float_on_alright: claudia wide eyed (claudia the eyes)

I have made a terrible mistake. Well, okay. Maybe I should go with “I have made a very annoying mistake”. I don’t know how I did it but I somehow I managed to over-report how many words I’ve written on the progress form for Writing.com - poopy. I suppose it’s possible that I inadvertently reported the numbers as minutes instead of words? Who knows. So now the question is, do I explain that I’ve messed it up or do I just try to keep up with it? Of course, to keep up with it, I’d have to write 5,589 words by the time I go to bed on Friday which could be a bit of a challenge. That's over 1,000 words a day, and while I have made it to over 1000 words a day on several occasions, I haven’t managed it to do it with any kind of consistency or any more than two days in a row so I don’t know if I can make it. The good news is I have met my goal for the month, and I’m not getting “extra credit” for the overage - so to speak - since you only get credit for whether or not you make your goal. Part of me, though, really wants to try to make it.

It’s just after 10:30 as I write this so and I should go to bed at a decent hour tonight since I have to shower in the morning and not be late since we have corporate people in the office this week. I have my clothes and shoes laid out for tomorrow because I figure it would probably save me time in the morning. It’s not that it should take me long to pull clothes onto my body, but I often don’t have enough brain cells functioning in the morning to make smart choices that early. Sometimes it takes me seven minutes just to work out a shirt and pants combo that doesn’t leave me 1) wearing a black shirt with black pants, 2) wearing a gray shirt with gray pants, 3) wearing a dark blue shirt that - you guessed it - matches several of my blue jeans, or 4) wearing a combination of blue and black or black and brown that should just not happen. It’s better to take that decision off “morning me’s” hands. I should make a habit of this, and maybe that will be a new goal I add to my list of “Kate is going to be an adult …  like really … or at least mostly and I mean it this time” things. 

It can’t hurt me to try. The worst that’s going to happen is that I don’t make it and honestly that’s not a big deal. Or at least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself. 

Do any of you get the daily quote emails from GoodReads? If so, you probably saw this quote a week ago, but it’s been on my mind since they sent it. 
“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.” ~ Louis L’amour 

This guy wrote over 100 works; I think we have about 35 titles by him at my library branch alone. A lot of his works were short, and I know writers like Nora Roberts (her ‘in death’ series has like 48 titles in it) probably have him beat by now. Regardless, I think the point stands. I’ve been reading a lot about writing, and everything says write every day even if it’s crap (which is comforting). I read that Stephen King writes at least 2000 words a day.  (I would be curious to know who has written more pages: Stephen King or Nora Roberts but that’s another post.) Part of me wants to be like “Oh sure if I didn’t have a full-time job, an hour commute each way, insert other excuses here, I could write 2000 words a day.” 

How can I say that? I have very few responsibilities outside of my job - no spouse, no kids, shit I barely have to take care of my dog. How can I pretend that I don’t have plenty of time? I still have to work at going to bed at a decent hour, so it’s not like I’m committing to getting loads of sleep either. I’ve been spending my time doing what exactly? Well, obviously the last month or so has been different. I have been better at getting decent amounts of sleep, spending time each day writing, and dedicating myself to improving my environment and mind overall. It’s unfathomable how much time I was wasting to Paradise Bay, and there are still a lot of moments when I itch to play those games again. I still have Solitaire and Sudoku on my phone, but only play if I’m also listening to a book or if I’m watching TV with mom since it’s difficult to get anything written or edited while we’re together. That’s okay - I’m not going to criticize myself for spending a couple of hours with my mom though I do try to use at least part of it for something productive.

One of the things that continue to be a bit of a time suck is social media, mostly Facebook which I find odd because it’s one of my least favorite platforms at this point (of the ones that I use), but this too is on my list of “cutting back” items. The idea is just to check and see what things need responses from me and then to maybe post something funny, but I do tend to get sucked into just scrolling endlessly until I realize I have spent thirty minutes doing absolutely nothing. I think I may have to start limiting myself to 15 minutes a day. I may allow myself two sets of 15 minutes for a while because s would be good practice cutting myself off and not getting stuck in the loop. I’ll probably have to use stopwatches to start. 

