Confessions of Fangirl

My shoulder has been killing me for days. I’ve got a Groupon to go see a massage therapist type person, but I need to get that setup. Everything feels so crazy right now. I know a large part of my struggle with my shoulder is stress. I’ve felt it in my shoulder whenever I’ve been tired and stressed since I had that accident eight? Nine? Years ago. The other trouble is that I’ve stopped exercising. Working out, especially my arms and shoulders, seemed to really help the issue. I still had pain, but it wasn’t nearly so much or so often. I need to start working on my arms and shoulders again at the very least, even if there is a lot I can’t do again yet because of my foot/ankle. I’ve been doing the exercises for my foot and walking more, but that’s not really working out, and it definitely doesn’t do anything to help my shoulder.

*Insert Time Lapse Here*

I took two alieve and an anti-anxiety in hopes that those would help ease the pain in my shoulder, but it’s honestly gotten worse since I’ve been sitting here. I’m working on my posture hoping that will help in the long term (I’m wondering if it’s making things worse in the short term since I’m forcing those muscles to hold a position they’re unaccustomed to holding), though who knows. I need to make an appointment to get my physical soon so I should probably bring that up. I need to make a list of things to ask about so that I don’t forget to ask while I’m there. If they charge me more, they charge me more. I don’t have the time or patience to go scheduling a shit ton of different appointments. If they need me to schedule a follow-up, I will, but I would really appreciate it if someone could just give me a good muscle relaxer to take a few times a week. I’m reasonably sure that would solve the majority of my problems.

Granted, I’d have a shit ton more time if I wasn’t playing so much gosh darned Pokemon Go. It’s getting obnoxious. Which is why I originally quit! I just got sucked in too far and got too addicted to the damn game! It’s not a habit I should be spending this kind of time and money on. I know once I start school in January that my life is going to have to change. I’m going to have homework and studies and papers and discussions and it’s going to be a lot and running around all over God’s green earth looking for Pokemon and Pokestops, just isn’t going to plausible. Not that I can’t do some of that still. I’m just saying.

I really wish my shoulder wasn’t bothering me so much. Part of me is thinking about getting a massage or one of those electro pad things I see advertised on TV sometimes. I’m thinking that might help. Really though, I need to go see a doctor and see what they tell me to do since they may be able to give me a better idea of what things are more likely to be helpful and which things I probably shouldn’t spend my money on.

I also desperately need to do my nails, but that’s another story.

I enjoyed this weekend so much. I shouldn’t really call it a weekend though. I’ve been off for four days. Last night with C was amazing. We went to see “Potted Potter” and it was fan-fucking-tastic. I left with muscles behind my ears sore from laughing and smiling so hard. If you like Harry Potter even remotely, I think it’s well worth going to see. Truly, it was a great time.

And then I saw Lizzie who I had not seen in AGES. It was nice to run into her. She was bartending the event and it was just so nice to say hi. I hadn’t seen her in person in ages.

C has made a joke about whether or not they and I are dating and don’t know it twice now and I’m not sure how to respond to it. I mean, they’re great. There was a time I thought we might date, but shortly after we met, it felt like they had put me squarely in the “friend” category of their life and I thought that was probably for the best. Ugh, and I’m such an awkward turtle that I don’t even know how to broach the whole thing.

And then there are the next two weeks at work which make me want to come down with the flu and be out sick for two weeks.

Ugh. Wish me luck. I hope you all are in better shape than me.

I’m worn out tonight. We had the teen “retreat” today which meant that I was basically in a 7 hour meeting today. I was stressed very nearly the whole day. I did take a break at lunch just to walk around a little outside which was hugely helpful. It was a gorgeous day, low sixties, but bright sunshine, clear skies, and mostly still air so you didn’t feel cold or anything. The “retreat” took place at one of the local parks so we were down close to a lake/pond. Autumn is in the riot of color right before all the leaves fall off the trees, but a bunch of leaves have fallen so everything is just color all over the place. Soon everything will start to turn more gray and brown, but for now everything is orange and gold and it’s really something to see. And there was just enough of that tiny movement of air to get the leaves to make that soothing shushing white noise sound I love. It went a long way towards soothing my nerves. I’m still super tense.

My shoulder has been killing me again. It was a lot better for a while when I was working out regularly and doing strength exercises, but since I’ve been too tired, busy, and injured to exercise, the pain and tension has flared up again. It’s been pretty intense pain/discomfort wise the last few days. It’s kind of sucked if I’m honest. I know sleeping on that side makes it worse too so I’ve been conscious not to sleep on the shoulder that’s the issue. Still though. It’s almost as bad as when I first did it right now. I probably need to have my annual soon so maybe I’ll check with the doc then and see if I can get something temporary for the pain. It think the tension and that muscle strain contributed to my headache as well, because I can feel that muscle pulling and knotted all through my shoulder, toward the rest of my back and down my side, as well as up my neck to my scalp behind my ear. It’s pretty extensive discomfort wise. The worst is in the meat of the shoulder and my neck below/behind my ear, but it just radiates so much.

I have so much to get done in the next few days, weeks… etcetera. And then, assuming I can navigate all the things, I start school in barely more than a month.

Looking over my goals for the month, I need to average something like 800 - 900 words a day through the end of the month, but I’m not feeling that tonight. I’m tired and feeling sore and beat up. I feel lucky to have gotten this far. Good night everyone.