy for me because I’m not naturally an early riser and I have a propensity for staying up for far too long at night making it even more difficult to do mornings. 

It feels good to be something like creative in the morning, to dump on the page anything dumb. It feels good and I don’t re-read it. Sometimes I remember some of what I said, but it’s mostly nonsense and whining. Still, it somehow feels like one of the first things I do in the morning is be creative and productive. It also feels like self-care, kinda? Like the first thing I’m doing is something that’s good for my mental well-being and my creative goals. It’s still hard to get up, haha, and I have to set a timer on my watch to help me stay focused on the writing and not drift off into la la land which is pretty easy to do. It’s something I should use if I shower in the morning because I often sort of drift off in the shower and I don’t know if I actually fall asleep but it kind of feels like it. 

I am so looking forward to Saturday. I’m going to sleep in and I’m going to have a bubble bath and it’s going to be lovely. 

I'm taking a break from the one writing workshop. I’d like to go back to it eventually because I did find it helpful, but right now I don’t need to be spending $25 a month on something I’m not using every week and I’m going to need a few weeks to get some stories together. Plus, look I know that’s not a lot of money but I’d rather put it towards the DragonCon adventure. Especially since it’ll take us three weeks to get our first paycheck now that we’re back at work and I’ll have bills due during DragonCon. I shut off a couple of other monthly subscriptions - Medium and some Microsoft something. I’m going to do some budgeting things too. I’ve made up budgets in the past but they haven’t been very… well let’s just say I have no clue what I’m doing. Dad got me something to help me though I just need to start using it. 

I also have a couple of jobs to apply for that I would LOVE TO HAVE so I need to fix my resume and get the applications in. One is due the 5th - why a Saturday, I cannot say - and the other is due the 15th. I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m trying to think of a way to reward myself or ease the pain of redoing my resume to help my motivation. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. 

I’m going to call it a night here in minute. 

float_on_alright: That's not the right wine (not the right wine)
I go back to work tomorrow and I’m feeling like the things I really want to do are write, read, and sleep and it’s like the joke about college where you have good grades, decent a social life, and regular sleep and you can only pick two. If I take the time to read and write, I won’t get a lot of sleep. If I get decent sleep I’m going to have to limit my reading and writing time. The audiobook thing helps a little because I know I’ll be able to listen in the car and with work starting back I’ll be spending plenty of time in the car. I just don’t want all my reading time to be relegated to listening in the car in the work week either. I hate ragging on my job. It’s a good job and one that really has a lot of perks as well as a lot of great coworkers. There are a few people I’d rather not spend time with ever again, but no matter what you do I think that’ll be an issue. Nowhere is perfect. 

These six weeks have been so amazing overall. No matter the stress I felt some days or the anxiety and panic attacks I had to deal with - those are things that would’ve been worse had I been working as well as trying to do all those other things. I’m so grateful for the time off I had. When I first found out I wasn’t going to be working this summer I’ll confess that I felt a little insulted that they didn’t have a slot for me this summer and that they chose one of the other girls to work over me but I pretty quickly got very excited about the time off. I knew it would fly by and it really has. I cannot believe how quickly it past. Time does fly when you’re doing lots of stuff and having lots of fun. I wish I could go back and start over. Just like hit the rewind button. Maybe skip back a couple of chapters. But that isn't how life works and I’ll be back at work tomorrow. 

It’s not like I don’t have a ton of good stuff to look forward to. The trip to Atlanta for SKO will be fun since Emily and I will get to room together for those few days. It’ll be like having a sleepover for a few days even if we have a shit ton of meetings to go to. Then Juleia is visiting at the end of August, a few days before I head to Atlanta again (I am spending more time in Atlanta this summer than in the last couple of years combined, I’m pretty sure) for DragonCon and the writer’s workshop. It’s going to be so fun. I was worried about where I was going to stay for DragonCon a little bit. I knew that I was good to stay with Casey for the workshop but I didn’t know if she was going to be able to (or want to) put me up for the whole thing and I haven’t talked to the girls I went with last time much at all in the last few months. I’m pretty sure they’re going but I didn't really feel like I had a place with them either. But Casey made it clear she’d totally assumed that I was staying with her for the whole thing. So no matter what now, I know I’ll be okay. It’s such a relief. I’m still nervous as fuck about the trip and the workshop and the crowds and just everything that the Con is, but I’m really excited for it too. 

