I need sleep

I’m probably going to make a slight adjustment to my daily goals. I’m probably going to cut the writing time to 30-35 minutes. I’ll probably still write for a combined total of an hour, but my brain is like stressing over the 60 minute thing for some reason. I also want to add 10 - 15 minutes of meditation because I'm was really needing it today and as soon as I spent 10 minutes being quiet, I felt a great deal better. That would mean my total goal spending time would be 2 hours which my brain just really likes. Apparently any more than that and it start to feel like I can’t handle anything at all and I should just watch four episodes of “Death in Paradise” and go to bed. 

I’m super tired again today unfortunately. Monday night and Tuesday night were both spent up late because of *the situation* and getting my feelings on that out. Then today on my way home from work, about a 37 second drive from my house, I hit a drainage thing and my tire burst. Poor tire. I thought I would be there a while. The roadside people said I had to stay with my car and while it takes no time to drive to my house, I didn’t feel good about walking home and walking back in time not to miss the help people. But then two of my neighbors helped me. Swapped my tire out and sent me on my way. I felt a bit bad about canceling the help people but they were going going to be a bit longer and my neighbors had it taken care of before I could even really protest. Both of them had arm muscles bigger around than my head and one of them lived so close I could hit his house with a paper airplane (the other lives close enough to me that I could hit his house with a paper airplane from my driveway or my upstairs bedroom window) and he had a hydraulic - think that’s what it’s called - lift so it was seconds of a couple of lever pulls for me to have my car up. They took turns with the lug nuts and the donuts and I was set in no time. 

I had a pretty productive day overall. I did reading for self improvement and writing. I did do reading for fun (well, I listened to a book while I walked the dog, but I totes count that). I did exercise by walking the dog a little over a mile. I got stuff for my actual job done at work today. Obviously I’m working on writing. 

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to work in editing though and I’m not sure that I should. As off as my head has been the last couple of days and as tired as I am right now, I don’t think I can be an effective editor. 

I think the list I made is a pretty good one and I am tweaking it a little and probably will as I go along and as much as I want to truly create good new habits, I feel like editing is the one thing I can’t do when I’m tired. Writing can be edited - I can make what I wanted to write clear enough to figure out later even when I’m exhausted. I’m not saying anyone else would understand what I was going for but I would know so it’s not a problem to write sloppily (as long as it isn't total gibberish which has only happened a couple of times in cases of extreme exhaustion combined with insobriety). I can walk the dog even when I’m tired partly because she keeps me on my toes the little shit. I guess I could fall asleep meditating but I wouldn’t be the first or last person to do that today and I may still be able to reap some of the benefits even if I slip off at some point. Reading can be a bit of a challenge. I probably only read half of what I would read when I’m rested if I’m reading when I’m really tired, but I am still making progress. 

But editing man, editing requires good reading and clear writing and focus - it’s like an exercise all my other goals put together and I don’t think I’m going to be able to cut it tonight as far as editing goes. 

I want to be okay with this but I don’t want to become okay with not meeting my goals so I’m struggling a little. 

However, I can’t remember if I said - I think I mentioned the concept at least - but one of the goal rules I read somewhere was to chunk goals down and if you didn’t meet one goal you had to add that goal to the next set - so you had to get those lingering things plus the entirety of the next set. 

I think that’s what I’ll do here. I’m going to save editing for tomorrow. I can barely hold my eyes open and even when they are open, they’re watery, but feeling dry and aggravated, and blurry. 

So yeah. I’m calling it a night. <3