Affirmations and Worries

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I didn’t do the assignments from chapter 8 this week but I think just reading the chapter helped me. I don’t want to move on to chapter 9 though yet. I know this 12 week course has turned into something like a 7 month sprawl but I think it’s important to do all the work even if I haven’t been good about keeping it to twelve weeks.

The author has several other books on writing and I have a copy of “Writing Down the Bones” as well to study. I was also trying some other writing books. All good, all helpful, but I think one writing book at a time (not counting books that are just full of writing prompts—those are good support but they aren’t “study” or “assignment” books, at least in my opinion) is how I need to go. I’m thinking after I finish the work in “The Artist’s Way” I am going to work through her book about writing for weight loss. I have a feeling there will be gold in them there hills.

I suppose I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself though, I’m still working through this book and I have five weeks of work left to do.

One of the assignments is to work with five of the recommended affirmations she suggests. I totally forgot about them for this week, along with everything else I forgot. I’m thinking I’m going to type them out here so I can see which ones “feel” the best.

FYI when she talks about “God” she means it as the energy of the universe or whichever deity to you believe in.

I am a talented person.

I have a right to be an artist.

Creativity is a blessing I accept.

My creativity blesses others.

My creativity is appreciated.

I now treat myself and my creativity more gently.

I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

I accept hope.

I now act affirmatively.

I now accept creative recovery.

I now act affirmatively.

I now allow myself to heal.

I now accept God’s help unfolding my life.

I now believe God loves artists.

I think the five that are going to be the most important to me are:

1. I now allow myself to heal.

2. I now accept creative recovery.

3. I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

4. My creativity is appreciated.

5. I have a right to be an artist.

Yeah, those are the things that hit me the deepest and I know when you’re working with affirmations that they have to be the things that strike you or they won’t make a difference in your mindset--which is the whole point.

I’ll need to remember to say these or write these a few times a day throughout the week and hopefully that won’t be too hard. It is usually easier for me to keep up with the things I post online than any other things I’ve tried. It’s not perfect, but I don’t think anything really is.

It feels good to be writing again even though it also feels like pulling teeth. That probably seems a little like an oxymoron or something, but I don’t know how else to describe the riot going on in me.

I’ve spent the weekend being fairly productive which feels good. I did finish a book which was great and the art thing yesterday was just so, so good for my soul. I really am going to have to do stuff like that more often because I deeply needed it. I’m hoping that I don’t have to go to an art studio type thing to get that same feeling. I’m kind of hoping that closing myself off in my room or chilling alone in the backyard with the dog and some watercolors might do the same thing for me. Art instruction is invaluable but I feel like YouTube videos could give me enough for what I want to do which is basically feel vaguely creative and quiet. That’s a lot cheaper, lol. It’s not that I want to be stingy with the money I put into taking care of my “inner artist,” it’s just that I want to take better care of my finances overall. And there has to be a way to balance those things.

Today has been lovely. I slept late and puttered around. I watched a few episodes of Orphan Black and helped dad go over a few medical things. Now, I’m watching Hallmark Christmas movies (I’m on my second for the evening). These movies really do make me feel joyful. I won’t swear that I won’t watch one more before I go to bed tonight. I get sleep in later tomorrow because I’m not going in until 10. I’m doing my first book club and a write-in tomorrow evening so since I’m going to stay later than usual, I don’t have to be in as early. I’ll need a shower in the morning and I probably should walk the dog, poor thing.

I’m so nervous for my book club tomorrow which is dumb because my friends are coming to support me and it’ll all be totally fine. I have some questions to ask to help keep the conversation going if needed. I know I’ll be tempted to just talk to my friends about their lives, lol. Unless of course other people show up. If other people show up then it’ll probably be easier not to just talk about people’s lives but at the same time, OH GOD WHAT IF OTHER PEOPLE SHOW UP???!! Like I know that is the point, but GOOD GOD THAT’S TERRIFYING. I mean, I guess I am hoping for that so that my friends don’t have to always come to my book club forever until the end of time, but I’m still nervous.

I have an event about housing a few weeks and I’ll probably get a little nervous about that but I won’t get worked up about it because it isn’t as personal. I think it’s an important thing to do and I think it’s something beneficial for the people in my library, but I’m not going to be personally upset if no one comes. Of course, I might be singing a different tune next month!

I hope things go well tomorrow. I really want to be great at the library. I want to do good things and start programs that people enjoy and/or find useful. I want to be good at the job. I want my place there to matter. Wish me luck for tomorrow!