Writer's Block: Universally speaking

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I find this question interesting, and I wish I had an interesting answer for it. I think I would choose to have it with (Master - like Master Shake in ATHF - Edward - yes after Twilight and we had rat named Bella, it was funny - Lupin - yes I did name a cat after a fictional werewolf - shut it) Squeaks who was a stray my roommate found my senior year.

The rest of the story is sad if you like cats or have loved a pet (hence the cut), consider this fair warning. 


He had FIV (the feline equalivant of AIDS) and not long after we got him, he got very, very sick. I went through a lot, loads of medicines - even a machine with a mask for his face that was supposed to get medicine into his lungs to help him breathe (which he HATED). It seemed like he kept telling me to let him go die in the woods, but I couldn't let him go. I tried everything and he just fought me. It seemed the only time he had energy was when I was trying to do something to extend his life. It was awful. 

He couldn't breathe - if you've ever heard a cat breathe through their mouth all the time - it is a wrenching sound. He didn't eat, he didn't drink, he fought me on the medicine for his lungs, and he threw up anything else I forced him to take.

Eventually, I broke down. I took him to a hospital. When the vet came to administer the medicine, he didn't fit. I swear it was like he knew. I cried and I cried, and I petted him long after the rasping sound had stopped and his lungs no longer rose and fell. 

There are so many things I wish I'd done differently, if I'd just gone to the vet earlier when he started getting sick, maybe if I'd let him go out to die on his own terms, maybe maybe maybe. Was he really okay with my decisions? What if I hadn't done what I did? If I'd waited a little longer?

All I know is what I did. But if I had the chance, I'd ask him, maybe not if I made the right choices, but if he could forgive me the choices I made.