Speaking of self-improvement, my quest to clean and declutter has migrated to my bathroom. I did a good bit of gutting today. The stacks of stuff are getting RIDICULOUSLY OUT OF HAND, and I filled THREE BAGS OF TRASH TODAY. Okay, it was more like two because some of the stuff was heavy and I didn’t feel the bags would survive the trip to the can outside if I filled them any further, but I think the point stands. I started going through my make up. I made an “airport travel” bag of liquids and a bag of things to replace the things in that bag as they run out. That felt good. I then separated some of my other stuff by lip, eye, foundation, etc. and I did some weeding. I’m going to have to try on nearly every lipstick again to see if I like it then wipe it off with makeup remover so I can try the next one. Needless to say, I decided to put that project off for another day. 

Tomorrow I need to go to the gym and sign my cancellation paperwork. I’m annoyed because I thought my contract was 24 months, but it must have been only 18 months, and I could have gotten out of it a few months ago. At least I didn’t decide to put it off until April or May as I had considered. I haven’t been in at least year. I don’t think I’ve been since before I had my surgery, but I could have gone once or twice after that. It’s a nice gym, but I’m not interested in running/jogging right now. Weight loss wise it didn’t do a lot for me and entertainment wise, I have more fun with the Zumba on my Wii, not to mention that it can be pretty rough on your body in general. I can’t swear to the accuracy, but it is my understanding that no matter how fast you do it, you’re going to burn the same amount of calories for a mile. Granted you can get more miles done in a period if you can do them faster, but I can listen to audiobooks when I walk, and my dog benefits too. Plus, I like walking for the sake of walking sometimes.

I need to get to bed, so I’m going to wind down for the night, but I am hoping I’ll remember to write about my AirPods tomorrow. I just got them today and have been trying them out for the first time.

float_on_alright: henry ooo shiny! (ooo shiny!)

My room is amazing! I’m so pleased with how everything came together. The only thing is going to be changing my bedding - that is gonna be a bit tricky unfortunately but I think it’s totally worth it. I have such a nice space and everything just feels so nice. I can’t begin to explain how happy I am with the results. I have a little writing/computer work nook which is lovely. My loveseat and my bed are situated across from my TV so I can enjoy watching and so can a friend. Plus I was able to bring my speaker/ottoman out of the corner and place it in front of the loveseat so if I (or a friend) sit on the loveseat I can put my feet up and relax watching TV or I can put on music or an audiobook to enjoy. I used it to play my audiobook while I was working and it was wonderful! I have some things to put on the wall and there is work I’ll have to do on my bathroom but I am so pleased with my room I can barely stand it. I have busted my ass for this and it’s totally worth it. I can barely keep my eyes open any more thought guys so I’m gonna have to pass out. 

Peace and love. 

float_on_alright: hardison what did i say (hardison what did i say)
It’s been a good day folks. I am tired though! I should probably get to bed earlier at night but I’m just so excited about moving my furniture and my room. And it’s basically all I can think about. I’ve been trying to write and edit but it’s just about impossible to do anything but rearrange furniture in my head and estimate furniture dimensions. I’ve also got some new wall art which I am so, so excited to get and put up. If everything works out as I hoped, which if I measured and did math correctly (questionable) I’m going to have it set up so that the love seat and the bed both are comfortable viewing for the TV which will be fun. The bed already is, but the love seat is just so so and I’m just not in love with it where it is any more. I think moving it would be better. I think it will also be set up fairly well for exercising 

More importantly, however, I think I’m going to be able to set up a nook for me and my computer so that when I’m writing/typing on my computer I’ll be tucked away with my seat situated so I can enjoy my room. I’m very excited. I just think this is going to be so, so nice. It already feels so much better in my room and I still have piles of random stuff and a few empty boxes that I’m working on filling and the TV is on the floor. Seriously, even with all that mess going on, it still feels better in my room. 

I have taken off Friday. I know I just took of Monday, but I want to get the furniture situation sorted so I can start putting things in place. I’m going to have to take a ton of stuff out of the room to be able to move the furniture around so while there is a shit on less in there, it’s still going to take me time to figure all that out. Thankfully my mom is retired and she’s going to help me with the furniture. It would’ve been nice if Dad was going to be home to help too but he’s down with the flu so he’s staying at his little condo in Myrtle Beach so that he - hopefully - doesn't spread it to anyone else. The doctor he say yesterday said he was going to be super contagious through Saturday so that didn’t sound fun to any of us. According to him, dad has like the mega flu (he’s a whiny baby when he’s sick). Anyway, I’m exhausted and I need to go to sleep.

