You gotta fight for your right to party! And by party, I mean read books

 

I already know I’m going to be up way too late tonight. I mean, it’s already after midnight and I want to write a little bit and there’s also a book calling my name and I have a distinct impression that I will be reading until I literally cannot hold my eyes open anymore or until I finish the book. It’s a fake relationship trope m/m romance and it’s written in that style that I find beyond addicting. I can’t fully explain what that style is, I only know I would give my left foot (so long as it was like under anesthesia) to be able to write that way and tell a plot like that for two hundred pages. I read the first few chapters at lunch and I was literally squealing with glee. 

 

I was hoping that this weekend--because I’m off for three days--would be a good weekend to do some writing, but the family party is tomorrow and Jaymie is in town visiting so we’ll be doing something at some point and I can pretty much guarantee that those are going to eat my normal writing time. I mean the party will be fun so I’m not sad about that and seeing Jaymie will be awesome cause I haven’t seen her since like September so I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining (too much, anyway), but I am frustrated with myself for not getting more writing done last week when I had an entire condo to myself for three days. 

 

I did need last weekend though. It was essential that I get that time for myself and I’m incredibly thankful that I had it. 

 

I wish I wasn’t so tired now. I can’t be mad about being tired. I’ve been up since about five after going to sleep around 1am last night. Dad and I went to the gym and then we came back to the house so I could shower and go to work. I had a pretty good work day. I didn’t get quite as much done as I would’ve liked and I’m frustrated that I didn’t save the space to have my book club in May, but it is what it is. If I get very, very lucky, the community room will end up being available and I’ll be able to snag it. Or I’ll be able to find a better reason than, “oops forgot to reserve the space!” as an excuse for not having it that month or having it on a different night. I’ve been trying to come up with a plausible reason for having it the next Monday and I might be able to make that work. 

 

I’m working on a Shadowhunters story based on the alternate universe that Clary and Jace visit for a little bit in the first season, but I’m struggling with it a little. I’ve been able to add little bits here and there, but there hasn’t been any flow. I think part of the problem is I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want to see happen and how I want it to happen. I have a vague idea, but I may need to spend some more thorough time plotting it out in order to get any real traction on the story. Maybe “plot it out” is a bit strong of a statement, but definitely, have a more concrete idea of how I want things to go than I do now. Right now, I just know I want the boys to pine for each other before they end up together, but no story writing is really THAT easy. There are definitely a lot more factors to consider. 

 

Man, as much as I was hoping to read that whole book tonight, my eyes are watering when I yawn, and I feel like my eyelids are trying to lift the weights I was working with this morning (all of them) so I doubt I’ll be conscious much longer.

 

I hope everyone has an incredible weekend. 

Tired Kate is Cranky

I need about sixteen hundred more words to make my goal for the month and I really don’t want to miss a month’s goal this early in the year since there’s a long way to go a lot of life to live and a big word count goal for the year. I need to exercise today because I likely won’t have time to do that tomorrow. I should say that I’m unlikely to make time for it tomorrow since there will be visiting with people and I’m going to be exhausted after tonight’s visiting with people. I do want to hang out with Jaymie but I think I said that I would hang out with a couple of other people too and now I’m kind of dreading it which is super frustrating.

 

I know part of it is that I’m wicked tired. I was exhausted when I finally went to sleep last night at 3:30 in the morning and then I got up at like 10 this morning to pee and then I could’ve gone back to sleep, but I decided to stay up and read instead of going back to sleep. I’m not saying I regret it, but I know it wasn’t the smartest decision. I just really wanted to finish that book. It’s ridiculous to say that after an entire long weekend at the beach by myself, that I still feel like I can’t take any more time with people. Granted, a lot of it is my job. I love my job, but I spend hours a day being sociable and friendly and answering questions and being “on” constantly and I’m just so fucking tired of being “on” right now. There aren’t a lot of people that don’t make me feel like I have to be “on.” I love my friends dearly and I enjoy my time with them, but there are only like two people in the world that literally never feel draining.

 

I don’t want to sound mean by calling people “draining” because often the same people who “drain” are ones that “fill me up” at other times. But when I’m this tapped out, this on edge, there just aren’t many people I can be around and not feel worse.

 

It’s also different talking to people online or via text. I might feel good or (maybe even) better for getting to talk to people online or via text when sitting in the same room with them would have the opposite effect. I can’t say why that is. Maybe it’s because I feel like I have control of the conversation if it’s online. If I get too tired or I need to not talk for a little bit, I can do that without it being weird. Everyone understand when I get sucked into something and disappear for a little while if I’m talking to them online. Being there in person is an entirely different prospect, it just is.

 

I know I want to see Jaymie and in all likelihood I’ll be fine once I’m out with everyone. And all I have to say if I’m struggling is that I’m exhausted from work and family stuff and everyone will understand. No one is going to be mad at me if I’m not up to “my usual performance.” I just have to remember that.

 

The other thing is that I’ll have another busy week and then it’s my weekend to work. I would dearly love to get another day off, but I need to save my vacation days and if I take a sick day then I lose the extra vacation hours I could earn by not taking sick leave for seven pay periods in a row. I have to make it through about three more weeks before I can take a sick day and not mess up my count so I hate to say this but I think I’m planning on taking a sick day right around the end of April or the beginning of May, once my “count” is going to reset. It resets either after the seven pay periods when they give you four extra hours of vacation or you take a sick leave day.

 

The problem is going to be that with dad being retired now, I’m going to be the house with mom and dad and that’s not really a break from people. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being a big whiny baby. It’s not like I’d want to live by myself. Anyway, I need to get some stuff done before everyone shows up for tonight.