Disappointment

[float_on_alright]

I think I can literally feel the hormones raging in my bloodstream today. There’s a mix of rage and sadness at absolutely nothing thundering through me that I haven’t been able to figure out how to channel that energy anywhere. Thankfully, I love my job and I do love working with people so it’s not been too much of an issue at the desk. Plus, we’re closed Sunday mornings and I was just able to work on projects instead of being in front of people. Further, because I’m the only one from the Teen Team here today (each of the three of us is on a different weekend), I had the Teen Closet… I mean Teen Office totally to myself. I love my teen office mates, but it is really nice to know that you’re going to have a few hours mostly to yourself. I came out to hunt down some books for some stuff I have going on this week but I had my earbuds in so I could listen to my book while I did it and I loved that. I really enjoyed the book I was listening too.

I need to admit that part of the reason I’m upset is because my crush left me on “Read” and there are a whole lot of reasons that could be so I don’t want to make a big thing of it, but she did tell me about a girl she’d been “talking to” even if she didn’t know how serious it was so she’s really not as available as I was hoping. I’d love it if she was thinking of me the way I’m thinking about her, but today I’m facing the fact that she doesn’t. I know that’s part of it.

I’m disappointed of course. I knew I would be. I hoping to live in day dream land for a little while longer. It was so nice have the unknown of a new crush. I know I mentioned, but having been five years since I really felt anything like this was just really nice. I’d started to think that I couldn’t feel that way anymore outside of fiction (books, tv shows, fanfic, what have you). It was kind of scary to have that part of myself so shut off. Things had started to pick up. I’ve had a ton of little crushes the last few months since I started at the library, but just nothing like this.

And I know I’ll get over it. I need to start actively trying to get over it. Maybe tomorrow.