That’s just in the next like five weeks! Anyway, I’m going to try to focus on the perks of my job and the things I have to look forward to instead of the anything else. I need to get back into writing my stories too but I think I’d better get some sleep. I want to finish my book but it’s already 11 and I have to be up around 6am tomorrow. *Le Sigh*


float_on_alright: dies from epic overdose (dies from epic overdose)
Part of me wanted to do some writing tonight but we’ve had such a fun day and it’s already after 1:30 in the morning and we’ve been fangirling and laughing and such pretty much all day. I have been doing my morning pages so it’s not like I’ve totally neglected my writing but I haven’t done anything fictional in a few days either. Even as I type this though, the kitten in here with me likes to attacking my hands because of the way my fingers move across the keyboard. It’s cute but he nearly dragged my iPad off the bed once already tonight and I’m not much interested in him trying again. Plus I’m tired. We spent like five hours at the pool today and I ended up with just a touch of sunburn and she ended up with more than touch -- even with the sunscreen and spending some of our time in the shade or under an umbrella. The cat just attacked my hands again and now he’s rubbing the screen with his face. I think I’m just going to read and try again tomorrow. Good night you all! 

P.S. I'm really excited for DragonCon. 

float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)
 

I think I’m going to make. I found two more places to submit to, reworked my cover letters, and fired away. I also did the next assignment which was to write the people whose opinions of your writing really matter on a 1 inch by 1 inch piece of paper. I don’t have a ruler so I had to wing it, but I figure no one can complain about me putting three people on the list. I mean, that should be short enough to fit on a 1 square inch piece of paper. Especially if I shortened their names or wrote them really small, right? Anyway, while I’m sure the visual reference is helpful, and I might do it one day, I think the message of the assignment was clear. I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a “spirit of the law” kind of girl and that ain’t gonna change anytime soon.


Part of me wants to power through the other two assignments tonight, but I think I need some rest. I think that I’ll be able to complete them tomorrow more easily and quickly having got some real sleep.


Tomorrow will also hopefully involve some writing something that isn’t a journal entry, but we’ll see. I’m also eager to finish the book I’m listening to. It’s interesting to me that the narrator of the stories isn’t a narrator I’ve been thrilled with in the past but I still think I’d rather stick with listening to the stories instead of reading them. I’m not totally sure, but I am leaning that way. Normally I find her barely tolerable and it’s not like she’s doing such a better job on these than she did on the others I’ve heard by her. Maybe it’s just that these books are so much better than the other books I’ve heard her read. Not that the other books were bad, they weren’t. It’s just that those other books were… “well, that was fun” as opposed to what I’m listening to now which is more like, how can I get five more minutes listening to this book. I know, I’ll empty the dishwasher, that way “I’m being productive” so I won’t feel guilty about how I’m spending this time but I can still listen to the book.


What I’m reading now is by one of my all time favorite writers, Shelly Laurenston. I just relistened to her “Pride” series, which is probably my favorite series by her though her “Call of Crows” series is fantastic too and I enjoyed her “Magnus Pack” series too. This series is under her pen name (I think it’s her pen name and not the other way round), G.A. Aiken. It’s Dragons and witches and warlords and shit. Where her shapeshifter books take place in modern, earth times, Dragon Kin takes place in a world of Dragon Gods and swords. Both epically fun though. You have to have an affinity for cursing, bloodshed, raunchy language, and sort of questionable or unstable main characters, but I find them hilarious and exciting. She’s one of the few authors I still read that doesn’t really pass the “But is it gay?” question. She does have an odd side character (I can think of 2 for sure and a 3rd I suspect) who turns out to be gay, but they’re not developed. Still though, I enjoy her main characters. Her female characters are especially fun to me because they’re usually vicious (though in different ways, sometimes with violence, but sometimes in craftiness) and funny.  I mean, one of her characters has the moniker “The Blood Queen” and she’s actually a queen. “The Viper” and “The Beast” are really fun too. “The Beast” is plain and bespectacled and brilliant. One of the characters in the “Pride” series is famous for her favorite saying which she got from her father, “Time to start the killing.” And Cella Malone is a former marine, a bare knuckles boxer, and a hockey player. There’s all kinds of “politics” between shifters and packs and families and it’s just fun. She’s also suppppper diverse with characters who are of a bunch of different backgrounds and descents.