I’m just so excited. 

float_on_alright: well when you say it like that it sounds stupid (well when you say it like that it sounds)
 Things I said I would do this month:

1) Look into agents interested in the picture book I have in mind. 
2) Start consolidating debt and work out significant plans for making payments. 
3) Ban the use of credit cards to a) paying the phone bill I split with other people until such time as they pay me and the car insurance and b) actual emergencies. 
4) Finish decluttering my spaces in the house. 

Progress so far:

1) I started working my way through the Writer's Market Guide that the library had but it was pretty cumbersome and it was the general one which meant that there were limited options for agents that worked with picture books. I found a name and started doing research to help me write a query letter and discovered that the agent had moved to a different agency. Now, that isn't necessarily a big deal, but I wasn't familiar enough with the books they were representing to feel confident writing a letter about why I had chosen that particular group for my submission. After further thought, I think I'm going to get a subscription to the Writer's Market website. It's more up-to-date and appears to have better search functions. You can get a free week-long trial for it so I could try it out to make sure that it functions as I think it does. But I'm not quite ready to turn my focus 100% to that project - which I'll get to in a few minutes. 

2) I consolidated most of my credit cards to a lower interest, lower APR loan. One of my credit cards has a better rate than the unsecured loan so I left it as is. I'll be making low monthly payments (in comparison to what the minimum payments on four credit lines were totaled up per month). The whole thing is terrifying, but I think it was the right move. 

3) This has been a huge change of pace for me but I think it's been helpful in watching my money. I realize it's only been about a week and a half but there were a lot of purchases I didn't make because I knew it would come out of my checking account instead of just showing up on a credit card statement. I know it's completely irrational, but it feels like I'm not really spending money when I use credit cards, when in fact, the exact opposite it true. Knowing I am spending my immediate funds rather than funds "I'll eventually have one day" (or something), is a powerful motivator and I should've changed to this method a decade ago.

4) I didn't feel good about taking a day off last week due to territory concerns so instead, I took off yesterday which worked out perfectly. I was also able to leave a little early on Friday which was immensely helpful as well. I'm still not done. Three days of fairly solid effort and I'm still not done. As I talk about this, I expected that I would feel disappointed that I wasn't able to complete the whole project this weekend, but honestly, I feel really proud if a little ... tired. I thought I might be frustrated but I'm not really that either, just ready to have the final product. In "The Four Agreements" one of the agreements is to always do your best - with the caveat that your "best" will vary due to things like health and circumstances. I can say sincerely that I did the absolute best I could to accomplish as much as I could while still being thorough. I did take a few breaks when I needed to rest or eat but I didn't binge a TV show when I should've been working. I didn't draw my lunch out an extra hour before dragging myself upstairs. I worked steadily and thoroughly for about 12 hours every day. And I got really did an enormous amount of work.

I can feel that I'm getting close to being done, though when I started to ask myself if I could stop decluttering at this point and just move onto organizing and rearranging, the answer was a swift, emphatic, non-negotiable, "no". I really want to have this 100% done before I dive into any more big projects. When I have my space clear and comfortable it won't "fix everything!" but I think it will help me focus and I don't want to spread myself too thin over too many projects. If everything is a priority, nothing is.

So close!

Mar. 20th, 2017 10:36 pm
float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)
Holy Shit I’m exhausted. I have been busting my ass on my room for the majority of the last three days with only a few breaks here and there. I’m freaking sleepy that’s for damn sure. 

I’m close to my goal. I can feel it in my bones that I’m almost to that place I want my spaces to be. I’ve stacked up a ton of boxes in the garage to give a way and I have a couple of things in my car I’m going to see if I can sell or at least get some credit at a local media spot. We’ll see what happens on that, but it can’t do more than take a little of my time and gas to try. Either way the stuff should be out of my hair soon. I’m hoping to get some decent cash out of the Xbox. Not that I expect to get more than a small fraction of what I paid for it, but still it’d be nice to get enough to buy myself a nice Blu Ray player. 

I listened to a book while I was working so I did finish a book today, “Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’m a Supervillain”, and it was cute so I’m thinking I may eventually pick up the next one. It’s definitely going on my audible wish list if I can’t find it on like Hoopla or on my library OverDrive account. … Actually, I’m gonna look at that now. 

