Statements and Purposes Part 1

I barely squeaked out my goal for the month of July but I made it so I can’t complain. I was worried I wouldn’t make it because of how tired I was last night. Even after getting a very solid, long night’s sleep on Monday night, I still felt tired. Plus, I had a crazy, long day on Tuesday and starting off the day having my gaps stabbed and my teeth scraped with sharp, metal hooks did not impress me, at all. I was worried that I would be mobbed today at the Kids Eat Free hospital visit and I wasn’t sure how to handle that considering that I’d been mobbed the shit out of yesterday at the Harry Potter Fest which did go better than I worried it might. I wasn’t mobbed though and I’m thankful for that.

 

I was able to make a few notes on my statement of purpose for my master’s degree application tonight as well as add a few lines to the rough draft. I often try to craft stuff like this in my head before I work on it on paper, but I’ve decided that for something this important, I ought to make sure I have notes about all the things I think to include and at least one draft before the final letter gets crafted. There are several questions they’re asking about career and goals and how my mission lines up with their mission. I do feel like the school I’m applying to right now would be a good fit for me, and I think I’m one of the best library science candidates to ever apply, but I need to find a way to explain why those things are true. Since I’m a writer, it wouldn’t seem like 700 - 800 words about why I’ll be the greatest librarian ever (just kidding obviously, though I do believe I’ll rock at it given more time and training) would be a hard thing to do. It always is difficult when it’s important though. I

 

Part of the difficulty I feel like I’m facing right now is actually the suggested word count. I feel like I could talk about libraries, my experience with them, and why I want to be a librarian for at least a couple of thousand words. Hell, I think I could already write a thesis with those questions as my focus, so limiting myself to less than a thousand words seems tricky. I get why they have that limit though. Any more words than 800 would be a whole lot to read when you look at multiple applications, and proving that you can get a point across clearly and concisely is (or at least, I assume it is) an important part of assignments in grad school.

 

I guess I’m just saying I have a long way to go. Though it doesn’t really seem like it’s far to go.

 

But all that will have to wait because I’m exhausted.

Empaths and Distractions

Every time I went to write today I ended up with work in my lap (which is a valid excuse) or getting distracted by something (a less valid excuse). I had good intentions at lunch today, but one of my work buddies was in there and we ended up doing very little other than talking about a cartoon and other fictional loves. It was lovelyyyy. And then when I was at the desk we were either too busy or one of my coworkers would not shut up.

 

I feel bad for her. Her story was absolutely awful. The thing is, that is not the story to be telling me at the reference desk where everyone can hear and the other thing is, I think she has very little selfawareness. She calls herself an empath and while she is easily hurt, I’ve never seen her be senstive to other people’s moods and feelings. She is incredibly confrontational and still manages to be passive aggressive as well. She’s tried to undermine my friend on several occasions when he wasn’t there to defend himself. She’s often kind and funny, but I struggle with her too and she never seems to have any idea when people are uncomfortable with a conversation. She does things that seem minorly detrimental to the branch as a whole because she has a fued with the circulation manager (one I don’t entirely blame her for, since he’s a dick too).

 

It’s not like she’s not a nice person. She is. She’s a good lady. I struggle because she makes it sound like no disagreement is ever fault and everyone around her is just mean to her giving heart and using up all her incredible patience and giving and it just irks me. I never feel like she’s “feeling what I feel.” Sure, she’s sympathetic, but I’ve never seen her react to someone who is emotionally hurting by emotionally hurting with them. That, to me, is the main part of being an empath. Maybe I just don’t see it, but here’s the thing--I almost always DO see the pain in everyone. It DOES hurt me when other people around me hurt and it tears at me. I can’t NOT do something to try to make it better. I don’t always succeed, sometimes there isn’t a single thing I can do.

 

I think that’s the rub because I do feel her pain. I can’t not. I can’t turn it off very well. It’s why I need so much time alone. If I’m around people, I’m feeling their energy. Sure, some people are nuetral and some people give off an positive kind of energy, but the vast majority of people pull it right out of me as if I can give it to them. And, hell, maybe I do.

 

Anyway, I got distracted (again) and it’s midnight so I’m going to go to bed. Fingers crossed that tomorrow when I work with her, she’ll give me some peace.