And I’m officially rambling. But seriously, I love that author. She’s got another series she’s going to be doing soon, I think it’s coming out next year that has me really excited.


So now that I’ve blown off some steam writing about the author of the book I want to be reading, I’m going to go listen to the book for a bit and get some sleep.


Oh Kate.

Jun. 24th, 2017 12:13 am
float_on_alright: I have no idea what i'm doing out of bed (no idea what i'm doing out of bed)
 

So last night I said I was either going to go write some more or go to sleep. I got into bed and I think I had every intention of going to sleep but then somehow I put on my book that I had been listening to earlier in the day, maybe I just thought I’d listen to one more funny bit - I can’t rightly remember where my mind was - and then I ended up listening to it and playing games on my phone until I’d finished somewhere around 6 am. And then I got up around 9:45 am to go for a walk. I know, madness. Absolutely craziness. I really want to watch the new episode of Wynonna Earp that aired tonight and stay up and tweet about it and I want to write more after that but I think I probably won’t. I’ve got a bit of a headache and I need more than anything else in the world right now, besides breathing I guess, to get this mascara off my face. I don’t know what I was thinking putting on mascara. I mean it looks pretty but I fucking hate mascara. Anyway, if I’m incoherent tomorrow, y’all will know why.

 

 
float_on_alright: apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts (apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts)
 

So last night I had every intention of going to bed after I finished writing a big. I went upstairs, brushed my teeth, got into bed… and realized I had woken myself up a bit with the getting read part. So I thought I’d just listen to a bit more of my book Silver Silence by Nalini Singh. It was just after midnight and I figured I’d just listen for a few minutes. But see, the book was really, really good. I’ve been following the series for about five years now. I think the first book was published in 2006 but I didn’t find them until there was a sale on the Audible editions and I came across them by chance.

 

It’s interesting that with this series there were a few I didn’t love and the second most recent was a giant monstrosity that flipped back and forth between nearly every remotely significant character she’d ever written about in the series (that wasn’t dead, obvs) and was basically all these characters we’d been following for fourteen books and innumerable short stories, novellas, and extras having babies or obsessing about babies or thinking of having babies. It was A LOT OF BABIES. Which makes a certain amount of sense really. I mean how you can write romance books that take place over several years in the same “world” and not have at least some of them popping out babies? You can’t is the answer to that. It was hard to focus though because there were just so many perspectives. It was still good, but I was starting to wonder how much longer I was really going to be invested in the series/world - especially since she didn’t really have any gay characters.

 

HAHHHHHH. I stayed up until after 5am last night desperate to get to the end. And while the main characters of course get together and start their lives together, the book still managed to end on one MAJOR cliffhanger and a minor one or two. So I listened to a 16+ hour book in about a day and a half even with all the Father’s Day activities we did yesterday and the writing and editing I’ve been doing and my exhaustion. Obviously, I’m going to be fighting to get my hands on a copy of the next one as early as possible which will still, very likely, be at least a year from now.

 

She also added a couple of gay characters who look like they might get together. There’s a potential - in my opinion - for a whole book. I don’t know how likely it is that she’ll write a whole book about them but I’m crossing every part of my body in hopes of a novella dedicated to them. I mean she’s given them the similar build up to some of her other characters in past books who went on to get their own books but I just don’t want to get my hopes up too high. I’m so excited and thankful that they exist and them being gay is treated totally casually and their interest in each other is treated in a way that’s just so freaking cuuuuuute that I have to say I am ecstatic about things thus far. I would buy seven more copies of this book if it gets me more of these two. God, I loved it when we got a hint of them. They’re not the focus of course and you get lots of information about each of them separately from each other. One of them is a trusted “second” of the main male character who is a changeling (read shapeshifter) bear and the other is the brother of the main female character (who is a powerful psy). The bear is flirting with the psy who is pretending not to be interested (he’s totally blushing and verbally sparing with the bear) and it’s AMAZING.