Woohoo! They’re on Hoopla! I can’t say for sure it’s the entire series but it looks like all of the ones released so far. 

I’m really, really trying to do better with money. It’s not easy to break habits 12 - 13 years in the making but I’m determined to make big changes in my life and I won’t get there without some discomfort. 

I need a nap and a half for real. Or maybe just to go to bed. Yeah, that’d be a good idea. 

float_on_alright: leverage mischief managed (leverage mischief managed)

I have about 15 boxes full of stuff in the garage right now. I also took my old, dilapidated laptops to Best Buy to recycle (thank you Best Buy). I’m thinking that I’m going to take my XBox One and the Kinect piece (and the controller obviously) to a local nerd shop. I’m hoping they'll buy it off me. The only thing I use if for is playing BluRays (rare) and that thing is way too expensive to function as a BluRay/DVD player. Not to mention how big it is and how many cords there are and how it is completely ridiculous that the Kinect piece is taking up space too when I don’t use it either. 

I did some vacuuming today and I am not kidding when I say that I was vacuuming my walls. I took the small places/extension thing and used it along the parts of the wall I could reach without taking down furniture or moving pictures as well as the doors, door frames and parts of the ceiling and my curtains. I also did this as much as possible in my closet as well. There was sooooooooooo much duuuusssstttt, dust everywhere so it felt really good to vacuum a lot of it up (y’all if you haven’t tried the vacuuming approach to dusting, I highly recommend it just be careful not to knock over anything valuable and definitely use the attachment with brushes on the end). Anyway, bye bye cobwebs! Not that I could see them, see them before, but I could see how much better my walls and ceiling looked after I did it. It felt really good but I also wasn’t sure if this is the most in control of my life I’ve been or the least, lol. 

When I was reading “The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up” one of the things that stuck out to me was that she said that there is a number or an amount of possessions that will feel right and it’ll just click for you. There is no generic perfect number as it will differ for everyone, but that you will feel it when you get there. It really resonated with me and the more stuff I put in boxes, the more I can feel the approaching “amount”. I know I still have a while to go but I can also tell that I’m close to getting there and I don’t think I’ve ever been there. Or at least not that I can ever remember. I’m really excited about getting there because I think it’s going to feel tremendously good and I think it will help me cement in my mind the financial choices I want to make going forward. 

She describes folding in her book but I was listening to it and I couldn't really understand what she meant so I’ve put it a physical copy on hold at the library in hopes that I’ll be able to understand better. She says if you can fold properly it will solve all your storage needs and that once you get the hang of it that you will love to fold. I don’t know if I’m going to fall in love with folding, but I am hoping that it will feel good and be a good way to store some of my clothes. I have more t-shirts hanging than I’d like and I'm also hoping a few of the other things I currently have hanging could go in my drawers instead of hanging up - not that I don’t now have a ton more hanging room than I did before. It's seriously amazing the difference. 

I’ve still got to figure out the comic collection thing. I’m thinking what I’ll do is go through all of them and just pick out the ones I really love and the rest I’ll take to a local comic shop. Anything they don’t take I’m not sure what I’ll do with but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. 

Alright, I have to go clear off my bed enough to be able to get into it. Wish me luck!

float_on_alright: I have no idea what i'm doing out of bed (no idea what i'm doing out of bed)

I counted and I have written at least 500 words for the last 37 nights in a row! Goal to write 500 words a day for 30 days? Met and succeeded. Booyah Bitches! That feels pretty damn good. I don’t know if I set having an actually daily goal for the month of March passed the 30 days and getting to a total of 15,500 words so I may set my goal a little lower for the next week or so while I work on the decluttering project especially for today, tomorrow, and Monday when I’m hoping to get the majority of my decluttering done. I’m exhausted today after spending about 7 hours on the project - maybe more. I told my friend that the more I get done the bigger the project feels. I swear, my closet is bigger on the inside. It’s unbelievable how much stuff I’ve collected over the years. I took out about 6 boxes, three trash bags, and some odds and ends like an old light up globe that still has “Czechoslovakia” on it and is melted in one place. I also got rid of an ass ton of posters I don’t enjoy any more and bag of recycling. There is still a long way to go but my closet is MUCH improved. I want to do a little dusting where I can of the baseboards while the floor is clear or as clear as it ever gets with my dresser and the bookcase I turned into a shoe rack in there too. Oh and a bit of vacuuming maybe too. 

I am seriously wiped out - I busted my butt today. There was a lot of up and down the stairs and on top of the fact that I’ve been going through every article of clothing I own and separating them into keep, donate, and discard piles, I also did laundry and some cooking. I wish I’d had the energy to walk the dog as well, but I just couldn’t manage it. She didn't seem too upset with me so she must have had fun with the neighbors. Most of the day it was nice, minus the thunderstorm in the afternoon, and I imagine that she was having a great time running about and barking.

Five hundred words a day is a lot and I’m really, really proud of that. I’m not certain that I’m ready to give it up as a goal, but again, I do have some other big projects I want to get done so maybe I do need to give myself a break for a couple of days. I don’t want to get out of the habit of writing though either so it’s a fine line to walk. 

I think what I’ll do is tell myself I need 250 words a day for the next few days while I’m doing major work on the decluttering - maybe for the week. Writing is definitely not something I want to give up again but I think getting this cleansing project done is really important in the long run and worth a few days of a relaxed goal. As much as I was confident yesterday that I could get close to completing by the time I go back to work on Tuesday, having been in the trenches today, I’m not sure that is as true as I would’ve liked. I guess we’ll see. 

Well, I better get some sleep. I’ve got another big day tomorrow!
float_on_alright: we prefer intellectual badass (we prefer intellectual badass)

I am beat tonight. It’s been a good, productive week - hopefully tomorrow will be an extension of that too - and I have to say I’m pleased overall with my progress. 
The decluttering project is kind of overwhelming and the more I get into it the bigger it gets but I am also really tired of being such a cluttered person. 
I spoke about my adventures in decluttering with a couple of the ladies from work about it earlier this morning and one of my coworkers immediately talked about how “I know who you’re talking about” and ‘that lady is CRAZY” and that her system is totally impractical. I get to an extent where said coworker is coming from - if you aren’t reading the book or taking her seminar. 
So my coworker says something like “She wants you to drag out all your stuff and lay it on the floor and then touch all of it to decide if you want it!” 
When you put it like that, as if you are going to bring down every single one of your possessions from every corner of your house and lay them all out on the living room floor and just start grabbing stuff then yes, I absolutely agree that the method sounds like a terrible plan. 
But that’s not how it goes and that’s not what she is recommending. Yes she wants you to get things out and touch them and feel them and interact with them. But only ONE category at a time. She has a particular order that you’re supposed to do these in and yes, she does want everything of a certain category laid out in front of you so you can pick through things and really decide what you want. 
There are several things about her system that appeal to me and make sense to me and that I think will really help me. 
  1. Getting everything together in one category helps you see if you have sixteen lipsticks where the color is basically the same. Or you can see how many t-shirts you have that you’re not wearing. Or you see how many half used bottles of conditioner are currently taking up residence in your life. If you don’t get everything of a certain group all together you won’t really know what you have and if you don’t know what you have there’s no way of telling what you need. 
  2. Interact with the things so that you know how they make you feel. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve always felt like some objects have a personality. For example, I was having trouble with my last car - it wouldn’t start. I called rubbed the dash and called it all kinds of pet names (baby, sweetie, etc.) and finally when I called it ‘Princess’ it started. It took me years to let go of it because I felt such a close bond with it. I had to say goodbye to it when I did swap it out for a newer car. But saying “goodbye” out loud, if softly, did help me part with it. And I’ve found that saying “thank you” to the objects who have all served me in some form or fashion before letting them go made it easier to part with some things that I didn’t think I’d be able to part with. She may have even set me free of the majority of my book collection - I haven’t gotten to start truly weeding my collection yet, but I did get boxes from the ABC store today so that I could start putting books in them to donate or what have you. And I think I may actually be able to part with the majority of them now which I never thought I’d be able to do. This has yet to be proven true, but I feel fairly confident that this is going to be much less of a problem than I anticipated. 
  3. She doesn't let you use the “but I might need it ‘someday’!” excuse. You either use it, legally need it, love it, or you get rid of it. And you don’t just pass stuff off on other people. 
  4. No getting super fancy about storage. Just put everything of one kind together so that you always know what you have. 
  5. The purpose is to focus on the things that make you happy and releasing yourself of the things that you don’t. So instead of agonizing over what you should get rid of which is stressful for me, you focus on what you really want to keep. It may not sound like a big difference, but for me it is. 
  6. You must finish the “toss” portion before you start the “organizing” project. Which makes perfect sense, but I’ve often found myself trying to figure out how to keep everything or more of my things out of “just in case” or “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”. When I do that, I don’t end up getting rid of much and before I know it my clever storage is overflowing and I’m back in the boat I was before. 
It’s still a massive undertaking but it has already helped me feel freer in my own space. I have a long way to go but I’m planning to make significant strides this weekend. I don’t know that I’ll ever be as passionate about folding clothes or the proper way to store socks as she is, but just listening to her talk about things has been immensely freeing in my own mind. While the project is overwhelming because of how much I have to go through and how much time that will take and the effort in gathering everything in a certain section together in order to examine my choices, what no longer feels stressful and scary is the process of choosing. I know there will probably still be some tough things, but I think that reading this book is really helping me heal my attitude towards stuff, having stuff, and buying stuff which would be, just as she promised, life-changing. 
float_on_alright: officer haught (officer haught)

