Confessions of Fangirl

The good news is that I did manage to write more in December than I did in June by a few thousand words. The unfortunate thing is that I was only able to reach a little over half my goal for the month writing-wise. I know it was a weird month, not that I can believe it’s over. Where did October go? I know we were into the second week of October by the time I got back from England. I know my injury is throwing me off in weird ways that I never could’ve anticipated. I know that it’s been extra stressful being alone with extra bills as well. I’m so glad that the Hallmark Christmas movies have started up because they tend to give me a rush of pleasure. It’s a bit like eating chocolate, but it’s slightly less bad for me. There are a lot of books that get me that kind of rush too, and I’ve been re-listening to those if I can. I’ve read about how kids find comfort and joy in re-watching and reading things they love because they’re constantly surrounded by new things and the world is coming at them so fast and re-watching or re-reading something gives them a sense of “knowing” and “understanding” something about the world. Also, that humans, IN GENERAL, like to predict things and become elated if their predictions are validated. Even if they’ve already seen it, kids still feel that same elation. Kids may also not process much about the movie the first time around and I doubt that’s something that applies to me watching Matchmaker Santa for at least the fourth time, but I think a lot of the other does.  

I’ve noticed that the higher my level of anxiety and background stress, the more likely I am to want to just revisit things I love rather than taking on something—even if it seems like it’s something I’ve been looking forward to or something I can be fairly certain I’ll love. For example, I haven’t seen an episode of Wynonna Earp since the episode that aired before DragonCon. The season has ended and I’ve been working hard to avoid as many spoilers as I can. I own the season digitally and I have the SyFy app (which I can use for free with my cable subscription) so I have options to watch it. I’ve been the only one home for several weeks now so any and all TV time I’ve had is my own so it’s not like anyone else is encumbering me from watching it. I’ve had time to do an entire rewatch of seasons two and three of Legends of Tomorrow as well as watch the few episodes of season 1 I’d originally skipped and both of the new episodes from season 4, at least five Hallmark movies (there were two Valentine’s Days ones, two summer ones, one fall, and a handful of Christmas ones so it’s actually probably more like ten Hallmark movies), the new Midnight Texas episode, an episode of Doctor Who, an episode of The Rookie, and four episodes of Shitt’s Creek. I saw “The Meg” at the cheap-y theater again. And I’ve read quite a bit.

And the majority of this has just been since I’ve been back from England. It doesn’t include much of anything from the weeks prior or during.

I’ve read/listened to “Carry On” by Rainbow Rowell twice this week. That book is over five hundred pages long.

I’ve always been an avid reader, but since I’ve “allowed” myself (or stopped shaming myself out of) rereads, I’ve read even more. I suppose that’s not scientific, but I’ve been tracking my reading progress on GoodReads and I’ve read more approximate pages this year than any other recorded year. I’m also on track to have read more books in this year than any other year. I’ve got fourteen more books (novellas, graphic novels, comics, picture books—I’ve always counted it all) to match my previous record (366 in a year in a year that was a leap year) and there are still 60-ish days left in the year. I’m averaging over a book a day right now. Even if I drop that by half I’ll beat my previous record. Even considering that I’ll probably start the new year of reading about three days before the actual new year like I always do (December 28th-ish is usually the date, I’m not sure why it’s worked out that way, but there you go; I’m sure I’ve written about that in previous years;), I should still beat that record. It’s not super likely that’ll I’ll slow down that much. That’s just not who I am as a person.

I do count re-reads. I count “Carry On” as two or three books because I’ve read it, all the way through—not skipping around—two or three times.

I know that’s a bit of a tangent.

I’m going to Ashville this weekend which I’m looking forward to. I think I need a break from home. Well, some time separate apart from my family would do me some good. I say that, but I’ve barely seen them this week. With the adventures, I’ve been having, things like checking in on Cara’s Cat, book club, the gym, my checkup with the nurse practitioner on my fitness journey, and getting ready for this upcoming trip, I feel like I’ve been gone. I didn’t go to the gym a few days when I would normally go which meant I didn’t see my dad as much either because the time I spend with him to and from the gym in the car is often the most I see of him in the day. He’s been in bed by the time I’ve gotten home several nights this week and since I’m leaving straight from work to go to Ashville, I won’t see them tonight either. I’ve been feeling pretty exhausted this week. I know I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, as they say, for several weeks, maybe months and being on my period which I started a couple of days ago, isn’t helping either, that’s always a drain.

We’ve been crazy busy at work, even if I’m not on the desk, it’s been madness. Just madness. I’ve been trying to write this between everything else and it’s a disaster. Just train-wrecked thought after train-wrecked thought and I go home exhausted. I am loving my job. Doing programs with the teens has just been so great this summer and while I’m nervous about everything that we have coming up, I’m really excited about it too. The only problem is that I think it’s leaving me a little drained creatively.

Jeez, I haven’t able to write more than two sentences at a time and it’s nearly time to close! Ugh.

On the plus side, our teen volunteers are pretty darned awesome.