 

I’m a little stressed about everything I need to do tomorrow - submit my story to the contest, work on my lit mag course work (I’m behind), file for unemployment, take my dad’s car to the shop for him, finish doing laundry, start looking for jobs to apply for to qualify for unemployment, and pick up some books from the library for dad. I feel like I’ve forgotten something which isn’t helping the slight panic attack happening in my chest right now. I’m thinking about going back on the Wellbrutrin for a bit to see if it eases the panic attacks a little. I’d rather not get back on the medication if I can help it. It messed with my period in a way that’s super annoying and I already have PCOS (a hormonal disorder that comes with all kinds of lovely extra risks) so I really hate making that worse. I also feel like I did an amazing job at kicking depression (I totally did) and I feel iike that means I can kick the shit out of the anxiety too.

 

Let me be clear, there is no shame in taking medication. There is nothing wrong with taking medication. But I grew up with a mom who called medicine “third aid” and never gave us medicine unless we were dying (or killing her with our complaints probably). It’s one of those things that just stuck with me. So now I have to decide if my anxiety is killing me (or making me whine enough to make someone else want to give me the medicine) or if this is still treatable in other ways.

 

The other thing about the panic attacks is that they’re also a sort of barometer for my actions. If I’m doing things that are making me scared, it’s because I’m doing things that really matter to me and I’m afraid of succeeding and I’m afraid of failing and I’m totally headed in the right direction. I honestly believe if there isn’t a least a part of me that’s scared of whatever it is that I’m doing, I shouldn’t waste a lot of time on doing it. I want that gauge and I feel like it’s possible I’d lose it on the medication. If the medication is doing it’s job, I really should lose those indicators. It’s complicated against.

 

I’m not sure I’m making any sense any more so, peace and love y’all.

float_on_alright: we prefer intellectual badass (we prefer intellectual badass)
 
It doesn’t yet feel like I’m on vacation. It just feels like another weekend. I haven’t had a summer off since the first year I worked for Scholastic so I have to say I’m feeling a little nervous about the unemployment thing but also really excited to have six weeks of not going into work. I have about 43 days until I have to go back to work I think. I know that it’s going to go by in flash. I know that I will have barely taken a breath before I’m back there again, but at the same time - 43 days. 

I have lots of homework and writing to do and it is still feeling a little overwhelming, but I don’t have a lot going on this week after tomorrow so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get a good chunk done thereby taking off some of that stress. 

I have so, so many things I’m looking forward to this summer not least of all writing though really. I didn’t get as much done this week as I would’ve liked writing wise but I did some good editing and I was exhausted. There’s only so much I can write when I’m really, really tired. I did a lot of reading though and that was very satisfying. I love to read and just hadn’t gotten in enough reading the last couple of months with all the writing and assignments. Reading for editing and reading for pleasure are just such different animals. I enjoy reading to give feedback and edit - I love it, mout of the time, actually. But they’re just so different and while they’re both satisfying in their own way, reading to edit/suggest changes/etc. just doesn't replace reading something that’s just being read for fun. Especially if someone else has done editing so that you have a nice cohesive story. 

I did get to write a little bit today. I’m working on my wolf shifter mystery thing and I got a little done today. It wasn’t easy considering I was still worn out and participating in a bunch of Father’s Day activities. We have some more planned for tomorrow but I should get to sleep in properly tomorrow which I think will be a great help to the situation. My other problem is that I’m listening to a book that I’m just really, really loving. 

Anyway, I’m looking forward to tackling my challenges this summer and hanging out with friends and hopefully a whole lot of reading by the pool! I am still nervous, but I don’t think that’s unusual. Plus I’ve been talking about how it’s good for me to do things that make me nervous and push me outside my comfort zone. Especially with something like this, that should really be fun and rewarding. 

