Empaths and Distractions

[float_on_alright]

Every time I went to write today I ended up with work in my lap (which is a valid excuse) or getting distracted by something (a less valid excuse). I had good intentions at lunch today, but one of my work buddies was in there and we ended up doing very little other than talking about a cartoon and other fictional loves. It was lovelyyyy. And then when I was at the desk we were either too busy or one of my coworkers would not shut up.

 

I feel bad for her. Her story was absolutely awful. The thing is, that is not the story to be telling me at the reference desk where everyone can hear and the other thing is, I think she has very little selfawareness. She calls herself an empath and while she is easily hurt, I’ve never seen her be senstive to other people’s moods and feelings. She is incredibly confrontational and still manages to be passive aggressive as well. She’s tried to undermine my friend on several occasions when he wasn’t there to defend himself. She’s often kind and funny, but I struggle with her too and she never seems to have any idea when people are uncomfortable with a conversation. She does things that seem minorly detrimental to the branch as a whole because she has a fued with the circulation manager (one I don’t entirely blame her for, since he’s a dick too).

 

It’s not like she’s not a nice person. She is. She’s a good lady. I struggle because she makes it sound like no disagreement is ever fault and everyone around her is just mean to her giving heart and using up all her incredible patience and giving and it just irks me. I never feel like she’s “feeling what I feel.” Sure, she’s sympathetic, but I’ve never seen her react to someone who is emotionally hurting by emotionally hurting with them. That, to me, is the main part of being an empath. Maybe I just don’t see it, but here’s the thing--I almost always DO see the pain in everyone. It DOES hurt me when other people around me hurt and it tears at me. I can’t NOT do something to try to make it better. I don’t always succeed, sometimes there isn’t a single thing I can do.

 

I think that’s the rub because I do feel her pain. I can’t not. I can’t turn it off very well. It’s why I need so much time alone. If I’m around people, I’m feeling their energy. Sure, some people are nuetral and some people give off an positive kind of energy, but the vast majority of people pull it right out of me as if I can give it to them. And, hell, maybe I do.

 

Anyway, I got distracted (again) and it’s midnight so I’m going to go to bed. Fingers crossed that tomorrow when I work with her, she’ll give me some peace.