Gail Carriger, Gay Romances, and Other Addictions I Have

The of the books I’ve been SO FLIPPING excited for comes out tomorrow. I didn’t pre-order it even though I was tempted because as I mentioned, I’m working on doing better with money. So now I’m only going to get it when I have written enough words. It’s $3.99 (which means $4.28 with tax for me) so that’s about 3,900 words I have to go. I am, of course, deeply regretting my decision to only by books based on writing a 1,000 words per dollar, but I think it was the absolutely best choice. Writing 100 words is too easy to earn me a $1 and I have yet to find anything else that is pushing me to write properly. It’s interesting to hold yourself in such a way, I think. 

There is literally nothing stopping me from logging into Amazon and buying a book except my own promise to myself. I would never have to tell anyone if I bought it. Don’t think that there isn’t part of me that tells me that should go ahead and buy it and then promise that I would get to the word count by the end of the month. And that there isn’t a part of me that just wants to blow off the promise all together. Both of those parts of me exist and they are noisy as hell. But while they are both whine-y and loud, they are not moving the part of me that made the deal with myself. The part that made the deal is far more solid than I would’ve thought. I’m pretty excited about that. 

Well, there are parts of me that are not excited. They would very much like to spend the entirety of tomorrow (or right now since it this point it is the 5th and pretty much the “tomorrow” I was referring to when I started writing this) reading that book I’ve been itching to read for ages. Gail Carriger announced this book months ago. 

Gail is one of those wonderful writers who have gay characters in all their works and while they’ve been side characters in the “big” works, she’s started writing lots of side novellas and short novels with queer characters at the center which just makes me so very, very happy. She’s a fantastic writer in general and she’s one of those authors that blends a ton of humor into her exciting adventures. I feel like that’s a hard thing to do. She’s got such an elaborate world for the majority of her published works—they’re Victorian-era paranormal steampunk stories with seriously kickass female characters. There is this whole thing about manners and society-rules and her books are often a whole dance of following and breaking said rules that I absolutely love. She comes up with great twists and I love how funny she makes it. 

So anyway, this book is more a novella but it’s one about gay werewolves who are going to get to live happily ever after in Victorian-era steampunk paranormal world and I just cannot wait. 

Well, okay, I CAN wait and I WILL wait until I’ve written my words to earn the money to “buy” the book but I am absurdly excited to read it. 

It’s not that I don’t have 800 other books to read. Actually… I think I have something like 3,200 other books to read and access to THREE libraries and Kindle Unlimited. Which is to say, there is no shortage of shit for me to read. Not only is there absolutely no shortage of stuff for me to read (or listen to in my Audible account), but it’s stuff I’d be excited to get to read if I sat down and read it. Hell, I’m overwhelmed for choices of things to read. It’s absurd for me to buy any new books for something like the next three decades, honestly. But still, the shiny calls to me. 

I did have a really good day today though. It’s interesting to me that I’m feeling as energized and happy as I am right now. I’ve been working to get back into the Artist’s Way again. I know I talked about that earlier this week because of how the chapter I’m on is about healing after an “artist wound” but I know it’s been awhile since I mentioned some of the things involved in her program. This is the same program that had an assignment of not reading for a week. I wonder if I should’ve started the book over after taking about two months off from working on the “course” but I don’t think I could go through a week of not reading again. I didn’t make it a whole week the first go ‘round. The four days I took off were good for me though, I know that. Reading is something I take great joy in but I also know that at that time I was pretty much abandoning everything to read including things that really needed to be done. I was out of balance and I needed a reset. 

I’ve been out of balance again, but it hasn’t been reading that’s been my vice lately, it’s been TV. I know I’m all over the place tonight, so I’m sorry for anyone who is trying to make it through all of this. I’ve been watching far too much TV. I want to finish Orphan Black and the second season of Stranger Things (I somehow talked my mother who hates horror into watching the first episode of Stranger Things with me when I wanted to rewatch the first season in preparation for the second season and lo and behold she watched every bit of the first season and I’m not allowed to watch any of the new episodes without her). I’m definitely going to keep up with Lucifer because that’s one of the “current” shows I really love. I’ll keep up with The Shannara Chronicles though I don’t know if that will make it much longer. I mean, they’re going to start playing two episodes a week and I don’t think that has ever bode well for a show in the history of cable television (the Netflix whole series instant available thing is different). There are a few other things I’ll watch with the family of course. 

I like to think I’m going to back down on my TV watching soon, but I’m addicted to Hallmark Christmas movies so that’s unlikely. There are like 33 new ones this year and I still have a ton from past years that I haven’t gotten to see yet. Considering how much time I’ve devoted to the Hallmark Christmas movies it is a little surprising that I haven’t made it through every single one I’ve wanted to see, but I do have a habit of rewatching my favorites several times over the course of the “viewing season” or whatever you want to call it. I think I ended up watching “Trading Christmases” five times between Halloween and New Year’s. I finally broke down and bought that one. And then I had to make sure that there weren’t any issues with the DVD so I watched it again. I’m sure you’re judging me but I just don’t know what to tell you about my obsession with the holiday movies. 

I watch some of their other movies too. There was a super cute Valentine’s Day one I watched over the summer, for example. But there’s nothing quite like the holiday ones. No idea why. Maybe it’s because I love Thanksgiving and Christmas in general. 

Speaking of Thanksgiving and the reason I was talking about “The Artist’s Way” a bit ago, I went on an “Artist Date” today and it was amazing! I had just enjoyed myself so much and it felt incredible to walk out with a piece of art I’d made. I had signed up for a “Chalk and Talk” art session a few weeks ago and I was supposed to go on Monday the 23rd, but shit happened (my dad’s birthday stuff, him being home more than week because of an infected cyst thing he had to have drained on his neck (uh… sorry, that was probably tmi), my car needing to have the catalytic converter replaced, etc.) that I completely forgot about the chalk thing until it was a day or two passed. I was so disappointed but they said I could come to the thing today instead. This was a wood board thing instead of a chalk board but it was really neat. We had a wooden board that we stained and sanded and then we had stencils of leaves and some different “thankful” type word phrases. It’s a “chalk paint” which I found really interesting. There were incredible colors and people’s chalk art makes a lot more sense now. 

I want to look into some stencils and chalk paints to see if that’s a hobby I could feasibly take up at some point in my life because today was SO FUN. And while I’m not a very artistically inclined person when it comes to painting or sculpture or what have you, I did feel like I did a good job overall on my board today. It isn’t perfect, but It think it came out pretty damn well for a first go. I decided to give it to my mom because I thought she’d like it and she absolutely loved it. My dad really likes it too which is sort of cute. Not that my dad isn’t supportive, because he is. It’s just… Yeah, I have no idea how to describe that so I’m just going to let it go. 

But anyway, doing that today gave me a sense of being an artist and it was soothing and fun and sort of invigorating to the soul and that’s the sort of thing I know “The Artist’s Way” book is looking for when it talks about “Artist Dates” and I feel the way the book is looking for you to feel after you’ve had one—a little more confident, a little more satisfied, a little more creative, a little more hopeful, and a little more willing to try the art. All those things are the kinds of things I definitely want to re-create for myself more regularly. 

I have to say, I really hope I get to do chalk art again and I would highly recommend it to anyone who thinks they’ve found a way to try it out. Mine didn’t come out perfect, or any where near it, but for once I felt like I’d done something good, something that made me happy to look at and that’s a rare, precious gift. 

Well, it’s right around 1am for the second time tonight so I think it’s probably time for bed. Hopefully, I’ll be writing again tomorrow, but in the meantime at least I’m a little closer to my book (Romancing the Werewolf, in case you want to look it up; and you really should because the cover is… just amazing). 

Affirmations and Worries

 

I didn’t do the assignments from chapter 8 this week but I think just reading the chapter helped me. I don’t want to move on to chapter 9 though yet. I know this 12 week course has turned into something like a 7 month sprawl but I think it’s important to do all the work even if I haven’t been good about keeping it to twelve weeks.

The author has several other books on writing and I have a copy of “Writing Down the Bones” as well to study. I was also trying some other writing books. All good, all helpful, but I think one writing book at a time (not counting books that are just full of writing prompts—those are good support but they aren’t “study” or “assignment” books, at least in my opinion) is how I need to go. I’m thinking after I finish the work in “The Artist’s Way” I am going to work through her book about writing for weight loss. I have a feeling there will be gold in them there hills.

I suppose I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself though, I’m still working through this book and I have five weeks of work left to do.

One of the assignments is to work with five of the recommended affirmations she suggests. I totally forgot about them for this week, along with everything else I forgot. I’m thinking I’m going to type them out here so I can see which ones “feel” the best.

FYI when she talks about “God” she means it as the energy of the universe or whichever deity to you believe in.

I am a talented person.

I have a right to be an artist.

Creativity is a blessing I accept.

My creativity blesses others.

My creativity is appreciated.

I now treat myself and my creativity more gently.

I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

I accept hope.

I now act affirmatively.

I now accept creative recovery.

I now act affirmatively.

I now allow myself to heal.

I now accept God’s help unfolding my life.

I now believe God loves artists.

I think the five that are going to be the most important to me are:

1. I now allow myself to heal.

2. I now accept creative recovery.

3. I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

4. My creativity is appreciated.

5. I have a right to be an artist.

Yeah, those are the things that hit me the deepest and I know when you’re working with affirmations that they have to be the things that strike you or they won’t make a difference in your mindset--which is the whole point.

I’ll need to remember to say these or write these a few times a day throughout the week and hopefully that won’t be too hard. It is usually easier for me to keep up with the things I post online than any other things I’ve tried. It’s not perfect, but I don’t think anything really is.

It feels good to be writing again even though it also feels like pulling teeth. That probably seems a little like an oxymoron or something, but I don’t know how else to describe the riot going on in me.

I’ve spent the weekend being fairly productive which feels good. I did finish a book which was great and the art thing yesterday was just so, so good for my soul. I really am going to have to do stuff like that more often because I deeply needed it. I’m hoping that I don’t have to go to an art studio type thing to get that same feeling. I’m kind of hoping that closing myself off in my room or chilling alone in the backyard with the dog and some watercolors might do the same thing for me. Art instruction is invaluable but I feel like YouTube videos could give me enough for what I want to do which is basically feel vaguely creative and quiet. That’s a lot cheaper, lol. It’s not that I want to be stingy with the money I put into taking care of my “inner artist,” it’s just that I want to take better care of my finances overall. And there has to be a way to balance those things.

Today has been lovely. I slept late and puttered around. I watched a few episodes of Orphan Black and helped dad go over a few medical things. Now, I’m watching Hallmark Christmas movies (I’m on my second for the evening). These movies really do make me feel joyful. I won’t swear that I won’t watch one more before I go to bed tonight. I get sleep in later tomorrow because I’m not going in until 10. I’m doing my first book club and a write-in tomorrow evening so since I’m going to stay later than usual, I don’t have to be in as early. I’ll need a shower in the morning and I probably should walk the dog, poor thing.

I’m so nervous for my book club tomorrow which is dumb because my friends are coming to support me and it’ll all be totally fine. I have some questions to ask to help keep the conversation going if needed. I know I’ll be tempted to just talk to my friends about their lives, lol. Unless of course other people show up. If other people show up then it’ll probably be easier not to just talk about people’s lives but at the same time, OH GOD WHAT IF OTHER PEOPLE SHOW UP???!! Like I know that is the point, but GOOD GOD THAT’S TERRIFYING. I mean, I guess I am hoping for that so that my friends don’t have to always come to my book club forever until the end of time, but I’m still nervous.

I have an event about housing a few weeks and I’ll probably get a little nervous about that but I won’t get worked up about it because it isn’t as personal. I think it’s an important thing to do and I think it’s something beneficial for the people in my library, but I’m not going to be personally upset if no one comes. Of course, I might be singing a different tune next month!

I hope things go well tomorrow. I really want to be great at the library. I want to do good things and start programs that people enjoy and/or find useful. I want to be good at the job. I want my place there to matter. Wish me luck for tomorrow!