I need to head to bed as much as I want to stay up and either write more or read more or both. Today has been wonderful and tomorrow will be too so long as I’m rested enough to enjoy it! Night y’all. 

float_on_alright: yoda says write! (write you must to finish your fic)
 

I wrote another bit of what I hope will be a book eventually today and it came so smoothly and easily. I only wrote about 500 words but I did it in less than 20 minutes so I was really pleased with that. I think I’ll be able to add more tomorrow.

 

It feels good to be writing again though I feel like I’m nearly constantly at the edge of a panic attack these days. Just living with the tightness in my chest that’s hard to breathe around. I’m not living with it constantly but I feel like it does happen every morning on my way to work. There’s this one stop light I come to when I get off the highway and I’m close to work and it’s like the point I wake up on my way to work because I’m basically just driving on autopilot and half a brain cell up to that point. I feel like that’s the point I see the signs of a panic attack. I take deep breaths and just try to recognize that I’m not dying without “fighting” it. A few minutes later I’ll be busy doing the math to figure out if I’ve made it “on time” since you have a small window to still be “on time” if you clock in (for example, 8:05 is 8am by the time/payclock) and my car clock is six minutes fast. Once I get to the “am I late, late or technically on time, late?” stage, I’m usually not feeling too bad.

 

Well, I’m a little behind on my writing goal for the month (goal of 30,000). I should be at 13,000 but I’m only at a little over 11,000 but that’s okay. I needed the break I gave myself. I’m addicted to reading right now which, look I know that I’m always a reader but I go through periods of intense reading and I’m in one of those places right now. In the last week I’ve read or listened to over 1200 pages. And that’s just counting the books and comics I’ve finished - not anything I’m part way through, fanfiction or short stories, or reading to edit.

 

I think it might be the time of year. I mean my schools are shutting down, it’s summer, and I was conditioned in school and in my current job that summer meant reading. This might be a pavlov's bell thing. Or it could just be my own natural reading rhythm which brings these kinds of things up every 3 - 6 months.

 

I’m not sure.

 

Anyway, my POINT is that... Nope, no idea what my point is. Possibly that I’m well ahead on my reading goal for the month and my editing goal for the month so I just need to buckle down and get to work on my writing and such. I’m scared of re-working my Mrs. Clause story but I’m also determined to do it.

 

But no more of that today. It’s my bedtime.

 

Peace.

 


float_on_alright: drink tea and read (drink tea and read)

I’m feeling a little burned out, I think. I know I'm a little disappointed that my Mrs. Claus story didn't get accepted to the anthology BUT she was very nice and I think she's right about why she passed on it. I'm very much considering re-writing the story and submitting it again later. Her submissions are done, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't fit anywhere else eventually if I work on it. 
 
I’m taking today and maybe tomorrow off from writing much because I think I do need a little bit of a break. But this isn’t a “giving up,” this is merely a tactical retreat to regroup, refuel, re-evaluate, and starting planning the next attack, so to speak. If it’s worth getting, it’s worth working hard for. I can improve. I can and I will. 
 
float_on_alright: never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburts you're a pink starburst (never let anyone treat you like a yellow)
I didn’t get a chance to rewatch Wynonna Earp today. I had a massage this morning (amazing) but then I got caught up talking to my massage therapist about Wonder Woman and other fandom and nerdom things so then by the time I left there I was starving. I ate lunch with dad who was watching Chicago Fire. 
 
And then I started working on my homework. One of the requirements of the Summer Writing Contest and the Beginning Writing Workshop is to critique other people’s writing.  I take that sort of thing pretty seriously on a whole. I guess I’ve been involved in writing courses and such for far too long to break that habit now. I mean I started learning “constructive criticism” at age 12 (about 19 years ago). That’s 6 stories to spend time on. I’ve done three. One of the stories was PHENOMENAL, one was okay, one was hard to understand, and one I didn’t review because it was incomprehensible. One or two people had managed to review it though and I decided to let them cover it. If no one else had said anything, I may have tried, but since two other people had already martyred themselves, I decided to honor their sacrifice. 
 
Then it was dinner time! I watched a movie with the folks and then dad and I watched Doctor Who. I thought about putting on Wynonna Earp then, but I hadn’t written yet and I still have homework to do and it just felt like I wasn’t going to be able to give it my proper attention yet and it definitely needs my proper attention. 
 
