The Continued Mild Adventures of Kate

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I’m watching the last episode of the first season of “The Chronicles of Shannara” and I think I’d forgotten just how emotional I got about this last episode. I know it’s a bit of a cheesy show and there’s lots of ridiculousness going on, but I really did end up enjoying it and I ended up very attached to “the main three.” I know there are a lot of people out there who have OT3s that they’re really attached to. I’ve had a couple of shows where I “could see” three of the characters being in love and stuff, but the three of them weren’t my main pairing. This is the only show where I’ve ever felt absolutely convinced that three people were all in love with each other and should live happily ever after. That’s not how it went, but I’m just saying it should have. 

I’m looking forward to the new season though… mostly because my bi (maybe pan?) baby rover (turned scavenger) is getting what looks to be a very cute romance with a very pretty lady and I am here for that. 

Today was good at work too. I had a meeting with my new manager about my progress and she seemed happy and so far I’m happy. I called my dad on the way home today and he asked me how things were going. I was glad to tell him I was enjoying things. The schedule is a little harder. I may need to start dedicating some of my lunch time to writing a few days a week or something so I can get some more writing in, but otherwise I’m really enjoying myself. It still feels a little odd, but it is definitely good. I hope to be more confident soon, but even so dad said to me “You don’t sound stressed like you used to.” And as much as there were so many things I enjoyed about Scholastic, I was pretty much always stressed. Even when things were quiet, I was stressed. I had nightmares about the sound of the phone ringing and I used to hear it in my sleep. Every time a phone rang in the office, I’d have this flash of fear and stress. 

Yes, every job has stress. Yes, every job has downsides. Yes, I’m sure there will be things that I don’t love, or even like about the new job, but honestly, I just feel like I can breathe again. Even with all the work and craziness and exhaustion from the sheer volume of stuff going on, I almost feel as though I’ve been on vacation since I’ve been working at the library. I can’t explain it well. Maybe the best thing to say is just that I enjoy most of the work I’m doing, not just the breaks I take from the work to talk to my coworkers. There is the constant fear of numbers being under. I’m not constantly staring at daunting numbers that only cycle into another barrage of daunting numbers. And it’s kind of amazing. 

My new manager asked me how things were going and I said, “well, I think they’re going well, but I don’t know what anyone else thinks.” We had a chuckle and she said they were really pleased to have me and that things were going well. She asked me what kind of things I needed to help me on my way and you know what was amazing? I knew what to ask for. There are probably still things I don’t know that I don’t know, but I knew what to ask for next. I knew what things I need now to build on what I’ve learned. Maybe that seems like an odd thing to be excited about, but I regularly got asked what would help me with my job at Scholastic and there was rarely anything that anyone could do for me. When Scott (Scholastic manager) would ask me what he could do to help me, the answer was basically “nothing” or “I’ll let you know” and the only time I could really ask for help was when something had gone extra wrong and I didn’t have the “permissions” to solve it myself. 

I’m still nervous and unsure about a lot of things, but I am gaining more knowledge every day and the choice I made seems… more like the right one. I was fairly sure I was making the right choice for me when I made it, but I felt so much love for the people at Scholastic that it was hard to say for sure. 

Anyway, I need to sleep so I can get up and shower in the morning.