float_on_alright: procrastination is hard work (procrastination is hard work)
I feel great about everything I got done yesterday and I feel pretty good about what I accomplished today. It helps that work was fairly quiet the last two days. I only have 8 work days left until we get laid off for the “summer”. I’ll be “unemployed” for 6 weeks about. I’m both nervous about not working (I worked the summer weeks the last couple of years) and incredibly excited. I know I've mentioned this in the past but since it’s super close now, it’s real in a way it wasn’t previously. 

I’ll need to clean up my desk but there won’t be a whole lot to that and I can do that next week. This week the managers are in a meeting in Chicago for several days so I don’t have to worry about my manager coming up behind me and asking questions about what I’m doing. Cleaning one's desk of old paperwork and organizing for when we come back from the summer is a perfectly acceptable thing to do on company time. Not that they’ll really breathe down my neck next week much. Not many people will still have schools in. I'll have a couple but most of mine are finishing up some time this week. 

I’m rambling. I did get a good chunk of editing done today which was great. I read a book I’d been meaning to read that was due ano that couldn’t be renewed (someone else had it on hold) so that was great. Emily and I walked this morning which was also really nice. 

So here’s where I’m running into trouble. I’m in these two online courses/workshops right now and they’re great but I’ve hit panic mode a little bit. I think my brain is doing a bit of self-sabotaging.

For one class, I need to produce a unique piece each week to have workshopped. It can be a blog post, a personal essay, a short story, a poem, or a chapter in a book but it’s due by Friday so that other people can have the opportunity to review and comment on it. I am looking forward to this. Next, that same course is also sponsoring a writing contest - the story needs to be written and posted by next Monday. It will be workshopped as well. Then we get to edit it and submit it by the 19th (or something like that). So you see, I have a piece due Friday, a piece due Monday, and some reviews today. 

Now for the other class - it’s a class about submitting work to Literary Magazines (contests and grant writing type stuff too but mainly Literary Magazines). I’ve been going along doing my homework like a good little girl but here’s where I’ve gotten stuck. I need to have a piece that’s ready to be prepared for submission. That doesn’t mean it has to be perfect or anything, but it does mean that I have to have something to work on and I need to do that this week. 

So I’m assuming you're starting to see how and why I’m feeling a little panicky. I do have some things written but most of them have a) already been submitted to a contest, 2) meant for my website once I get it up so that I have some posts to get me started, 3) something I consider terrible or just don’t like. With the exception of maybe one flash fiction piece. I’m just not sure about finding a place for it. Especially since it’s just a cute, silly story, and it takes place during winter. I just… I know there are loads of journals that accept flash fiction, but I don’t know. I may ask one of my friends to read it and see what they think. I hate to sound so needy but this is all feeling a little overwhelming. And of course if that thing doesn't work, I HAVE TO WRITE ANOTHER STORY. 

I should mention that I do at least have a rough draft to submit for the story contest so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. Of course the thing with that story is that I like it but I’m not sure that I’ve really adhered to the prompt. We had several to choose from and I liked the one I picked a lot and I do like what I’ve written, but again I’m not sure that it fulfills the prompt. At the same time, there’s a limit of 1000 words for the story and if I were going to do everything I wanted to do, I’d probably end up with twice that. Not that I’d really need twice that, I’d just be having fun writing. I can get a little repetitive, I know this and I’m working on it. 

I do have what could be the first chapter in a novel or novella written. The problem is I don’t have much of anything else for the story planned. The chapter itself came about by accident and I don’t know about submitting a chapter of a book I don’t know if I’ll write more of. At the same time, if it’s a start I might be able to make something of it. I mean, I feel a little lost when it comes to plotting things so that’s something I’ve been wanting to work on anyway so maybe this is the chance. I am a little nervous about submitting something to a group that has a lesbian as a main character though just because I don’t know anything about any of these people. At the same time, the world isn’t really queer friendly on a whole and I already know I want to write queer literature (emphasis on the queer, take “literature” with a grain of salt or just a whole canister) and I’m going to have to face whatever issues come with that eventually. 

I may need to rename her - the main character in that not quite “chapter”. I’m not sure her name works. I’ll have to think on that too. 

I’m going to have to start writing a story every other day so that I have enough to go around!

Friday night I’m going with a couple of the girls from work to see Wonder Woman and probably have dinner. I’m looking forward to it, but since my story has to be posted by midnight, I will need have whatever I’m submitting to them posted before I go so the movie. The managers will be back by then and we’re having a cookout so I have no idea what that day will be like. I may have plenty of time to work on these things, I may have none so I probably really need to post it by Thursday, just to be safe. 

I know I’m just scared. I know I’m just worried that other people will be better than me. There will always be people out there better than me in some way or another. That’s the way the world works. And even if you’re on top for a while, there will always be someone who comes along to beat your record. That’s not only how the world works, but how it’s supposed to work. Expansion and growth and invention are a natural part of the world’s cycle. And just because someone else is better doesn’t mean there isn’t room for me too. 

