Birth Control and Other Considerations

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I’m definitely beat tonight. It’s been quite a week and I’m excited to have a few days off and just reboot a little bit. There has been a lot going on. 

I know I’m tired because I spent an hour trying to find something to watch while I write this post. I’d like to watch “Leverage” but the bastards took it off Netflix and it isn’t on Amazon Prime or Hulu as far as I can tell. I mean, I have the DVDs upstairs, but they’re alllll the wayyyy upstairs. Granted, it would have taken me less time to go get the DVDs than it took me to figure out what to watch so maybe I should’ve just bitten the bullet. I’ve been here so long, I’m actually hungry again. I’m debating if I want to make myself a drink. It sounds like a good idea in some ways, but that too involves things like effort and I think I’m too tired to enjoy it anyway. 

Tomorrow I’m going to see Thor with Cara (my new friend—the one I met because her mom works at the library with me) and I’m super excited because I haven’t seen Thor and it’s been out for weeks now. Cara is really fun and we have stupid amounts in common so it’s been really fun texting with her and chatting with her and stuff. It’s great to have a new friend in the area! Especially since I haven’t heard much from Maria and Alixis lately. Emily F is an incredible friend but she’s not a nerd friend and she doesn’t live in the area. Plus she has a kid and a husband so our time together is sometimes limited. Emily and I have one of the best friendships ever, but it can be tricky to get stuff together. We’re going to see The Nutcracker next Friday which I can’t wait for either and today I got to have lunch with her and a bunch of the other Scholastic peeps which was great. 

What has not been awesome is the fact that I feel like my ovary is about three times the size it’s supposed to be. It now only feels about twice the size it normally does which is an improvement over earlier. I’ve heard that heat and such might help so I’m hoping I can find my hot water bottle and take it to bed with me to press on it to see if that would help.

Ugh, I’m so sick of my reproductive organs. I really want to donate them to someone who wants them. 

That isn’t possible, but my doctor is willing to let me do whatever I want with my organs as long as I’m sure. I’d like to do the ablation thing which he says we can do. We’ll need to tie my tubes at the same time to make sure I don’t get pregnant after I’ve had the ablation because it would be very dangerous for me to get pregnant when the uterus no longer has the lining to support an egg and the surface has been (for lack of a better word) cauterized. 

Everyone is freaking out about the possibility of me doing this. Okay, not everyone. My sister is like, “if that’s what you think you want, do it” and my friend Jaymie said something like “we can schedule it around my trip home so I can drive you and stuff” when I told her I’m wasn’t sure that mom would be willing to help me with the driving too and from. 

My dad is gonna like lose his shit. He wants a grandbaby so bad. Poor man. 

But I just, I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to be a mom and I sure as shit don’t think it would be a good idea for me to pass on my genes to a child. Issues with my weight/diabetes, major recurring depression, anxiety, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome… I mean that kind of seems like a terrible genetic legacy. 

Not to mention that being pregnant sounds like 10 months of torture. And then labor???? Are you fucking kidding me? Women still choose to do this? 

I read an article the other day about falling fertility rates in the US and they made it sound as though… Honestly I’ve seen people talk about climate change and the destruction of the earth as we know it with less panic than what this person was displaying over low fertility rates in America. Although how they could possibly be surprised by that considering how people work three jobs just to take care of themselves and they still have to have a roommate to share the house payment. Who can afford a child honestly? And now with birth control being advanced and as reliable as it is, I’m guessing there are a shit ton less accidental pregnancies. Also, women are finally getting to the point where they don’t feel like they “have” to have kids or that there only purpose in life is giving birth to the heir or that having children is the only way to feel “fulfilled” in life probably means a shit ton less of them are having kids on a whole. The thing is, I kind of think this is a good thing. There are too many people on this planet, just too many. I’m sure there’s an actual reason was this is bad or scary, but to me it just sounds like good news all around. 

Anyway, I need to sleep. Night peeps.