I mentioned previously that one of the activities that Marie Kondo recommends in her course and with her clients is to really focus on the reason that you're tidying up and why it's important to you. She says you really need to visual the life you want and what your space will look like in order to do things properly and it make sense. If you don't have a specific goal how will you know if the actions you're taking are going to produce the results you want?

There is an exchange in "Alice in Wonderland" that I think makes the point well:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

This is exactly the point that Kondo is making here and which several other authors and coaches have expounded upon in their works. 

I love the next bit because it says so much about my life so far:

“–so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

Isn't that just how I've been living up to this point? "I'm not sure exactly where I want to go so I'll just walk around until I end up somewhere and hopefully a street sign will strike me and I'll decide that's where I want to be."

I don't want to live that way anymore because it is exhausting and not rewarding with the exception of the occasional moment of stumbling into something every once in a while (a clock with a dead battery is still correct occasionally). I know that's been a prominent theme in my journaling these last few weeks. 

So, why did I decide to tidy up and what do I want to get out of it and why do I want those things out of it? Or something. 

I have a large bedroom and a spacious walk-in closet and yet I don't seem to have a lot of room. I have lots of containers to help with organizing my belongings not to mention several bookshelves, desks, and a massive chest of drawers. I've been allowed to keep things in the loft as well. Further, I have the cabinet space for two sinks but with only one sink so that I have that entire section of counter that can be used for lotions and potions etcetera. On top of that, I have a medicine cabinet and an over-the-door organizer hanging down. There are two of those on my closet door. There are crates and boxes and giant plastic tubs (I think one of them is 50 gallons). I have stuff in the loft closet as well. 

Somehow, with all that space and all those containers, my stuff is nowhere near contained. It's spilling over everything. It's piled and toppling in every corner of space I own. Including out from under my bed. 

It's too much. It's just too much. 

I didn't think I felt this way as a kid, teen, or younger adult. Choas suited me fine and I knew where everything was because "I had a system". Maybe that was a lie, maybe it wasn't. I can't say with any surety. 

What I can say is that I have gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot breathe in my own space anymore unless I'm sleeping and I can't promise that it's not disturbing that too. 

I want to come home and just be able to relax without moving a pile of clothes to another portion of the room or precariously balance my books on the edge of an already too full bookcase and hope nothing falls down. I want to be able to rearrange the furniture in my room and maybe get rid of a piece so that I have more floor space for doing Wii Zumba or wrapping presents in front of the TV at Christmas. I want to know what I have and where to find it. 

I think a lot of the shopping I've done has been out of the idea that shopping makes me happy and that having stuff makes me happier. I'm sure there is, to an extent, truth to this. There are sometimes that looking for a new pair of shoes or a great outfit or a power lipstick is fun and exciting. There are times that having these things and using them have brought me joy. The thing is a lot of these things are just taking up space now. I don't use them but I don't throw them out when I buy something new because "what if I need it". But if I don't use it at least once a year, how can I possibly justify keeping it? 

I've mentioned it before, but I also get caught up in the idea that a particular person gave it to me and I don't want to dishonor our friendship or their memory or some other similar bullshit by getting rid of whatever thing it is. Mementos are great and I should have some. I should keep most pictures and a few other small things, but I think that's the key here: few other small things. 