I needed to get some of this out because it was blocking me a little. I think I can approach things a little more calmly and rationally now. Wish me luck!

float_on_alright: don't ruin my story with your logic (keep your logic out of my stories)
I was doing so well with my goals over all until this past week. Looking for motivation was like hitting a brick wall or something. I just kept bouncing off something in my mind when I went to be productive. I did eventually get a good bit done but it was tooth and nails fighting. Part of it, I’m sure, was that personal stuff going on (tire, etcetera), and part of it was likely all the rain. I don’t do well with days on end of clouds and rain. I could’ve been a little burned out - there’s been a lot of pressure at work and a lot of feeling like the effort I’m putting into my job right now isn't really going anywhere (not necessarily true, but definitely how I’m feeling) and I know that will put a damper on putting work into “extra stuff” - aka the stuff I’m not currently being paid to do. 

But I think I may have also set the wrong goals or at least set my goals in the wrong way. 

When I first started writing again this February my goals were something like:

Write 500 words
Spend 30 minutes doing productive things that are not reading or writing a day and some days that should be exercise. 

And that worked really, really well. I added and morphed as I went along but I’m still basically in that same kind of mode I think. 

The good thing about that structure was it let me work on whatever project was what I either most needed or most wanted to work on that day. I wasn’t, for lack of a better word, trying to micromanage myself. I didn’t realize you could do such a thing - micromanage yourself - but as it turns out, you can and I did my very best. Unfortunately, I don’t do well with micromanagement so does that mean I’m back to the drawing board on my new goals? 

Well, yes, I think so. Maybe reverting back to previous standards might be a good way to put it. But I do want to also keep in mind that there are two things happening right now… maybe three? Maybe a trillion? Anyway…

First, I am giving up the copywriting thing and seeing if I can get my money back. That was part of deal within a year if I decided it wasn’t for me that I could get my money back so I am working on that now. It sounded like a great idea but the more I get into it the more I feel like it’s pulling me away from my actual goal which is to write fiction and get paid for it. While advertisements and sales letters take smarts, creativity, and work, it’s not my ultimate goal and if I learned anything from spending time learning American Sign Language, it’s that if I dedicate my spare time away from my job on something other than my main goals, I tend to end up either frustrated, bored, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, generally unhappy, or some combination thereof. It would be a really cool thing to do and learn and make money off of but the more I split my time and attention the less I’ll move forward on any particular thing. Then I’ll feel scattered and useless. Then I’ll get depressed. And I’ll be exhausted from the scattered effort and then I’ll get anxious about not being good enough and then I’ll get tired and more depressed. So, sorry copywriting. Maybe we’ll reevaluate at a later date. 

Second, I applied for a mentor program. Rebby has always been such a wonderful person but I’ve asked her to be friend, beta, and mentor and she’s always tried to help but I know she has massive goals of her own right now and while I hope and will endeavor to make sure that we continue to be these things to each other, I hope that finding another mentor will help make our writing relationship better. Plus, I think another perspective is a great idea. There are only so many slots available for this free program so I’m not guaranteed to get it. 

Third, I’ve signed up for a course call Lit Mag Love about submitting to literary magazines. It includes finding good fit magazines, how to write cover letters, and information that editors are looking for all which I think will be tremendously helpful. It will also involve six weeks of accountability and peer feedback. As I’ve been such a coward about going for trying to get published etcetera I think it would be so good for me. There’s also part of the program for working on setting up a submission system and I’ve read so so so much about how success is based more on good systems than literally anything else so I can’t help but be drawn to this. Plus I think I kind of love systems - at least in personal cases. I didn’t realize that this was a thing with me until recently, but there you go. 

So new weekly goals will revolve around completing course assignments and meeting with peer groups, course leaders, and any mentors that I get. Then each day I’ll need to decide what the priorities are. I still need to make sure that I’m writing or doing work for writing every day and I still want to exercise every day. But I am going to let my energy levels and focus do a little more guiding again in what I accomplish each day. 

And also, if there is anything that I am saving for the last minute, I’m going to really dig into why I’m putting it off. Is it because I’m scared of failure and success like I am with establishing my website or is it because I really just don’t have real interest in the project and it’s taking away from the things I am genuinely giddy over like copywriting? Because those two things need to be handled very differently. 

Thanks for being on this journey with me. 


float_on_alright: never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburts you're a pink starburst (never let anyone treat you like a yellow)
 
Since I’ve finished Wynonna Earp and my Mrs. Claus stories (Reb has kindly looked through my Mrs. Claus so it’s still in the editing process) I haven’t been sure what I wanted to work on next. I picked up working on a creepy story I started while I was working on the StoryADay challenge - it was one of the ones I liked the concept of from stories I wrote or started during those days. I have a little more written in it since I started it but it’s a creepy topic/story to me and since I’m holding down the fort with just the dog, I don’t want to work on that after dark. It’s one thing to work on it when it’s sunny and warm, but not this close to dark. 

So I don’t feel good working on that tonight since I’ll end up giving myself nightmares. I mean I’m hoping it means I’m writing a good story if I’m giving myself the creeps writing it. 

Does Stephen King get creeped out by his own stories, I wonder? I should read his “On Writing” book again. My mom actually bought that book for me when I was about 13 - 14 and I started talking about wanting to be a writer. She's such a good momma. Especially considering I’m pretty sure she hates Stephen King.

Not the point. I have a short romance story I really like but it’s super short and I don’t think it would be good for submitting to the Writer’s Market Competition. I would like to submit something to that but I am just not sure what I would want to send in. Maybe the horror story if I can finish and edit it in time. It’s due by something like the 30 or 31st of May so I don’t have a lot of time left. But I’m also trying to face my fears as far as submission and possible publication so it’s important for me to keep working forward. 

I do wanna say I had a wonderful day today. I spent several hours in the sun today - the pools had a party for kicking off the summer pool months and for the renovations at the clubhouse and clubhouse pool that I went to. They had a lot of fun games for the kids (not that adults weren’t allowed to play too - they were). They had a MC and everything. He played some good music and the games for the kids were pretty clever. I bet the parents were glad of the games because I’d bet money those kids were worn out after that afternoon at the pool. I spent 3 hours and change there. The sun always leaves me feeling a little drowsy. The dog and I also did a couple of hundredths shy of a mile and a half walking today which was fun. But meant more time in the sun. Basically, I’m sunburned and sleepy. Lol. 

Plus I was woken up several times this morning high was okay the second time but I was a little annoyed about the first. I did wanna say goodbye to my folks before they went off on their road trip, but they woke me up and it was almost 30 minutes before they actually left after that and they wanted me to help with stuff. I probably still would’ve gone back to sleep after that, but I got back in bed only to hear them come back because they’d forgotten something and since that was like the third time I’d been hauled out of bed I figured I’d just get up. It was still a nice morning. I watched an NCISLA and at breakfast before heading to the pool around noon. 

The pool was great as I mentioned. I did spend like an hour just surfing Facebook which I think I may have needed to spend most of today just unwinding. I feel like Facebook is such a waste of time but I was watching some funny videos and a couple of sweet ones so it wasn't just memes about people's political opinions and I have been working hard lately. I need to do better with the job I'm currently paid to do so that it will continue to take care of me until such time as I figure out how to make money writing. 

Anyway, I'm worn out. I've got a big to-do list for tomorrow so I had better get some sleep. Peace. 

float_on_alright: procrastination is hard work (procrastination is hard work)

I’m reading “The Artist’s Way” right now, well I just started it really. One of the things she’s mentions is “morning pages” - three handwritten pages every morning to help get your shit out of your way at the beginning of the day (or at least that’s what it sounds like from what I’ve read so far which again hasn’t been much). I find that idea intriguing and I'm looking forward to seeing what other things she has in store. She recommends reading the book through once before you get started with the activities. I have a copy checked out from the library but I found a copy on ThriftBooks and it’s currently on it’s way to me. I’m hopeful that it will arrive today in the mail so that it will be there when I get home tomorrow. But it isn't a big deal if it takes a few more days for that book and the other couple of books I ordered to get to me especially since I have the library book for a few more days. 

Intellectually, I know that the more you work on being creative, the more you practice being creative, the more easily creativity will happen and flow. But I think my subconscious has been terrified that I’ll “use up” all my creativity and that it will be gone and I’ll have nothing left and then I’ll be empty and it’ll kill me - not in the literal sense, but that I’ll be a husk with no real person left in me. That's not how creativity works. 

When I was writing consistently, 90% less writer’s block than when I was just writing when it struck me. Writing stories begets writing stories. The more that with people about writing and the stories, the more story ideas I had - so many I could rarely keep up with them. I have experience that says I’ll be a more productive writer the more that I write so how it is I still have that fear, I’m not sure. I’m thinking that maybe it’s because I’ve never addressed the fear itself - not head on. Or maybe it’s a fear that will always be something I have to face head on, day after day. And maybe that’s okay. Afterall, the only way to face that fear every day is to write every day. So, here I go, Day 6, to write another story. 


float_on_alright: our ship is a yacht (yacht)
 
I need to write my story for today but I haven’t gotten there yet. I’m at the beach again this weekend, which is amazing. I’m so incredibly thankful that I get to be here again this weekend. Mom and I are both here and dad of course too. He’s having trouble with one of his teeth and he’s concerned he’s going to have to have a root canal or something which is stressful. I certainly hope that’s not the case. 

It’s a bit chilly here so I’ve got on my hoodie and a I’ve got a blanket draped over me but I couldn’t resist coming out on our little porch to write for a bit. We’re on the ocean front so while I can hear a few voices floating up from the hot tubs and the pools, mostly I just hear the waves and the breeze. There are a couple of girls (okay, I can’t say 100% that they’re girls from the balcony of a 9th floor condo but I’m fairly certain) on a blanket on the beach. They’re facing each other and it kind of looks like a picnic date. 

It’s not fair of me to hope, when I see two girls together, that they’re a couple or at least it makes me feel as though I’m devaluing friendship when I do. I don’t ever want to devalue friendship. Real friendship between women is one of the most beautiful and sacred things on this planet and I’d never want to degrade it in any way, it’s just I want to see women romantically and sexually loving women too, in happy, mutual, real life ways. I don’t get to see it in real life often and I just crave that kind of thing in my life. It’s not fair to other women, but there you go. 

The waves are incredibly peaceful and I feel like I could fall asleep in this chair which would be ridiculous because it’s a plastic porch chair you can find a Harris Teeter for $19.99 but I am a bit sleepy, I have had a drink, I am cozy all wrapped in my blanket and hoodie, and the the ocean is quite lulling so there you go. 

I do have to say that I was proud of myself today. I did make a call to my senators about the health care thing. I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I’ll know I did the best I could signing petitions and calling both my senators. I was thankful that all I had to do was leave a quick voicemail for both senators. I was so nervous and speaking with a real person would’ve made that nervousness worse, but it was important that I do it, no matter what the final outcome. 

I’m also proud that I’ve written four stories so far this month. Four. I know that’s not a whole lot or anything and I know I have a lot of days to go but I’ve never had a start to a month like this and it feels amazing. I’ve also been invited to contribute to another person’s personal development blog and I have Wordpress installed on my web domain so I can start the next step in having my very own website - how bout that? I’d like to get it going, then post the first blog post, and THEN write for SHRPA.com and their Medium presence. I don’t, however, want to put off the post so long I don’t do it at all which is tricky. 

I spent more money than my goal. Shopping has been something I’ve used to battle anxiety and depression in the past and with the challenges I’ve been putting myself up to lately, I think my subconscious decided to throw a bit of a fit. Poor thing is a bit scared. I don’t know that it recognizes who I am any more. 

I’d very much like to head to bed, but I still need to write a story. I don’t know what I’m going to write about. Maybe I’ll do my best to get over my shit and write a story about two girls on a late night beach picnic date. 

If I can do something short - maybe just enough to get 1000 words for the night (including this which is a little over 600 at this point) then I’ll head on in to sleep. 

More updates soon. 
 

Sleep

Apr. 29th, 2017 12:17 am
float_on_alright: I have no idea what i'm doing out of bed (no idea what i'm doing out of bed)

I do love being at the beach. Being here though for writing is kind of hard. With three of us in a space of about 600 square feet there’s just no way not to be under someone’s feet or have someone under your feet. Plus I like being near the porch so I can see the ocean or out on the porch and so does everyone else. I mean you certainly don’t want to come all the way down to the beach, make the several hour trip, and then not be near the ocean. Duh. But so does everyone else. Then to make it more fun, there’s only one bedroom so usually mom and I have the beds in the bedroom and Dad sleeps on the Murphy bed in the living room. The living/dining/kitchen areas are all open and connected so you can’t, say, sit at the kitchen table without annoying someone who is sleeping on the Murphy bed. You can’t be in the bedroom without keeping mom awake. I could go on the porch, possibly, but that still means coming past Murphy bed in the dark. 

Granted, no one is in bed yet. I could, I supposed, lock myself in the bedroom at this point but there are two issues I have with that. 1) It’s over looking the parking lot and the open hallway like space where people walk back and forth from there places to the elevators - not scenic, not peaceful. 2) I haven't seen dad in a couple of weeks and I won’t see him for a couple more after this so I’d rather not lock myself away. I know I still need to write. It’s really important. And not just that I write, but that I meet my goals. I’ve done it all week, reached 1000 words every day. It’s been great getting so much work done on Wynonna Earp. It’s basically done. I mean it’ll need to be edited of course and that will mean add some, lose some. But the story is down which feels complete if not precisely finished. 

I love having a story down. 

I need to work on my Mrs. Claus story. I have a basic idea of who she is. She’s a race car driver and she wants to get back into stunts. My problem is plot. Is it enough to show her having to get passed people who think that women, especially an old lady, aren’t professional drivers? Is a commercial stunt the way I want to go? I think it is. I mean, I can’t see her being able to get to racing. I mean in that in it would ruin her cover as the ACTUAL Mrs. Claus and I don’t think I want that for the story. At the very least that’s not what I was thinking I wanted to do with the story. I guess that could very well be a point of plot. The stories are supposed to be Mrs. Claus empowering, I just hadn’t considered the idea of her revealing herself and her husband in the process. 

It could be fun though, I suppose. But then, I think the trouble would  be that since she is a creature steeped in the magical world that there would be some rule made that she was cheating and she’d get kicked out. Although of course, that could be a plot point too. Either fighting the ruling for all magical creatures or creating a special league for them. That could be fun! I’ll definitely have to keep thinking on it. 

I was out late last night for “Wuthering Heights” which was specially re-designed as a ballet. My friend Emily and I went to see it. We enjoyed ourselves immensely although I think mostly because we were together. The ballet was quite good. There was a pre-show too, MAPS I think it was called. It was incredible. It was like visual mediation. I mean the athleticism was incredible, the emotion was vibrate. But watching put me in the kind of mind place that I’m always aiming for when I mediate. Lost in the flow of quiet and inner peacefulness. There was one movement (?) where it was only one person and they danced without any music. It was both disconcerting and amazing. 

We’d gone to dinner first which was delicious. I also drank half a glass of wine. It was so fun. Truly. 

My friend Jay and I are going to do a StoryADay challenge for May that I’m excited to do. Of course, I feel a little stressed and scared too. It’s not easy to write a whole story never mind write a whole story in one day. I’ve been trying to have patience for longer stories, but I also think that writing whole stories all at once will be good practice too. Going through the process of beginning, middle, and end - even if they’re truncated - I think will be great. Plus, I think the pressure on the need to be creative and come up with new story lines - ones I can mostly manage in a day - will be fantastic practice for writing. I can’t remember the last time that I finished a whole story in one day though it may have been when I wrote a little mini perspective peice for Danny Williams from Hawaii 5-0 6 or 7 years ago when the show was still in it’s first season. 

I didn’t get home until like midnight what with dinner and the ballet and all and then I worked half a day and then we drove down to the beach. I am so, so tired. It’s also started to get late because I’m scattered and unfocused. I keep yawning constantly, my eyes are watering, and it’s almost impossible to keep them open. I’m hoping I’m close enough to my goal to call it a night. I can’t keep functioning! I gotta go sleep. 

float_on_alright: claudia wide eyed (claudia the eyes)
 I am super tired this evening. I had a busy day and didn’t leave until late and then I had errands after work and then it was 8 when I sat down to dinner so my “schedule” is off too. I’m getting to the point that I’m really too tired to write with any particular clarity. I almost feel like I’ve been dosed with Benadryl or something. 
 
I’m about 100 words away from my goal for the evening so obviously I’m nearly there but I can barely see the screen for my eyes watering and such. 
 
The good news is that I think I’m closing in on the end of my Wynonna Earp fic. I don’t think I’ll tie everything up in a bow because I like that the idea that there it still more work to do (which feels authentic for the story) since that’s the way TV episodes tend to run. 
 
I honestly don’t even think I’m making sense any more and I have got to be close enough to call it a day, so I’m going to go ahead and pass out. Good luck out there y’all. 
 
float_on_alright: never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburts you're a pink starburst (never let anyone treat you like a yellow)
 
I didn’t get to finish writing about my day yesterday because I was just too worn out! 

So after my lovely walk with the dog, I sat down to my computer and, with the help of Write or Die, I wrote over 1,066 words. My goal for the next week is going to be to write 1,000 words a day every day for the next week. Should be interesting. 

After I wrote my 1,066 words, I made dinner and hung out with the puppy. 

Today has been another good day. It’s raining like a we’re at the bottom of a giant waterfall at the moment but everything is looking incredibly green which is beautiful. I’m sure we’re going to need the rain because summer is coming and for all the thunderstorms we have and the humidity, it’s usually fairly dry here in July and August. Of course that’s so hard on the puppy. She’s very messy so she ends up having to dry off in the kennel a lot which makes her all sad and confused. It also means she doesn’t get a walk which is hard on her too. She tries to be a good girl, poor thing.

I shelved at the library today which was lovely. And my date from yesterday left me a note in a book at the library, which I have to admit is pretty well… swoon-y to a nerd like me. I am annoyed that I left my Wonder Woman tumbler there, LE SIGH. 

I think I did something to tweak a nerve in my arm or shoulder because it’s hurting when I move it certain ways and tingling at others. It’s annoying not to mention painful. It happens every now and then so I’m expecting it to clear out soon. I’d ice it or apply a heating pad or something but I don’t know if either would help and if so which one I should do or where I should apply said thing. I can’t really tell where the issue starts. Annoying. 

Moving on, after the library I went to Target and got a couple of frames for the things I ordered from Redbubble. I’m excited to put them up. I also got some command strips. I need to fix my vision board - I hung it crooked. A little crooked wouldn’t be so bad, but this thing is like uber crooked so I have to fix it at least a little. 

I’m looking forward to taking some time to put up my wall art. Some of it will have to wait until I have more time and I’ll need to get mom in on the action too because I won’t be able to get everything up by myself. 

I had a lovely dinner while watching The Force Awakens with Rebby and now I’m watching last night’s Doctor Who. I love the new companion, Bill. She’s so lovely. And gaaaayyyyy. That makes me so happy. 

My goal for this week is going to be to write at least 1,000 words every day. I have a lot I want to write - a Mrs. Clause story, the rest of my Wynonna Earp fic, a few more blog posts for my website that I’m going to build, a piece for the DragonCon workshop, and maybe something to submit to a Writer’s Market competition. If I’m going to do all that in a reasonable amount of time, I’m going to have to make sure I’m getting chunks of writing done every day. 

Wish me luck!

float_on_alright: live a f y life (live life af)
I'm pretty excited y'all. I had a great day. I went on a date, which was lovely - though I felt more friend type feelings than anything about her. It was wonderful to spend a few hours with another big queer nerd. It was a different experience going on a date with a women. I haven't really dated women. I fooled around with them but dating them always seemed so hard. Navigating figuring out if a women was interested in other women and if so if she was interested in you too was just always so freaking daunting. To have been asked on a date made it a heck of a lot easier for me, obviously. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I'm super thankful to have gotten to do it. Not that it was a super affection date or anything but it was still a date. I'm glad I went. 

After that I came home and had a peaceful walk with the dog. We went for almost a mile and half and I listened to a bit of "You Are a Badass" and a bit of "Think and Grow Rich". I have been struggling with "Think and Grow Rich" because the narrator sounds tiny and distant. It’s also weird because they’re focused on American people and business and the depression as it applied to America and American politics and the author, to the best of my understanding, was American but the narrator has an English accent which is just weird. Most importantly dude bro was a casual racist. Look, I know we’re all a little bit racist because that’s what society has pretty much trained us to be and this guy probably thought he wasn’t racist and comparatively speaking he probably was a pretty progressive dude for the time but it still bothers me when he talks about an “uneducated colored child” defeating her ‘superior’, a “white educated man”. It makes my skin crawl. Then he was talking about an “oriental man”. 

I’m trying to power through it anyway because I think the points he’s going to make about the pursuit of money and the attitude you have to have to become financially successful are likely timeless. I just have to dig through crap to get to it. 

I’m struggling to stay conscious and my eyes keep watering with strain and tiredness so I’m not going to be able to finish this, but hopefully I’ll be able to pretty much pick up where I left off tomorrow. 

Peace. 

float_on_alright: not lazy just energy saving (not lazy just energy saving)

After powering through a sinus headache enough to write a bit, I was trying to erase just a little bit - like half a sentence - and I guess the backspace got locked or something and it ended up deleting like large parts of paragraphs and when I tried to stop it, i moved the cursor and ended up deleting parts of other sentences/paragraphs. I am annoyed, but I know about the retrieval feature on Google Docs now thanks to the Drunken Disaster Of a Random Friday a couple of weeks ago so I know that tomorrow I'll be able to calmly and rationally get back what I need. Or at least enough for me not to go murdering anything. 

I had originally planned to mostly focus on my Wynonna fic tonight and I did add a little to it but I got caught up with an idea for a topic I want to write about for the professional blog/website I will be starting in the next month or so. I didn't want to lose the idea while I had it so I wrote enough that I can dig into it more later and I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I'll forget what I was planning to say since there's enough there to see the point I wanted to make. 

I want to do an updated "life goals" post soon and an mid-April update as well but that will have to be another night. The sinuses have put me in the mindset to go to bed early tonight and get some sleep so sleep I believe I shall. Night y'all. 

float_on_alright: coincidence (circumstances)
Big few days! 

I’m trying to remember everything. My friend and I dubbed yesterday Crazy Thursday. Normally we like alliteration with these things but we just couldn’t think of anything better. 

First, I had a crazy busy day yesterday while most of the rest of my coworkers had almost no work. Fun times. 

Second, I got some texts from a wrong number and I was confused. Someone sent me pictures of a precious little possum! They realized that they’d sent the photos to the wrong person but it was a pleasant surprise to get the photos. 

Third, I got asked on a date! We’re going out next weekend. It’s been like four years so my last date so that’s pretty exciting. I think it’s going to be fun. She seems really cool. 

Fourth… yeah, I don’t know what fourth was. 

I'm pretty sure there was a fourth so I may have to remember that later. 

Today was wonderful though too. Work was mostly quiet and we got to leave at 1pm instead of working the whole day so I am super excited about that. And the favorite cup I couldn’t find turned up so that was wonderful too. I got a little bit of Wynonna done and I have a decent idea of how I want the story to go now so I’m pleased about that too. 

I got an iPhone 7 Plus!!! Rose gold. I am really excited about finding a case for it because of course I am. 

Well, I am worn out and I need to update my goals on writing dot com so I’m out for tonight. Laters!

float_on_alright: we prefer intellectual badass (we prefer intellectual badass)
 
I have had a pretty long day though not at all a bad one. If anything it’s been good. Laughed a lot. Saw good people. Enjoyed some sunshine. Went to communion with mom. Watched a really interesting presentation about blogging and platform building. With lots going on at work, including a 1.5 hour meeting and trying to get to all my schools before they’re off for the next few days, I didn’t have time to do any writing. I did start brainstorming how I want the Wynonna Earp story to flow. I have a few scenes I like but I’m “stuck” trying to find the flow between them and how I want to wrap up the story. Like there’s one scene with Waverly and Nicole which is pretty much my main goal in writing this story… 

Shit. I just realized I am writing the story because I want to have that scene and I just need a few other things in order to get to that scene which means the reason I’m stuck may be because I’ve been trying to write a story that goes from point A to point G when what I really want to write is point C to E. 

This is one of the reasons I love journaling about writing. I know it’s fanfiction and all but writing about the experience of writing seems to clarify a whole lotta shit for me or give me leverage when I’m stuck in the mud.

It’s kind of fascinating, honestly, that writing about writing is so helpful. 

It’s nearly 11:30 now and I’ve got work tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have a busy day. I hope to do more writing tomorrow. I actually got a good chunk written for something I would kind of like to post on Medium yesterday so I feel good about my overall progress for the week. In other good news, it looks like we’re going to get to leave work early on Friday! Woot! Alright, I’m out. 

float_on_alright: not lazy just energy saving (not lazy just energy saving)
 
I didn’t write at all on Friday because I didn’t have time at work and then in the evening I had a friend over and we were doing vision boards. She spent the night and we stayed up so late together that I really couldn’t stay up any later. Yesterday I did write some though I’m annoyed that I didn’t make a better effort to write more. I’ve been avoiding it today too I think. 

I decided that I would go for the writer’s workshop they have at DragonCon which means putting together 2000 - 7000 words of a short story or manuscript and submitting it by August 1st. Assuming that there is room for me (there are only 20 spots if I remember correctly), I have to have something solid put together to submit to a published author and other classmates. There will also be people in the business doing presentations. 

This is so exciting y’all but I’m also pooping my pants. I mean… not literally thankfully, but. 

I’ve been thinking lately (thanks probably to that Badass book) that the reason I haven’t really gone for writing a book is - at least in large part - because I’m afraid to fail at it. If I really go for it and fail, I’ve always believed I would be devastated. The more I think about it though, the more I think, how can I go about my life not going for what I really want? And shit, if I fail, at least I went for it. Yeah, maybe I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t go well but how can I be disappointed in myself if I bust my ass? 

One of the things I read this year was called “The Four Agreements”. It was published a good few years ago - I remember that it was popular back when I was at Borders in like 2009 or 2010 but I didn’t read it then. I still struggled with parts of it because it’s a little more “metaphysical” than I usually go for - crap I think I’ve talked about this before but oh well. The thing about this book is that one of the agreements it says you should make is to always do your best wherever you’re at. I know I’ve talked about this, but my point is that I’ve found a lot of peace in that lately. Do the best you can in any given moment and what more can you ask of yourself?

Plus, every time I get back into writing, the universe seems to through something writing related into my path. I’ve never been much of a “it’s a sign” person, but I think I may be becoming one a little tiny bit. I also think it is time to start taking the opportunities that the universe sends my way. I also think I need to stop hesitating. There is no point at which I’ll be “ready”. There’s no point at which I’ll feel like “it’s the right moment”. I’m going to have to go for it and make every moment, the best possible moment I can. 

It’s hard. I’ve been more productive in the last couple of months than I probably was in all of last year combined but I need to start making more targeted efforts. There are some activities suggested in some of the books I’ve read that I think will help me and I may post them here too like I did for the “Tidying Up” activities. 

float_on_alright: this icon has been distracted by a shiny object so it may be away for a while (distracted by shiny)
 
I’m so freaking excited for tomorrow. One of my really good friends is coming over tomorrow and we’re going to have a girl’s night and make vision boards and have cocktails. I’m so stoked! I’ve been wanting to try out the whole vision board thing for a month or two now. I’ve printed off some pretty things to put on it that I’m excited about too. I’m really gonna enjoy the process and the result I think but the best part of course is that Emily and I will be doing fun things together. We have so much fun at work but it’ll be so nice for it just to be the two of us and for us to enjoy just each other’s company. 
 
I want to go to bed. But I also want to watch more Wynonna Earp. But I need to go to bed. I'd like to write more but I need to shower in the morning and I’ve been busy! I did do some editing, passed another test for my sign language course as well as practice some new signs, read, went to an after work meeting about doing podcasts for books, went to the grocery store, cleaned up a few things for Emily’s visit tomorrow, and made dinner. I’m gonna call it a night I think. 
 
float_on_alright: kate bishop with her head on a desk in exasperation (asdf)
 

I fought sleep for too long last night and while I did sleep in, I didn’t get quite as much as I think I could use so I really need to be headed to bed soon. I sat down a few times throughout the day to do some writing and other than editing last night catastrophes I haven’t written anything. I was productive - my bathroom looks awesome. It got a good decluttering and a deep cleaning. That felt really good. And I learned a little sign language - mostly started practicing counting and the alphabet "song".

I do need to write a “Thank you” letter to Google Drive and the “restore previous version” option because without it I would have lost not only the 500 - 600 words I wrote in my journal last night but also 13 pages of my Wynonna Earp fanfic and I was devastated when I thought I’d lost it. I was absolutely beside myself that all that work was gone especially since that was my second attempt but I had deleted the original version since I’d pulled everything I wanted from it already. The story’s beginning was just starting to flow in a way that I liked it and I’d just written part of a scene that will happen later in the story than everything else I have written so far but that I was excited to get down “on paper”. I didn’t think I was going to be able to rewrite it properly and my heart was just broken.


I know I should probably have copies saved multiple places but I tend to have a difficult time with that when it comes to things I’m actively working on because updating just gets well. When it comes to things like resumes, I am pretty good at backing those up, but again if it’s something I have in progress keeping which version is the most recent straight and which ones need to be updated just tends to mess me up. Well, I guess the point is, thank you Google.


And also, thank God I decided to search to see if there was a way to restore my documents because I could’ve just written it off and I’d be sitting here crying on my keyboard.


We were supposed to have family coming to visit tonight but traffic and conspired to make it so that driving the two hours out of their way to visit us on their way back to Maryland just didn’t work. I told mom that we could go visit them up there over the summer and that we’d just have to work around my unemployment meeting - whenever that is. I don’t think that will be a big deal. It made her so happy and it’ll be a nice a trip.


I think tomorrow I’d like to spend some time working out what my goals for April are going to be. I want to keep writing but I have editing to do so I can post that soulmates story (I have about half of it edited I think, or at least close to it) and I am working on that sign language course and I want to make sure I dedicate a good amount of time to that since it’s self guided but I have to have it completed with the majority of the exams passed within 60 days of starting it (I started it the night before last).


But yeah, I think that’s a tomorrow project. Peace y’all.

float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (get up survive go back to bed)
1) Plan the Wilmington Avengers Adventure (aka going to Wilmington, NC to hang out with my friend Jason and going to see the Avengers). 
Time off - Check

Schedule Coordinated for Traveling - Check-ish

Picking a time and getting tickets - No where near...
2) Get new sheets.

Check!
3) Catalog what comics I have in which series in a way that is mobile so that I don't pick up duplicates. 

Check. 

Bought more comics and added them too. 
4) Start Cataloging my books. 
So far I've added 118 of my books. I've still got a long way to go before I've got all my books, but this is a very good start. 
5) Take the printers and the old cameras to Best Buy to be recycled. 

Check, check. 
6) Write 15,000 words. 

This is going very well. Less than 5,000 words left to go - Woot!
7) Finish at least one story from my [livejournal.com profile] avengers_tables and if possible two as that will complete the table. 

One check, two check, and table? Check!
8) Write a story for [livejournal.com profile] love_bingo

Check! Two done, one is in the editing process and the other is finished, but can't be posted yet (this other story has to be posted first, but it's LONG and editing it is a BITCH). 
9) Get and read my book club book. 

Got the book, check. Reading the book in progress. 

TV Land

Mar. 16th, 2012 10:53 pm
float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (i heart tv)

I have to say that aside from recent breaks (which I'm surprisingly okay with if only because I've been getting so much writing done) TV Land has been very, very kind to me. 

1) Chin/Summer - I realize it was a very, very brief moment between Chin and Summer in the recent episode of The Mentalist, but I squealed my pants off when I watched it. I mean I seriously squee-ed myself. It made me so very happy to see them together. 

2) Walter - I love Walter. Walter is well, Walter is Walter. Further, Walter math is never wrong and if you haven't checked it out, I high recommend that you do. 

3) In Plain Sight is back for its final season. I'm interested to see how they handle this.

4)  Well Ladies and Gents of my mostly imaginary audience, it's happening. That's right, NCIS:LA and H50 are cross-overing (I'm aware that's not a real word, just go with it) with each other.

I can't begin to say how excited I am. Cannot even. 

For your enjoyment! Or mine. Whichever. 









float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)

If you were Data (STNG) would you choose to have the emotion chip? I think that if I didn't know what emotions felt like that there is no question that I would choose the chip. I think everyone would. I think you only need to look as far as the story of Adam and Eve (whether you believe in the bible or not I believe it is an excellent example of the condition of the human mind). They had the choice between continuing in perfection or gaining knowledge of something. They chose knowledge. The question becomes - would you choose to have it removed? And that I can't say I know how to answer. I think I'd definitely choose to turn it off every now and then.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Keep hitting escape)


LORD today - oh Today - you are somethin' else. Lets try again only different this time.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Dear Apple

May. 22nd, 2011 07:53 am
float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Be yourself! Well...)

I recently dropped my iPod nano in some water which subsequently caused the battery to no longer charge. If I plug it into the computer or hook it up to a power source it does still work but that completely voids the reason for having the mp3 player in the first place. I considered getting a new nano but the thing is tiny and i like watching videos on the player and it just didnt seem feasible on this generation of nano (damn you apple) so that was out. I considered the iPod original or whatever it is, but honestly it wasn't much better screenwise. So I broke down and bought the iPod Touch. I've been playing with it and while I wasn't intially sure, I have to say I think I'm really going to like it - I mean here I am leaving work at 8am leaving a livejournal post via an app. With apps for things like LJ and Goodreads along with sport scores and twitter, its hard not to fall a little in love. Also makes emails a hell of a lot easier to keep up with. I mean dang.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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