float_on_alright | Reading Too Much and Other Life Stories (Reply)

I wrote another bit of what I hope will be a book eventually today and it came so smoothly and easily. I only wrote about 500 words but I did it in less than 20 minutes so I was really pleased with that. I think I’ll be able to add more tomorrow.

It feels good to be writing again though I feel like I’m nearly constantly at the edge of a panic attack these days. Just living with the tightness in my chest that’s hard to breathe around. I’m not living with it constantly but I feel like it does happen every morning on my way to work. There’s this one stop light I come to when I get off the highway and I’m close to work and it’s like the point I wake up on my way to work because I’m basically just driving on autopilot and half a brain cell up to that point. I feel like that’s the point I see the signs of a panic attack. I take deep breaths and just try to recognize that I’m not dying without “fighting” it. A few minutes later I’ll be busy doing the math to figure out if I’ve made it “on time” since you have a small window to still be “on time” if you clock in (for example, 8:05 is 8am by the time/payclock) and my car clock is six minutes fast. Once I get to the “am I late, late or technically on time, late?” stage, I’m usually not feeling too bad.

Well, I’m a little behind on my writing goal for the month (goal of 30,000). I should be at 13,000 but I’m only at a little over 11,000 but that’s okay. I needed the break I gave myself. I’m addicted to reading right now which, look I know that I’m always a reader but I go through periods of intense reading and I’m in one of those places right now. In the last week I’ve read or listened to over 1200 pages. And that’s just counting the books and comics I’ve finished - not anything I’m part way through, fanfiction or short stories, or reading to edit.

I think it might be the time of year. I mean my schools are shutting down, it’s summer, and I was conditioned in school and in my current job that summer meant reading. This might be a pavlov's bell thing. Or it could just be my own natural reading rhythm which brings these kinds of things up every 3 - 6 months.

I’m not sure.

Anyway, my POINT is that... Nope, no idea what my point is. Possibly that I’m well ahead on my reading goal for the month and my editing goal for the month so I just need to buckle down and get to work on my writing and such. I’m scared of re-working my Mrs. Clause story but I’m also determined to do it.

But no more of that today. It’s my bedtime.

Peace.