I feel like if I can tidy my space that I will be able to tidy my mind. I used to think that was an absurd idea and maybe that isn't how I used to function as a person, but now I know in my bones that if I'm going to change my life I'm going to need to change my environment. I don't need a new place, I just need to make my space like new. I have a lot of habits I'm changing and breaking and replacing but in order to continue, I have to have a space clear of junk. I have to be reminded that it isn't stuff that makes me happy. I have to have a safe, relaxing space to recharge. I have to let go of the things that are holding me back literally and figuratively. 

So again, what does that look like? Anything visible in the room will be something I use several times a week at least or is there because it's visually pleasing. My bookshelves will be tidy. I will be able to get rid of at least one piece of furniture. All my clothes will be hung up or in the dresser. I will have a reasonable number of shoes that are all at least semi-functional - as in they would be worn at least twice a year. There will be nothing piled on the floor with the possible exception of dirty clothes in a hamper or bag. I will have room to do Zumba. I will have a designated space for writing or otherwise being creative and it will be comfortable and inviting space with only those things which are creative aids, inspiration, or for comfort. My room will be fairly easy to dust and vacuum. I will have a fan I like to help me keep the room cooler. I will have things on the wall I enjoy and that are empowering.  I will feel good about being in the room and find it peaceful and enjoyable. 

I think that about covers it. Wish me luck.
float_on_alright: I understand which if i think about it disturbs me (I understand which if i think about it d)
Believe it or not, but I think I finished my soulmate first draft. I can hardly believe it. There is a lot of editing to do of course, but I’m going to let it set for a day or two before I start really digging in. There will likely be a lot of deleting and rewriting obviously but I’m going to give it a few days to rest before I start working on it again. Once I got through it a bit, I’ll be sending it to poor Rebby who is going to have read what is currently over 12,000 words on a pairing that isn’t even one she’s ever seen on screen. Bless her. She’s a good friend. 

In other news, I had started a book about decluttering a while back - “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” or something like that. I’m sure you’ve probably heard of it. As my other book (“White Trash Zombie Gone Wild”) was stressing me, I thought I’d take a break from it and listen to a little more of the decluttering guide while I walked the dog - I immensely enjoy listening to books while I walk the dog. The next bit that I listened to in the 
“Tidying Up” book was instructions on a journaling-like activity that, according to the author, is an absolutely critical part of the process if you want the decluttering to stick. I listened on but right behind that instruction was another activity to do and that made me feel like I really needed to rewind a bit and listen when I could sit down and work on the activities. 

I guess I could listen to the whole book through and then go on about my way, but I feel like there isn’t much point in listening to and reading self-improvement books if you’re not going to do any of the processes they suggest. And maybe nothing will really come out of the activities but I think I will get good things out of it. One of the things she says you need to do before you start a project like this is decide what it is exactly that you want to get out of the process. Really, really visualize it and have it clear in your mind. Then ask yourself why you want what you’ve envisioned. Once you’ve answered write more about why those are things that you came up with until you’ve written down at least a “why” to the “why” to the “why”. As someone who has been floating through with only a vague notion of what I might want for myself, I think this is a really good idea. 

There is a marked difference in my vision for my life - as in I do actually have the start of one - since I read “You Are A Badass” as it’s one of the things stressed in that book as well. Knowing how pointless life starts to feel when you don’t have something specific you’re working towards, a firm goal in mind, I have to say these kinds of processes do seem critical. If you aren’t aiming for anything, you’ll end up doing nothing and, at least for me, that tends to be an empty existence. 

Many of the articles on motivation, creativity, and productivity expound on the benefits of thoroughly digesting and then writing about the books you read. I’ve always been a prolific reader, but I can’t say that beyond a few reviews here and there that I’ve been digging into the information my reading provides. Granted most of the reading I’ve done has been for fun and I certainly intend to continue to read fluff and fun but I’ve been spending more time reading non-fiction lately and the whole point has been to work towards making a better life for myself. I can’t expect to do that by flying through a ton of books. It won’t matter how many books and articles I read if I don’t take the time to not only ingest them but also really digest them. 

I need to make my way towards bed - have make up to take off and leftovers to put in the fridge for now, but I am going to have to do a better job of working on these activities if I want my new found motivation and lack of depression to continue. And sleep is vital too! 


float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)

September 2017

101112131415 16
1718 19 202122 23


RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 01:49 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios