float_on_alright: (good luck fingers crossed)

I haven’t written much since I wrapped up my 2018 goals. I think the only thing I’ve written was when I posted about how I did on my goals last week. I meant to do goals for this week and I forgot. I didn’t get home until almost midnight last night and I was utterly exhausted (not to mention that I was exhausted). At some point, I thought to myself, “I don’t think I’m going to make a word count writing goal for myself this year.” And it was like a huge wave of relief hit me. I’m still going to write. I want to do my short stories/drabbles for each month of the year, and I’ll have plenty of homework assignments to do. I know I’ve got lots of discussions to do for both of my classes not to mention papers and assignments. I just feel bogged down by the tracking and word count goals at the moment. I’m thinking that taking a year off from that might reset me a little. 


float_on_alright: (don't be a dick)
 

Ridiculous or not, I’m already working on when I can go see “The Meg” again. I know it’s not actually a good movie. I do know that, intellectually. I know there were a lot of goofs. I really do, but God help me; I am in the throes of obsession, and there just isn’t anything I can do to pull myself out of that descent. Next week I think a lot of it will calm down because I’ll be gearing up for DragonCon and today when they released the schedule I spent a lot of time working on “my schedule” for the weekend. There is so much I’m going to want to do, and I’m absolutely jumping for joy over trying to map out the schedule in my mind. Granted, before I can get to that I have quite a few work days and quite a lot of work left to do.  

The primary things I need to get done this week for work are:

  1. Reading my graphic novel book club book.

  2. Writing the discussion questions and sending them out to the book club.

  3. Writing a rough draft of my teen blog for September.

My personal life goals for the week are:

  1. Write at least 750 words a day. If I can do that I’ll be in line to finish my writing goals before I head to Atlanta. Preferably, I’d like to be ahead of that goal.

  2. Write my August story--get the rough draft done.

  3. Pick a resume to submit to be edited/reviewed and upload it to my NC Central Application.

  4. Be close to done with my DragonCon Costume.

I’m excited because I ordered purple hair wax and I think I’m going to try it out this week to see how it does. I think that will be fun. I could really use a hair trim before I go too, but I don’t have time to see the guy I like, nor do I want to spend that kind of money right now. I could go to Great Clips or similar, but it’s always a little risky for me. Sometimes I get a great haircut from then, most of the time I get a decent one, but occasionally it’s awful. Once I got a haircut, and one side of my hair was left about an inch and a half longer than the other side, and when I told the lady that I was lopsided, she insisted I was wrong. I was not wrong. Someone else mostly fixed it later, but by then my hair was much shorter than I wanted. I may need to risk it though because my hair is getting desperate and I do not have a ton of spare time.

And money… well, I always spend more than I should but with the items I’ve been getting for my costume (inexpensive stuff, but still), the trip down to DragonCon, and then the upcoming England/Ireland trip. Well, it’s a lot of money to be spending. I’m not sure adding a $50 + haircut to the mix is a good idea. Plus, great clips would be fast. The one near my house closes at 9 pm which means I might even be able to get it done tonight or tomorrow after work which would be great. I also need my oil changed, and one of my tires has low pressure.

I think if I reach my writing goal by 10, I’m going to read the new Charity Parkerson book tonight. I say “book,” but it’s more of a novella as it’s only 94 pages. I’ve been curious about “Kentucky” who is the main character for the book for a while. He’s popped up in a couple of books so it should be fun to read about him. It should only take me a couple of hours to read, so long as it’s “good” (not to be confused with “good quality” mmkay? I like my trash) and I will get a nap between the gym time in the morning and going into work.

float_on_alright: (rey and bb-8)

 

Hanging out at the beach has been wonderful. Well, I’m not strictly at the beach. I’m at condo-hotel type place close to the marsh areas of Merrill’s Inlet and the beach/state park of Hunting Beach. The view from the unit is the parking lot and pool but it’s still nice to sit on the patio/porch. The weather hasn’t been particularly cooperative. Lots of rain and thunderstorms, but we’ve been able to grab some sun and sunshine here and there and we’ve certainly been having a great time in general. We’ve done a lot of reading and relaxing and we played a pretty extensive and hilarious game of Cards Against Humanity. It’s been nice being away too. I’ve gotten a good bit written towards my overall word goal so that’s exciting too. Tomorrow I head back home and I feel both ready for that and totally not ready. It’s strange, I guess. I’m enjoying myself and my friends but I also look forward to having a day at home on Sunday getting ready for the week ahead as best as I can. It’s going to be an intense week, I do believe what with the Summer Break logging coming to an end and the Carowinds Tickets thing that’s about to happen and the Harry Potter Fest stuff that is coming up on Tuesday. There’s probably other stuff too, but those are the immediate big things and the ones that are feeling daunting.

 

But I shouldn’t worry about that now because I’ve still got time to relax.

 

Plus, Wynonna Earp tonight!

float_on_alright: don't ruin my story with your logic (keep your logic out of my stories)


I finished the story I was working on, and I like it, but I felt like there is another story--maybe two--that need to be written. I think there are more things, events, adventures, angsty thoughts and feels in between where the last couple of stories I wrote left off and where the one I’ve just finished (still needs editing) picks up. Which means I don’t want to post the one I’ve written yet. I suppose I could and then post the pack parts later, but that doesn’t feel right to me, and I don’t think it will feel right to the people who read it (not that I expect many people to read it because it’s a pretty obscure ship).


*A couple days later*


So now I’m working on another story and working to tie the gaps. As I work on this new one--I’m approximately 1,200 words into it at last count--I’m finding more and more that I think there’s another story between what I’m writing and the next story. I can’t be sure, and I doubt I’ll be sure until I finish this one I’m working on, but the sense that I get from the story that’s in my mind is that the build-up will need this current story and another before the last one will work the way I want it too. I’ll probably have to re-write that last one also.


Part of me is frustrated that I’ll likely have to re-write that story after I worked so hard on it and I got it done so I could post it for July. But the rest of me is sure that I wasn’t going to find a way to write these middle stories without having a clearer path of where I wanted the story to go and writing that story allowed me to get a lot of what felt amorphous in my head into a recognizable shape. As such, I’ll be thankful that I pushed myself to keep writing and remind myself that the compost of one story can become the fertilizer of the next.


Shit, I’m too tired to wax this poetic.

float_on_alright: (safe in your arms)
 

I feel a hell of a lot better today than I did yesterday. I followed my own advice--shocking I know--at least partially. I slept until after twelve and it was positively glorious. I think I really needed that. I did do a little cleaning up and even though I still have more to do, I think it helped to work on it. I’m still kind of tired, but I’m definitely better rested than I was. I know that I’m about to have another crazy week, but I also think there is a lot of good stuff coming up. I do need to make sure I get Captain America: Winter Soldier read in time to write the questions for the book club group, the blog post for the teens done, stuff put together for the Kitchen Chemis-TEA program, and make sure that Hayley and I are good for Silent Library on Thursday. I’ll need to make sure I bring that up with her tomorrow. I’m nervous about all of that if I’m honest.

 

I’ve got a good idea what we’re going to do for the tea program, but I need to check to see if I’ll have the Aquos Board because if I do, I’d like to be able to show a video of some sort. Maybe one short one about the history of tea in general and one about the art project I’m planning with them. If I don’t have the Aquos Board, I’ll have to figure something else out.

 

But yeah, definitely feeling better today. Even wrote a short story for The Writer’s Cramp.

float_on_alright: (don't be a dick)

Holly’s heartbroken, but she’s still got a job to do. Based on the prompt, “smudge.”

Thanks, Reb, for helping me clean it up! 




Read more... )

float_on_alright: (we prefer intellectual badass)

The story for Biffy and Lyall is going well. I think it’s almost done. I’ve been saying that for two days and 1000 words ago now so maybe I’m not a good judge. I just need to get them to the room, so that Biffy can propose and Biffy has been like, “we need dinner first,” so I did that. Then Lyall was like, “uh, he’s kidnapped me; it’s awesome but I need to know that the pack isn’t going to fall apart in the absence of BOTH of us,” So we explained that. Now I just need to get them out of a hallway (unfortunately I have no idea what the inside of the hotel looks like except for a few pictures of the bedrooms on the internet so I don’t know what it looks like where they’re standing) and to their room. I think the sun will also be up soon so I need to address that--in the story I mean.

 

I also have to decide hooowww exactly Biffy is going to propose and I wanted to look up rings that he might use too.



float_on_alright: (define interesting)

I really need to be in bed now, but I hate how far behind I am in my writing goal and I just need a few more words before I can feel like I can go to bed tonight. I did actually get a little written today at word which was INCREDIBLE so now I’m at around 1,200 words for my dumbass story and I think I can manage another few hundred words. I’ll need to write a little more than 300--probably need to add another 400 or 500 in case I need to do some cutting in the editing process since it will need to be 1,500 words after I do any cutting/changing/etc.

 

I’m trying to decide if I’m going to do my normal work out or the water aerobics in the morning. I did the water aerobics class this morning but it’s sort of rare that I am able to do the water aerobics class without it being a pain in the ass for my schedule. At the same time, I like my other workouts too and I could listen to my book while I’m doing the strength training stuff which I always really like doing.

 

Argh, and I really need to have decided before I go to bed otherwise I won’t be able to choose in the morning and I’ll be all out of sorts. I guess maybe I’ll go with my normal, because the water class doesn’t let out until right before we need to leave in order for me to get back in time to shower and get ready for work. Man, I need my nap now!

float_on_alright: (well when you say it like that it sounds)

I worked a little on my story today which was good. I didn’t add a whole lot but I played with the beginning and smoothed out where I had written the story in two parts. I wrote the second half during a sprint writing session with Reb and without actually looking at the first part that I’d written before I started writing so I was worried that I might have messed things up. It was okay though! There were a couple of things that I had to switch around a little in order to make things work and make sense as well as take out a few repetitions, but otherwise it worked. In the end, I didn’t have much of a word difference for the total count, but things are moving more smoothly and I think that will make it easier to finish it. I think it’s almost done, though, I think it may be part of a “series” of short stories. I wrote one and posted it because it was short. It was complete enough to be a story and I think what I’ve written is just about complete enough for me to call it a story, but I think they’re going to be a few different stories that progress in an overarching theme. Kind of like the books in the Raven Cycle books, each book is complete enough as a book, but in order to see everything come to completion, you’ll need to read them all. Or like a TV season (or sometimes whole show) where each episode has its own story but when you put them together there’s a bigger picture story happening. Like The Mentalist, for example, would have a complete story (usually) each week, but it took them four seasons (or so) to catch Red John and bring closer to that plot.

 

Of course, I think there will only be a few of the stories and I don’t think any of them will be super long, but I’m looking forward to the rest of the adventure. By then end of it, I hope to have Natasha Romanov and Sharon Carter hooked up. I know I’m usually shipping Natasha with Darcy or Clint or Darcy and Clint, but I like the idea of her and Sharon since I’ve been thinking about the way Natasha was pressing Steve to date Sharon in Winter Soldier (cause she thought “his neighbor” was hot--not her words, but the impression I got) and the way they’re both on the run at the end of Civil War because (eventually) neither of them could go against Cap long term.

 

Anyway, I’m going to go to water aerobics stupid early in the morning so I need to go to bed. Wish me luck!

float_on_alright: kate bishop with her head on a desk in exasperation (asdf)

I still haven’t made it to water aerobics, but I did make it to my appointment with the nurse at the aquatic and fitness center. She says my goal to lose a pound a month is a good goal that will help me make steady changes that will last. She does think I’ll need to do an hour of cardio three to four times a week in order for me to lose any weight. I’m not sure that’s true, but I guess we’ll see. Going out to California for the birthday celebrations is probably going to put me a bit behind on that unfortunately, but we’ll see how it goes. With the touristy stuff we have going on, I may do enough walking to counteract at least some of the food and booze I’ll be shoveling in my face. Maybe I’ll do a little exercising while I’m there in general. We’ll see.

 

I miss having the writing challenge thing going. It was a good way to force myself to get a few words out and I think that helped me get into writing some stories too. It’s not like I don’t have 3,295,748 prompts I could work on, including everything from my Avengers BigDamnTable (I still have forty-five or so of those to go). I have several prompt books that I could definitely use to write a little something, something. I don’t know. I guess because those prompts were usually diary like entries it was easy to write about them and get started. I’m sure I could find something to replace it. I’ll just have to do a little research. Of course, it helped that other people were doing it with me. It’s always nice to have someone to be accountable to. And not just that there’s someone who is saying, “hey, have you done this?” but also knowing that someone else is going to get it done and if you don’t get it done then you’re the “weak link” or something. I don’t have much of a competitive streak--if anything I tend to shy away from competition, but I think the concept here is a similar one. Like, who can go the longest without breaking the pattern. Who knows, but it was helpful.

 

I haven’t written at least a little something every day for the last few weeks, even if it might have only been a couple of words here and there. I’m pretty excited about that.

 

Tomorrow I have work, but today was a good day off. I’m definitely tired after getting up early for a day off for me to go to the appointment. After that, I ran errands for a bit by myself then had some food. I had to get some stuff down with mom and then shortly after that (and I think another snack) I went for a walk/jog. I wanted to make sure I got my three training  days for the Couch to 5k done for the week. I may have saved that for the very last moment, but I made it. Granted, I’m sure I’ll be short next week, but it’ll be better for me in the long run the more often I can get in the practice of exercising a few days a week.

 

I also decided I try out some protein smoothie/shake things. Dad has a blender and so I got some stuff to give a few things a whirl. I’m excited to see how things go. They might be terrible, but I might also find some good ones. And they may be able to help me manage my appetite.

 

I wanted to work on a story or try to start something, but I barely hold my eyes open and I’m definitely going to need a shower in the morning--plus I want to try out the blender in the morning which means getting up even earlier so I’d better head to bed.

float_on_alright: when in doubt go to the library (when in doubt go to the library)
 

I’m feeling a little better. The headache is now low level and the tiredness is now more like a general sleepiness so I’m thankful for that.

 

I read something the other day about writing that’s been sort of niggling at my brain. Not in a bad way, just generally popping up as part of my awareness as I go about my day. I could be quoting it incorrectly and for the life of me I can’t remember where I read it. I’m sure that it’s something I can google it later which I probably will later, but right now I just want to talk about the quote. Because if I go googling it, I will get distracted and I will not write about it and instead go on a google wormhole, or whatever.

 

So anyway, the quote was something like “Come to the scene late and leave the scene early.”

 

I don’t know if I’ve heard it before and just never really gotten it lodged in my head or if I just hadn’t heard it before now, but I don’t remember hearing it before. Right now though, it’s become something that’s popped into my head while I listen to books or read or watch TV or movies. The “coming to the scene late” thing I haven’t noticed as much, mostly because I think that happens a little more naturally, at least to me. I often come into things “in the middle” of something when I’m writing. However, “leaving the scene early” is where my brain keeps catching. I’ve always had to feel like I have to properly wrap up a scene in order to leave it and I sincerely struggle to do that. And maybe I should just stop trying to do that and instead cut the scene off before I think I should. I think it might solve some of the issues I’ve been running into.

 

It’s funny because I’ve noticed the whole “leaving early” thing in some of my favorite books and in the movies I’ve been watching and I just find it really interesting. I’ve often noticed when a scene leaves me feeling like I didn’t get enough of it and I get thrown into the next one. It’s interesting because I notice that it does, in fact, leave me feeling a little bit frustrated, but also eager to listen on so I can get the information the last scene didn’t give me. It’s something I’m going to need to practice I think, but I’m really curious if it’s something I can figure out how to use. I wanted to finish that one story this week but I haven’t added to it in a couple of days so maybe I’ll try using that technique on there tonight or tomorrow. I work tomorrow but I’m hoping that I’ll have time to work on it when I’m at the desk.


float_on_alright: when in doubt go to the library (when in doubt go to the library)
I called out sick today because of a sinus headache and my desire for a mental health day. I know I get weekends and I get days off all over the place, and I've had lots of holidays the last couple of weeks, but I could feel myself itching. I don't know. I suppose if I were to go to bed like a normal person, I might feel less like I need those types of days, but I'm not sure. I think that feeling of itchiness wasn't going to go away until I took an extra day. I know I have a vacation coming up soon, but that's still different. It's still with purpose rather than just a day to recover. I know I can’t possibly have that much to recover from, but there you go. I love my job, but there is a lot of people-ing, and my personal life has had a lot of people-ing, and I have events every day the next few days. 
 
I’m hoping that mom will go to the beach this weekend, but there is talk of a special fellowship thing this weekend and next that mom will insist on going to and she’ll want me to go along with her for parts of it and I just honestly have zero interest in that right at the moment.
 
I also need to go to bed early tonight (hahahaha) because tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment about 36 miles away at 8am and traffic is going to be a bitch, and I still need a shower. Sigh. I should’ve canceled that damn appointment. Well, maybe not. It is my counseling session. But I’m also not sure what my new insurance is going to cover--if anything at all which makes me nervous. I seriously should’ve called today, but I honestly forgot all about the appointment until about 5:30 this evening so there wasn’t anything I could do about it at that point. I’ll have to take a nap in a car at some point tomorrow probably since I’ll need to work until 8pm. 
 
Because I took the sick day today, I told myself I would get some stuff accomplished today. I told myself I’d do a couple of chores and write 1,000 words, but that was BEFORE I realized I’d have to be up at O’ dark thirty tomorrow for the shower and the appointment. I did take the dog for a nice walk, clean my bathroom, finish one of my Netgalley books, write the review for the NetGalley book I finished, put gas in the car, and got started on mess leftover from the Christmas wrapping/pile of “deal with this shit after the holidays” stacks I have going on. And I do have 500 words, not including this post, written so I’ll be close by the end of this, so I’m pleased with that. 
 
Alright. I better head to bed so I can drag my ass out of bed and shower in the morning. 

Quick P.S. with this post, I have about 1,030 words. Woot!





float_on_alright: drink tea and read (drink tea and read)
 
I did the computer mouse the other day so I thought I'd do the prompt as it was originally described and not as I'd inadvertently read it. It didn't seem right to "check it off" without doing it properly. 

The perspective of a mouse in a cupboard:

The tall ones weren't supposed to be home this early, Fur the 750th of the clan of Browns, thought to himself. They were supposed to be gone for a few more movements of the sun; he was pretty sure. Instead, they hadn't been gone long enough for the sun to have shifted much at all. He could tell from the line of the sun and shadows created by the small crack where the door of the cupboard didn't quite seal all the way closed. He was fairly certain that they hadn't heard him yet though. They seemed to be yelling at each other, and one had slammed the door closed after they'd entered. No, if he remained very still he might just be okay until they had left or gone to bed again. It was hard to understand what they were upset about exactly. The tall ones argued about such strange things. 

"You told me that you'd had the car taken in!" the child bearing one of the two shouted. 

"I did!" the non-child bearing one answered. 

Fur knew they had their own for such distinctions, but he didn't have time to sort out all of their languages. 

"Well then, why the hell did they not miss that we were nearly out of radiator fluid!"

"I don't know, Greta. And I'm sorry. They told me they checked all the fluids. Look," the one showed 'Greta' something he'd pulled from his pocket. Fur didn't quite understand what the slim block could show this Greta, but Greta looked. "See? A charge from the mechanic from yesterday." 

Greta let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, William." All the anger seemed to rush from the tall one in a whoosh. 

"It's okay," William answered. "I know you're worried about your sister, but there's nothing you can do for her right now anyway. And we'll be there soon." 

"Yes, I know you're right." 

"Your sister is going to be okay, love. I promise." 

"You can't promise that." 

Fur understood worry for brothers and sisters. He had some forty siblings somewhere. And several had died already. Theirs was not an easy life. 

"Why don't we get changed out of these clothes and then we'll go from there." The one called William said instead. 

"Okay," Greta nodded her head. William put his mouth on Greta's in a gentle, almost hesitant way. Fur had seen them do this before but didn't understand. The gesture never seemed to follow the same pattern. Sometimes it was all encompassing what they did and led to what Fur thought was mating, but sometimes it led to nothing but a smile or a wave goodbye. Such strange creatures, the tall ones. Fur hoped this meant that he would be free to move soon. 

Greta and William stood together a few moments more and then moved out of the room and up the stairs. Fur breathed a deep sigh of relief and scurried back into the crevice in the wall he'd come through hoping the tall ones would be gone for a while. He senses if he came back after the sun disappeared and reappeared that he would be able to raid their cabinets to his heart's content. He would just have to have a little patience. 
float_on_alright: (write you must to finish your fic)
 

I wrote another bit of what I hope will be a book eventually today and it came so smoothly and easily. I only wrote about 500 words but I did it in less than 20 minutes so I was really pleased with that. I think I’ll be able to add more tomorrow.

 

It feels good to be writing again though I feel like I’m nearly constantly at the edge of a panic attack these days. Just living with the tightness in my chest that’s hard to breathe around. I’m not living with it constantly but I feel like it does happen every morning on my way to work. There’s this one stop light I come to when I get off the highway and I’m close to work and it’s like the point I wake up on my way to work because I’m basically just driving on autopilot and half a brain cell up to that point. I feel like that’s the point I see the signs of a panic attack. I take deep breaths and just try to recognize that I’m not dying without “fighting” it. A few minutes later I’ll be busy doing the math to figure out if I’ve made it “on time” since you have a small window to still be “on time” if you clock in (for example, 8:05 is 8am by the time/payclock) and my car clock is six minutes fast. Once I get to the “am I late, late or technically on time, late?” stage, I’m usually not feeling too bad.

 

Well, I’m a little behind on my writing goal for the month (goal of 30,000). I should be at 13,000 but I’m only at a little over 11,000 but that’s okay. I needed the break I gave myself. I’m addicted to reading right now which, look I know that I’m always a reader but I go through periods of intense reading and I’m in one of those places right now. In the last week I’ve read or listened to over 1200 pages. And that’s just counting the books and comics I’ve finished - not anything I’m part way through, fanfiction or short stories, or reading to edit.

 

I think it might be the time of year. I mean my schools are shutting down, it’s summer, and I was conditioned in school and in my current job that summer meant reading. This might be a pavlov's bell thing. Or it could just be my own natural reading rhythm which brings these kinds of things up every 3 - 6 months.

 

I’m not sure.

 

Anyway, my POINT is that... Nope, no idea what my point is. Possibly that I’m well ahead on my reading goal for the month and my editing goal for the month so I just need to buckle down and get to work on my writing and such. I’m scared of re-working my Mrs. Clause story but I’m also determined to do it.

 

But no more of that today. It’s my bedtime.

 

Peace.

 


float_on_alright: don't ruin my story with your logic (keep your logic out of my stories)
I was doing so well with my goals over all until this past week. Looking for motivation was like hitting a brick wall or something. I just kept bouncing off something in my mind when I went to be productive. I did eventually get a good bit done but it was tooth and nails fighting. Part of it, I’m sure, was that personal stuff going on (tire, etcetera), and part of it was likely all the rain. I don’t do well with days on end of clouds and rain. I could’ve been a little burned out - there’s been a lot of pressure at work and a lot of feeling like the effort I’m putting into my job right now isn't really going anywhere (not necessarily true, but definitely how I’m feeling) and I know that will put a damper on putting work into “extra stuff” - aka the stuff I’m not currently being paid to do. 

But I think I may have also set the wrong goals or at least set my goals in the wrong way. 

When I first started writing again this February my goals were something like:

Write 500 words
Spend 30 minutes doing productive things that are not reading or writing a day and some days that should be exercise. 

And that worked really, really well. I added and morphed as I went along but I’m still basically in that same kind of mode I think. 

The good thing about that structure was it let me work on whatever project was what I either most needed or most wanted to work on that day. I wasn’t, for lack of a better word, trying to micromanage myself. I didn’t realize you could do such a thing - micromanage yourself - but as it turns out, you can and I did my very best. Unfortunately, I don’t do well with micromanagement so does that mean I’m back to the drawing board on my new goals? 

Well, yes, I think so. Maybe reverting back to previous standards might be a good way to put it. But I do want to also keep in mind that there are two things happening right now… maybe three? Maybe a trillion? Anyway…

First, I am giving up the copywriting thing and seeing if I can get my money back. That was part of deal within a year if I decided it wasn’t for me that I could get my money back so I am working on that now. It sounded like a great idea but the more I get into it the more I feel like it’s pulling me away from my actual goal which is to write fiction and get paid for it. While advertisements and sales letters take smarts, creativity, and work, it’s not my ultimate goal and if I learned anything from spending time learning American Sign Language, it’s that if I dedicate my spare time away from my job on something other than my main goals, I tend to end up either frustrated, bored, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, generally unhappy, or some combination thereof. It would be a really cool thing to do and learn and make money off of but the more I split my time and attention the less I’ll move forward on any particular thing. Then I’ll feel scattered and useless. Then I’ll get depressed. And I’ll be exhausted from the scattered effort and then I’ll get anxious about not being good enough and then I’ll get tired and more depressed. So, sorry copywriting. Maybe we’ll reevaluate at a later date. 

Second, I applied for a mentor program. Rebby has always been such a wonderful person but I’ve asked her to be friend, beta, and mentor and she’s always tried to help but I know she has massive goals of her own right now and while I hope and will endeavor to make sure that we continue to be these things to each other, I hope that finding another mentor will help make our writing relationship better. Plus, I think another perspective is a great idea. There are only so many slots available for this free program so I’m not guaranteed to get it. 

Third, I’ve signed up for a course call Lit Mag Love about submitting to literary magazines. It includes finding good fit magazines, how to write cover letters, and information that editors are looking for all which I think will be tremendously helpful. It will also involve six weeks of accountability and peer feedback. As I’ve been such a coward about going for trying to get published etcetera I think it would be so good for me. There’s also part of the program for working on setting up a submission system and I’ve read so so so much about how success is based more on good systems than literally anything else so I can’t help but be drawn to this. Plus I think I kind of love systems - at least in personal cases. I didn’t realize that this was a thing with me until recently, but there you go. 

So new weekly goals will revolve around completing course assignments and meeting with peer groups, course leaders, and any mentors that I get. Then each day I’ll need to decide what the priorities are. I still need to make sure that I’m writing or doing work for writing every day and I still want to exercise every day. But I am going to let my energy levels and focus do a little more guiding again in what I accomplish each day. 

And also, if there is anything that I am saving for the last minute, I’m going to really dig into why I’m putting it off. Is it because I’m scared of failure and success like I am with establishing my website or is it because I really just don’t have real interest in the project and it’s taking away from the things I am genuinely giddy over like copywriting? Because those two things need to be handled very differently. 

Thanks for being on this journey with me. 


float_on_alright: (I don't have a plot. I have caffeine)
I’ve decided, after much contemplation, to quit the Story a Day Challenge. I love the idea of it and I thought it would be really good to push myself to come up with quick plots and characters etcetera. The problem that I’m running into is that all the stories are basically just “shit that happens” with the occasional amusing (to me anyway) conversation between the characters. I’ve written eleven stories, one for every day up until now, and it’s not that any of them are bad - some of them are good and most of the are okay - it’s that I’m not really connecting to the stories. I'm writing random shit happening and there isn’t anything really engaging about it.

I’ve started a book called “Story Genius” and it’s talking about developing stories from “whys” and the character - who they are and who they’re going to become and why it is that what is happening to them matters. The author talks a lot about how a good story isn't about “what happens” in the sense of this battle or that hook up, but in the connection we feel to the story and the characters. She’s really got me thinking about a lot of my stories in the past and why some of them worked better than others. Because it isn’t usually the word choice or the sentence structure or the ability to write beautiful metaphors that make a book successful or that can certain contribute. It has to be more about how the author connects the reader to the story through the characters otherwise books like Twilight and Fifty Shades wouldn’t be half as popular as they are because in both cases, grammatically and stylistically, not very good.

I don’t know if you’ve ever read a James Patterson book. I like that man a lot because I think he does amazing things to promote literature, but I am not a big fan of his writing. I’m not a big fan of mystery books in general (my genre taste tends to lean more towards paranormal), and his sentences always feel really choppy to me which I don’t like. And yet, he’s one of the best selling authors of the last 100 years. So why is he still so popular? Because there’s something else appealing happening. 

People always ask, “what’s your book/story about?” And we tend to answer in terms of the series of events that take place in the book. “A girl falls in love with a man with a dangerous secret and discovers a world she didn’t know existed.” But what’s the real point of the story, the moral if you will? What journey does the main character go through and why does it matter? And no story will matter to everyone but I think things like “even those we consider monsters can be worthy of love” are a little closer to what Twilight is about or maybe it’s “just because you don’t believe you’re anything special doesn’t mean that you aren’t” or maybe “Love and family always worth the risk.” 

Before the US election I read articles saying how much less likely Harry Potter fans were to vote for Trump. Is it because the kind of people who vote for Trump are not the kind of people who read Harry Potter? It could be. 

But I don’t think that’s the case. I think we read and we watch movies and TV shows and we tell each other stories because we’re learning something or we’re looking at something in a different way than our own and these stories become part of us if we’re really engaged with the character. I don’t necessarily mean that we have to like the character or want to be their BFF (for example, as fascinating as I find Scarlett O’Hara to be, I do not want her as part of my squad). 

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I really enjoyed this story! I’m giving this four and a half stars. I would’ve given it five starts but the main character was a bit of a cardboard cutout and I didn’t connect with them at all.” 

On the other hand, I bet you’ve read a review that went something like, “I loved the description of the book and the content but I just couldn’t get into this book for some reason.” 

I would bet you a dollar that you have put down or been severely tempted to put down a book because “you didn’t really care about the main character.” And while sometimes that might be because you disliked the character, I believe it was more likely because they didn’t seem like a person (or alien or dog or whatever) so much as they seemed like a delivery box. As in, here’s all this stuff happening and I’m delivering it to you via this person shaped box - you can fill it with whatever characters you choose. 

Have you ever read a story or watched a movie and just been like “wow, that was a lot of stuff going on there but I have no idea what it was about?” It’s probably because stuff happened but it didn't really mean anything to the main character personally - they weren’t tested, they didn’t grow (or the reverse as in “Breaking Bad”), and they weren’t shaped by the events in anyway. When we read stories, we’re looking for the effect that it had on the person, the lesson they learned because we want to learn from their experience. We want to have that experience and learn the lesson ourselves. 

When we look at characters we’re looking for mentors - people who tell us their story and what they’ve learned. They are giving us the wisdom of their experience. The same way that I have learned a lesson from not being careful messing with a hot oven, I’ve learned things from Harry Potter too. Things like, “You must stand up to bullies. And if you stand up others will stand. And if you all keep standing, the bullies will fail.” And, “There are different kinds of wealth.” And, “Everyone has value.” And, “True friendships save your life” - something I’ve seen time and time again in my own life. 

I don’t think that it’s people who like middle grade fantasy books who are not fans of Trump. I believe that those of us who loved Harry Potter came away learning the lessons Harry learned. Be brave, do your best, and aim to save the world. 

If you’re still not convinced that the focus needs to shift from building a story based on what happens verses who this person is who life is about to be upended, thing about video games that have been turned into movies. 

Video games classically make terrible movies and books (not that a few haven’t succeeded). Look at all the action! The adventure! The fun! How could that not be an awesome movie? 

When you’re playing the video game, you’re the character. Oh sure there may be a little development or background but you don’t need a whole lot of that because you are the main character and you bring with you all the backstory you’ll ever really need and you have shit to do, man. You are on the adventure. You have goals to reach. You are engaged with looking for the clues and solving the puzzle. 

Many writers have made the mistake of thinking that if the plot and the special effects are cool enough that they won't need to add much more to the characters than is already in the video game. When the movie gets to the screen though, suddenly the viewer is seeing someone else look for the clues and solve the puzzles and go into battles. 

Let’s be real. Unless you care about that person, you don’t care if they solve it. 

An example for me would be American Horror Story. I tried to watch the first season. I watched a few episodes but I didn’t connect with the characters. I didn’t like them or care enough about them to see if they lived and I didn’t hate them enough to hope that I would get to watch them die horrible deaths or somehow become better people. I had no interest in the plot whatsoever because I couldn’t make myself care about any of them. 

Many writers have made the mistake of thinking that if the plot and the special effects are cool enough that they won't need to add much more to the characters than is already in the video game. 

Lots of people talk about writing and just seeing where they end up but I think that idea is a lot like a road trip. You can go on a road trip and roll the dice to see which way you turn at different intersections and then see where you end up. I imagine that if you do that you’ll have fun for a little bit but it won’t be long before you get tired of it and you just want to be somewhere already or go home. 

If instead you go on a roadtrip with a predetermined destination and map out ways to get there and possible sights to see along the way, you’re going to have a hell of a good time no matter if you have a flat tire here or there or run out of gas on a highway. 

So for me, writing a random, “what if” story every day isn’t helping learn to build real, tangible characters and stories that really matter. 

Not to mention that it’s also been super unsatisfying to jump from place to place each day and never really dig into these random people with random names that I’ve dropped into random situations. 

The point of all of the above is this: the StoryADay challenge seemed like a good idea and I set off to do it with the best of intentions however, it is not serving me or the long term goals I’ve set for myself and as such I am releasing myself of this goal and giving myself the permission to move onto other challenges and experiences that will better suit the needs I have and the accomplishments I want to reach. I’m on a journey, and I thought this would be a good road but I can see now that it has taken me off course. 

float_on_alright: (no idea what i'm doing out of bed)

I counted and I have written at least 500 words for the last 37 nights in a row! Goal to write 500 words a day for 30 days? Met and succeeded. Booyah Bitches! That feels pretty damn good. I don’t know if I set having an actually daily goal for the month of March passed the 30 days and getting to a total of 15,500 words so I may set my goal a little lower for the next week or so while I work on the decluttering project especially for today, tomorrow, and Monday when I’m hoping to get the majority of my decluttering done. I’m exhausted today after spending about 7 hours on the project - maybe more. I told my friend that the more I get done the bigger the project feels. I swear, my closet is bigger on the inside. It’s unbelievable how much stuff I’ve collected over the years. I took out about 6 boxes, three trash bags, and some odds and ends like an old light up globe that still has “Czechoslovakia” on it and is melted in one place. I also got rid of an ass ton of posters I don’t enjoy any more and bag of recycling. There is still a long way to go but my closet is MUCH improved. I want to do a little dusting where I can of the baseboards while the floor is clear or as clear as it ever gets with my dresser and the bookcase I turned into a shoe rack in there too. Oh and a bit of vacuuming maybe too. 

I am seriously wiped out - I busted my butt today. There was a lot of up and down the stairs and on top of the fact that I’ve been going through every article of clothing I own and separating them into keep, donate, and discard piles, I also did laundry and some cooking. I wish I’d had the energy to walk the dog as well, but I just couldn’t manage it. She didn't seem too upset with me so she must have had fun with the neighbors. Most of the day it was nice, minus the thunderstorm in the afternoon, and I imagine that she was having a great time running about and barking.

Five hundred words a day is a lot and I’m really, really proud of that. I’m not certain that I’m ready to give it up as a goal, but again, I do have some other big projects I want to get done so maybe I do need to give myself a break for a couple of days. I don’t want to get out of the habit of writing though either so it’s a fine line to walk. 

I think what I’ll do is tell myself I need 250 words a day for the next few days while I’m doing major work on the decluttering - maybe for the week. Writing is definitely not something I want to give up again but I think getting this cleansing project done is really important in the long run and worth a few days of a relaxed goal. As much as I was confident yesterday that I could get close to completing by the time I go back to work on Tuesday, having been in the trenches today, I’m not sure that is as true as I would’ve liked. I guess we’ll see. 

Well, I better get some sleep. I’ve got another big day tomorrow!
 
float_on_alright: (I understand which if i think about it d)
 
Believe it or not, but I think I finished my soulmate first draft. I can hardly believe it. There is a lot of editing to do of course, but I’m going to let it set for a day or two before I start really digging in. There will likely be a lot of deleting and rewriting obviously but I’m going to give it a few days to rest before I start working on it again. Once I got through it a bit, I’ll be sending it to poor Rebby who is going to have read what is currently over 12,000 words on a pairing that isn’t even one she’s ever seen on screen. Bless her. She’s a good friend. 

In other news, I had started a book about decluttering a while back - “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” or something like that. I’m sure you’ve probably heard of it. As my other book (“White Trash Zombie Gone Wild”) was stressing me, I thought I’d take a break from it and listen to a little more of the decluttering guide while I walked the dog - I immensely enjoy listening to books while I walk the dog. The next bit that I listened to in the 
“Tidying Up” book was instructions on a journaling-like activity that, according to the author, is an absolutely critical part of the process if you want the decluttering to stick. I listened on but right behind that instruction was another activity to do and that made me feel like I really needed to rewind a bit and listen when I could sit down and work on the activities. 

I guess I could listen to the whole book through and then go on about my way, but I feel like there isn’t much point in listening to and reading self-improvement books if you’re not going to do any of the processes they suggest. And maybe nothing will really come out of the activities but I think I will get good things out of it. One of the things she says you need to do before you start a project like this is decide what it is exactly that you want to get out of the process. Really, really visualize it and have it clear in your mind. Then ask yourself why you want what you’ve envisioned. Once you’ve answered write more about why those are things that you came up with until you’ve written down at least a “why” to the “why” to the “why”. As someone who has been floating through with only a vague notion of what I might want for myself, I think this is a really good idea. 

There is a marked difference in my vision for my life - as in I do actually have the start of one - since I read “You Are A Badass” as it’s one of the things stressed in that book as well. Knowing how pointless life starts to feel when you don’t have something specific you’re working towards, a firm goal in mind, I have to say these kinds of processes do seem critical. If you aren’t aiming for anything, you’ll end up doing nothing and, at least for me, that tends to be an empty existence. 

Many of the articles on motivation, creativity, and productivity expound on the benefits of thoroughly digesting and then writing about the books you read. I’ve always been a prolific reader, but I can’t say that beyond a few reviews here and there that I’ve been digging into the information my reading provides. Granted most of the reading I’ve done has been for fun and I certainly intend to continue to read fluff and fun but I’ve been spending more time reading non-fiction lately and the whole point has been to work towards making a better life for myself. I can’t expect to do that by flying through a ton of books. It won’t matter how many books and articles I read if I don’t take the time to not only ingest them but also really digest them. 

I need to make my way towards bed - have make up to take off and leftovers to put in the fridge for now, but I am going to have to do a better job of working on these activities if I want my new found motivation and lack of depression to continue. And sleep is vital too! 


float_on_alright: procrastination is hard work (procrastination is hard work)

I haven't been consistent with the morning posts but I'm glad I'm getting good with the evening ones. I'm wondering what kind of schedule I would have to set up for myself in order to get better at it. Alternatively, it might good for me to avoid getting online in the mornings all together until I'm starting work because once I start playing on a computer or on my phone I tend to get sucked into a game or lost in a stream social network posts and those are the kinds of things I'm trying to get involved in less. It's going to be an interesting line to walk I think. I may need to consider doing paper journaling in the morning instead of online journaling so that I do stay away from the internet for a little while longer. 

I have several mindfulness exercises that I want to do but I'm not sure when I'll do them. I know that it isn't that I don't have time, it's that I have made the time. I have lots of time, but using it wisely is something that I have done well with in the past and something I want to excel at in future. Any habit that leans towards inaction is likely easier to keep than building habits of action and a proactive lifestyle. I've spent a lot of my life being reactive and have done okay but I think if I could become a more proactive person, I could accomplish the things from my daydreams. Anyway, off to the library to pick up a book. 
float_on_alright: leverage mischief managed (leverage mischief managed)
 
Today was awesome! Jaymie and I had a nice morning and then I my sister and her fam at the theater to see “Get Out” which was incredible. Then I got to spend the rest of the day being mostly lazy. I spent about 2 hours playing sudoku and listening to “How the White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back”. I then took the dog for a nice long walk while still listening to my book. It was a really nice walk and the weather was wonderful. I wish I’d had a little more time to play in the snow but it was lovely. North Carolina being what it is, the five inches or whatever that we got had all melted by the time I got out of the movie theater around 2pm. 
 
I got about 500 words added to the soulmate story which was awesome. Another couple of days like that and I’ll have it done. I know I’ve been saying I’m close for … weeks, but really really it’s so close. 
 
My goals for this week include finishing the soulmate story, decluttering my closet, and facing some stuff at work I avoided Friday. I’m not sure if they’ll be anything else. Maybe reading another book or two… Okay that’s pretty much a given. ;) 
 
I’m wishing you all a great week! 
 

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Kate

June 2021

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