One of the things I need to write about at the moment is how I’m feeling about my Literary Magazine Course. The course is great so I guess it’s not the course exactly. I’ve gotten to the part where I’m supposed to pick a piece and start preparing it for a literary magazine. I keep looking through all the things I’ve written and I just don’t feel like any of them are literary. And then when I think of writing something new and “literary” my writer’s block slam off access to my creativity like a damn steel door on bank vault so now I’m feeling incredibly stuck. 
 
I know that I need to keep writing AND pick something. And I’m hopeful that I will get there. I’m pretty determined to get there. I’ve had some compliments on the things I’ve posted on the Becoming Writer site so that’s encouraging. I’m pretty happy with the stuff I’ve posted there. I have this first “chapter” written and posted there and I’m just so in love with the main character. She's a cranky bitch werewolf and she’s just… I don’t know. I’m kind of looking forward to torturing her? But seriously, she’s prejudice against humans and doesn't believe she needs anyone really. I think she has the ability to tell when someone is lying so I’m looking forward to playing with that too. 
 
I’ve stayed up way too late. 
 
float_on_alright: claudia wide eyed (claudia the eyes)
Holy Shit!!! What a day! We went to see Wonder Woman after work today - myself and a couple of my coworker bundies. I enjoyed the movie immensely. Of course I knew the moment it started that … I won’t spoil the movie but let’s just say there were a couple of sad things that happened that I just knew were gonna happen. 
 
I did get all choked up at the obviously appropriate places but then I also got choked up at other places too. Like she’s going across battle lines… here she goes into No Man’s Land and directly into the line of a ton of German soldier’s guns including what I’m pretty sure was some sort of .50 caliber machine gun and I’m trying not to cry. She’s obviously not going to die in the scene - it’s not a sad scene but it’s still somehow so glorious, so fantastic, so inspiring to me that I’m ready to cry in semi-public. 
 
Oh man, it was just so wonderful. And Robin Wright was so fucking badass, holy shit omg I loved her so much. They say she may have part - as a flashback or similar - in the Justice League movie and I was already kind of excited about seeing that one because it does look fun so now I’m even more excited. 
 
And Lucy Davis, who plays Etta, stole every scene she was in. She was snarky, she was loyal, she was down for fisticuffs and she knew when something was up and because of that she followed and tried to help by using a sword that she had 0 familiarity with. Her comment about glasses on Diana was PERFECT. 
 
I watched the season two premiere of Wynonna Earp tonight and I’m just… still processing. I don’t even. And just… Yeah, I haven’t got words yet. I’ll probably re-watch it tomorrow when it’s on my iTunes account as I bought the season pass. 
 
float_on_alright: thor knocked over after jane hit him with the truck for the 2nd time (might thor ooops)

I was researching literary magazines today for my Lit Mag Love course which was kind of fun. In my adventures of writing and contests, I came across another contest that I loved the sound of. There was an entry fee (not uncommon) but there were different levels. At one level you could get access to a publisher’s feedback so I thought… well, that might be worth a shot. So, I sign up, I pay my fee and low and behold, not only is it a contest as I mentioned with feedback as promised it’s also a six week course that includes submitting a piece of work to those also in the group every week - or something like that. I was sort of confused. I woke up fairly early today so I could do the office hours for the Lit Mag Love group and so Dad and I could go to the pool for a bit (which was lovely) so I was still pretty sleepy. 

So yeah. I’ve managed to sign myself up for more homework. 

It’s okay though. It’ll be good practice, good motivation, and force me to come up with new stories and characters. 

The next few weeks are going to be crazy. The Lit Mag Love is a 6 week course that started last Monday. This other thing is a 6 week commitment - if I’m not mistaken - that I’ve started today. I still need to put something together for my DragonCon workshop. I’m hoping all this other stuff is going to help me with that though. 

Right, well, I've had a pretty busy day and I’m bushed. Not to mention, I have a shit ton I’m aiming to do this month. I need my rest. Wish me luck y’all!

Profile

float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)
Kate

September 2017

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
101112131415 16
1718 19 202122 23
24252627282930

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 04:14 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios