float_on_alright: smiling (smiling)
I saw my therapist today and talked with her about the bouts of anxiety I’ve had and it was wonderful to talk to her about them. I’ve been telling my mom that I think they’re a good sign, that they mean that I’m working on the right things things - things that matter. She agreed with me. We talked about how anxiety is a normal human emotion and that most of the time it’s not a terrible thing. The problem comes when you spiral into lies your brain makes up and can’t get out of. She had some suggestions for how to deal with them when they happen and it wasn’t about medication for which I was thankful honestly. 

I’ve been watching Pretty Little Liars and I’m pretty sure I’m about to waste my summer binge-ing this show. There are 159 episodes as of a couple of days ago. Granted, six months ago I could've watched the seven seasons on Netflix in two weeks so I figure I’m probably improving life choices wise right? I mean I think I watched 24 hours of Dexter in less than a weekend. 

I did try to read the books, but I couldn’t make it through enough of them to have the plot of the show ruined though I can tell they made some changes. It’s such a drama show, so ridiculously over the top but it’s just the right kind of drama I guess to keep me watching. 

I’m going out with my friend Emily tomorrow to Caitlin’s show and we’re gonna get “pan-Asian food” beforehand and have a few drinks. We’re also supposed to “walk together” again tomorrow morning around 10 am so I’ll have to get up a little earlier than the last few days. I'm thinking I may take a nap afterwards because it is already well after midnight and I have more writing I should really do. 

I may just go to bed after this because I did do my “feedback” workshop homework tonight and that takes a bit of work. I really do try to give helpful feedback that people can actually use which is not a quick thing to do. It takes some pretty careful reading, often a couple of times, and some thought. I kind of like doing it, especially when a story has good bones but has room to grow and flourish. That's the best because you really feel like you’re putting energy into something that’s worth it. The workshop has a lot of good writers. There are quite a few stories that really captured me I’ve found so far. Of course, I’ve also found some stories that I struggled to get through. I know I mentioned it once before, but there was one story that was just totally incomprehensible. There was another that was just sort of “and then and then and then” but I have to say the second draft they posted was significantly better than the first so they obviously did real work and took into account the feedback they were given. 

The contest had a word count limit of 1000 words so I was proud of myself for staying right around 900. I’d really like to try my hand at some flash fiction - some 300 - 500 word stories that actually have some punch to them rather than just a sense of fun. I’ll just have to practice! I probably won’t get a whole lot done tomorrow what with needing to shower and get ready and go out in the evening. We’re meeting up around 5:30 so that means I’ll have to leave here by 4:30 at the latest and the show is set to run from 8pm to 11pm which means I won’t get home until midnight. That means I need a shower and probably a nap before I go out since I won’t get home until midnight - maybe later depending on how long we mingle afterwards. It’ll be fun though. I don’t at all regret deciding to go. 

Okay, I’m a little sad I’m going to miss watching Wynonna Earp live. I’ll admit that. But, if I’m still awake, maybe I can watch the re-air at 1am. And I can definitely sleep all day Saturday if I want. 

I need to try to remember to post the next chapter for the workshop before I go out to dinner tomorrow though because that’s not something I’ll be awake enough to do when I get back. 

Man, I know I said something similar yesterday, but time is SO FREAKING WEIRD. I honestly feel like I’ve been on vacation for a few months, not a few days. It doesn’t feel like I was at work last Friday. It’s surreal to even think. Anyway, I’d better either do some work on my stories or head to bed. 



Rambling

Jun. 22nd, 2017 01:24 am
float_on_alright: lucificer says this is boring and pointless (lucificer says this is boring and pointl)
 

I’ve done a little writing today and managed to do two job applications. I also took a walk this morning “with” my friend Emily (we talked on the phone while we walked around our perspective neighborhoods) which was really fun actually. At work we often take walks in the morning on our break. She and I spend a good bit more time at work being sociable than we should be maybe. But seriously, not seeing each other for more than a couple of days at a time is sort of weird. I mean I know I worked last summer and she didn’t but that seems like … well several years ago if I’m honest. Last summer seems as far away from me as working for iTunes four years ago. Isn’t it strange the way time passes? I can’t believe how quickly this past year went by for the most part. I felt like I blinked and it was gone and at the same time, the last few months feel like they were years ago. Maybe it’s something about having this summer off that makes everything else feel so strange. Being off right now, it almost feels like this was always my life and I just had a weird dream about working the last year.

 

Time is so strange. The last few days have gone by quickly too but in a different way, I think. I thought I might try to make a schedule for myself, but I tend to not follow schedules even when I’m the one that makes them so I don’t figure I’ll bother, at least not at the moment. So far I’ve done a good job at staying productive - even if I’m behind on some of my homework. I did make it to the “office hour” today too which made me happy. They’re having an extra one this week on Friday but in the evening so I don’t think I’ll be able to attend that one. If they still have the one Saturday morning, I might make it up in time for that. Emily and I are going to a performance by one of our other co-workers choir group on Friday evening and then of course there’s Wynonna Earp and any squee-ing that might involve. Last Friday I was so exhausted I barely made it through the episode before I was unconscious.

 

Speaking of Fridays, I think Killjoys is back next week which is lovely. I sure do enjoy Killjoys too. And what a lineup! I think Dutch would love Wynonna.

 

I digress. Not that this really had a point except for that I think I find it a little easier to write my fiction after I’ve rambled for a bit about my real life.

 

I’ve got another busy day lined up tomorrow and hopefully that means I’ll be working on my assignments. Wish me luck y’all.


float_on_alright: apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts (apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts)
Okay maybe not the best medicine if you're a diabetic or you have cancer or something similarly dependent on actual medicine, but really, writing is incredibly therapeutic - at least for me. I always feel better after I do it, especially when it comes to journal/free write type stuff. 
 
I think that's a major point behind "The Artist's Way" of which I have read about 20 pages, but I will read one day! I will! 
 
Ugh, at least once a day, every day, I think about how there are going to be so many books I still want to read when I die. 
 
Okay I’m not that morbid about it. It’s more like “I am never going to be able to read all the books I want to read! Wahhhhh!” like a small child who can’t have ice cream or a grown man whose sports team has lost a championship game. But the struggle is real. 
 
But I digress. 
 
I’m pleased to say that whining and bitching in writing as I did earlier today was very helpful. I have now applied for two jobs and written about 700 words towards a story I’m writing. Which means I have the next thing to post in my workshop AND the start of something for the next week as well as some notes about how I see the book going over all. I discovered a new character (who I think will be sneaky and evil!) and have a flushed out a few ideas. It was fun. 
 
Tomorrow I will hopefully get some feedback responses done for the workshop people and do some diving into my Mrs. Claus story. I know it got rejected by the anthology I wrote it for, but I think if I do a good job on revamping it that I’ll be able to find a place for it eventually. Christmas comes every year and since Hallmark is doing their Christmas in July stuff, it almost sort of comes twice a year so that’s got to do good things for my chances. 
 
There is also the “office hour” (it’s a half an hour) for the Lit Mag Love course in the afternoon and hopefully I’ll remember to go to the video for the “mini writer’s retreat” in the evening. I still need to apply for two more jobs this week as well, but I do have another four days to do that so I’m not too stressed about that. Yay productivity! 
 
float_on_alright: not lazy just energy saving (not lazy just energy saving)

So to qualify for unemployment I have to apply for jobs and I just so don’t want to. I’ve been working pretty hard with all my stories and online classes and errands. I slept pretty late today. I suspect I was a little worn out. I’m not particularly a morning person and I’ve been up late and up at an almost reasonable hour the last few days. I’ve been awake by 9:30 - 10am which I know is not “early” but it can be for me. I usually need a 10 - 12 hour night every now and then and last night seems to have been the night. I’m still sleepy today. It might be the rain too. Rain often makes me kind of sleepy. 

I’ve been terribly unmotivated today. I’m sleepy and lazy and just terribly uninterested in getting anything done. Don’t feel like writing, don’t feel like applying for jobs. I just want to read books and rewatch the new episodes of Wynonna Earp. 

I did two hours at the library today because I had a lot going on this weekend with Father’s Day but since I’m off from work, I might as well make it up. I’ll be able to do next Sunday too but the week after I probably won't be able to do it. And there’s another weekend or two that I’ll have things going on or will be visiting friends out of town. Plus, that’s two hours I can listen to books and ignore people for the most part which was great.

I need to write too. I need to finish this next chapter in my story and figure out where I’m going with the whole thing. I also need to work on my Mrs. Claus story since that’s the only thing I could even begin to use as my story for my Lit Mag Love course. 

Further, I need to provide feedback for my fellow workshop people. *Sigh* I feel like I’ve bitten off far more than I can chew and I just realized I missed a live video I wanted to watch. Argh, I hope it stays up long enough for me to get to view it. 

I feel like sometimes what you really need is a break. Sometimes you make yourself believe you need a break because you want to procrastinate doing something you don't want to do. I know I don’t want to apply for jobs or write or really do much of anything and now I’m stuck trying to figure out if I really need a break like I kind of feel like I do or if I’m just trying to put off something I'm not keen on doing. 

float_on_alright: apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts (apologize in advance as I slowly go nuts)
 

So last night I had every intention of going to bed after I finished writing a big. I went upstairs, brushed my teeth, got into bed… and realized I had woken myself up a bit with the getting read part. So I thought I’d just listen to a bit more of my book Silver Silence by Nalini Singh. It was just after midnight and I figured I’d just listen for a few minutes. But see, the book was really, really good. I’ve been following the series for about five years now. I think the first book was published in 2006 but I didn’t find them until there was a sale on the Audible editions and I came across them by chance.

 

It’s interesting that with this series there were a few I didn’t love and the second most recent was a giant monstrosity that flipped back and forth between nearly every remotely significant character she’d ever written about in the series (that wasn’t dead, obvs) and was basically all these characters we’d been following for fourteen books and innumerable short stories, novellas, and extras having babies or obsessing about babies or thinking of having babies. It was A LOT OF BABIES. Which makes a certain amount of sense really. I mean how you can write romance books that take place over several years in the same “world” and not have at least some of them popping out babies? You can’t is the answer to that. It was hard to focus though because there were just so many perspectives. It was still good, but I was starting to wonder how much longer I was really going to be invested in the series/world - especially since she didn’t really have any gay characters.

 

HAHHHHHH. I stayed up until after 5am last night desperate to get to the end. And while the main characters of course get together and start their lives together, the book still managed to end on one MAJOR cliffhanger and a minor one or two. So I listened to a 16+ hour book in about a day and a half even with all the Father’s Day activities we did yesterday and the writing and editing I’ve been doing and my exhaustion. Obviously, I’m going to be fighting to get my hands on a copy of the next one as early as possible which will still, very likely, be at least a year from now.

 

She also added a couple of gay characters who look like they might get together. There’s a potential - in my opinion - for a whole book. I don’t know how likely it is that she’ll write a whole book about them but I’m crossing every part of my body in hopes of a novella dedicated to them. I mean she’s given them the similar build up to some of her other characters in past books who went on to get their own books but I just don’t want to get my hopes up too high. I’m so excited and thankful that they exist and them being gay is treated totally casually and their interest in each other is treated in a way that’s just so freaking cuuuuuute that I have to say I am ecstatic about things thus far. I would buy seven more copies of this book if it gets me more of these two. God, I loved it when we got a hint of them. They’re not the focus of course and you get lots of information about each of them separately from each other. One of them is a trusted “second” of the main male character who is a changeling (read shapeshifter) bear and the other is the brother of the main female character (who is a powerful psy). The bear is flirting with the psy who is pretending not to be interested (he’s totally blushing and verbally sparing with the bear) and it’s AMAZING.

 

I’m a little stressed about everything I need to do tomorrow - submit my story to the contest, work on my lit mag course work (I’m behind), file for unemployment, take my dad’s car to the shop for him, finish doing laundry, start looking for jobs to apply for to qualify for unemployment, and pick up some books from the library for dad. I feel like I’ve forgotten something which isn’t helping the slight panic attack happening in my chest right now. I’m thinking about going back on the Wellbrutrin for a bit to see if it eases the panic attacks a little. I’d rather not get back on the medication if I can help it. It messed with my period in a way that’s super annoying and I already have PCOS (a hormonal disorder that comes with all kinds of lovely extra risks) so I really hate making that worse. I also feel like I did an amazing job at kicking depression (I totally did) and I feel iike that means I can kick the shit out of the anxiety too.

 

Let me be clear, there is no shame in taking medication. There is nothing wrong with taking medication. But I grew up with a mom who called medicine “third aid” and never gave us medicine unless we were dying (or killing her with our complaints probably). It’s one of those things that just stuck with me. So now I have to decide if my anxiety is killing me (or making me whine enough to make someone else want to give me the medicine) or if this is still treatable in other ways.

 

The other thing about the panic attacks is that they’re also a sort of barometer for my actions. If I’m doing things that are making me scared, it’s because I’m doing things that really matter to me and I’m afraid of succeeding and I’m afraid of failing and I’m totally headed in the right direction. I honestly believe if there isn’t a least a part of me that’s scared of whatever it is that I’m doing, I shouldn’t waste a lot of time on doing it. I want that gauge and I feel like it’s possible I’d lose it on the medication. If the medication is doing it’s job, I really should lose those indicators. It’s complicated against.

 

I’m not sure I’m making any sense any more so, peace and love y’all.

float_on_alright: we prefer intellectual badass (we prefer intellectual badass)
 
It doesn’t yet feel like I’m on vacation. It just feels like another weekend. I haven’t had a summer off since the first year I worked for Scholastic so I have to say I’m feeling a little nervous about the unemployment thing but also really excited to have six weeks of not going into work. I have about 43 days until I have to go back to work I think. I know that it’s going to go by in flash. I know that I will have barely taken a breath before I’m back there again, but at the same time - 43 days. 

I have lots of homework and writing to do and it is still feeling a little overwhelming, but I don’t have a lot going on this week after tomorrow so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get a good chunk done thereby taking off some of that stress. 

I have so, so many things I’m looking forward to this summer not least of all writing though really. I didn’t get as much done this week as I would’ve liked writing wise but I did some good editing and I was exhausted. There’s only so much I can write when I’m really, really tired. I did a lot of reading though and that was very satisfying. I love to read and just hadn’t gotten in enough reading the last couple of months with all the writing and assignments. Reading for editing and reading for pleasure are just such different animals. I enjoy reading to give feedback and edit - I love it, mout of the time, actually. But they’re just so different and while they’re both satisfying in their own way, reading to edit/suggest changes/etc. just doesn't replace reading something that’s just being read for fun. Especially if someone else has done editing so that you have a nice cohesive story. 

I did get to write a little bit today. I’m working on my wolf shifter mystery thing and I got a little done today. It wasn’t easy considering I was still worn out and participating in a bunch of Father’s Day activities. We have some more planned for tomorrow but I should get to sleep in properly tomorrow which I think will be a great help to the situation. My other problem is that I’m listening to a book that I’m just really, really loving. 

Anyway, I’m looking forward to tackling my challenges this summer and hanging out with friends and hopefully a whole lot of reading by the pool! I am still nervous, but I don’t think that’s unusual. Plus I’ve been talking about how it’s good for me to do things that make me nervous and push me outside my comfort zone. Especially with something like this, that should really be fun and rewarding. 

I need to head to bed as much as I want to stay up and either write more or read more or both. Today has been wonderful and tomorrow will be too so long as I’m rested enough to enjoy it! Night y’all. 

float_on_alright: artie researching (research is not for wussies)

I am a walking zombie today. I’ve been juggling so much and pushing up against my own fears so constantly so I’m just driving on fumes. Last night I tried to go to bed early to help me make up the difference and I ended up having crazy dreams and waking up every hour or two all night so I’m even more tired instead. 

I did some editing today. I worked hard on editing and I think the work I did was good work but I do a lot more “cutting of words” than I do adding so it looks like “negative” words instead of positive words on my word count spreadsheet. 

The other problem I’m finding I have is that it is sometimes hard for me to switch between “writer brain” and “editor brain.” They're not the same brain. Or at least not the same mode. 

It’s not hard to go from writer to editor brain, typically, but it’s just editor to writer. I probably need to incorporate writing sprints more often to help me swap my brain function. That may be a tactic I employ over the summer so that I can make sure I’m doing a bit of both on a regular basis. 

I’m in the midst of a panic attack again though I think this one is partly indigestion and part exhaustion and overwhelm. I know most of the overwhelm is “just in my head” but as tired as I am, I’m having a hard time battling my own brain over the subject. 

I part of me is saying “oh don’t worry! You’ll have plenty of time this summer!” And part of me is like, “YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON THIS SUMMER IT’S GONNA BE OVER BEFORE YOU BLINK WHEN ARE YOU GONNA WRITE ALL THIS?” So there’s a lot of rioting going on with me at the moment. 

I’m trying to find a balance between being productive enough and getting enough other leisure. I really ought to give myself a little bit of a pat on the back for working on three stories today, taking a walk, doing line dancing in the afternoon, spending some time writing, and as always reading about writing, editing, and publishing techniques. I cleaned the bathtub today too which was ridiculous. Seriously, I only get like two showers before I have to clean the damn thing again. 

Anyway, I’m heading to bed early. If I don’t write 30,000 words this month, I’m just going to have to forgive myself. 


float_on_alright: yoda says write! (write you must to finish your fic)
 

I wrote another bit of what I hope will be a book eventually today and it came so smoothly and easily. I only wrote about 500 words but I did it in less than 20 minutes so I was really pleased with that. I think I’ll be able to add more tomorrow.

 

It feels good to be writing again though I feel like I’m nearly constantly at the edge of a panic attack these days. Just living with the tightness in my chest that’s hard to breathe around. I’m not living with it constantly but I feel like it does happen every morning on my way to work. There’s this one stop light I come to when I get off the highway and I’m close to work and it’s like the point I wake up on my way to work because I’m basically just driving on autopilot and half a brain cell up to that point. I feel like that’s the point I see the signs of a panic attack. I take deep breaths and just try to recognize that I’m not dying without “fighting” it. A few minutes later I’ll be busy doing the math to figure out if I’ve made it “on time” since you have a small window to still be “on time” if you clock in (for example, 8:05 is 8am by the time/payclock) and my car clock is six minutes fast. Once I get to the “am I late, late or technically on time, late?” stage, I’m usually not feeling too bad.

 

Well, I’m a little behind on my writing goal for the month (goal of 30,000). I should be at 13,000 but I’m only at a little over 11,000 but that’s okay. I needed the break I gave myself. I’m addicted to reading right now which, look I know that I’m always a reader but I go through periods of intense reading and I’m in one of those places right now. In the last week I’ve read or listened to over 1200 pages. And that’s just counting the books and comics I’ve finished - not anything I’m part way through, fanfiction or short stories, or reading to edit.

 

I think it might be the time of year. I mean my schools are shutting down, it’s summer, and I was conditioned in school and in my current job that summer meant reading. This might be a pavlov's bell thing. Or it could just be my own natural reading rhythm which brings these kinds of things up every 3 - 6 months.

 

I’m not sure.

 

Anyway, my POINT is that... Nope, no idea what my point is. Possibly that I’m well ahead on my reading goal for the month and my editing goal for the month so I just need to buckle down and get to work on my writing and such. I’m scared of re-working my Mrs. Clause story but I’m also determined to do it.

 

But no more of that today. It’s my bedtime.

 

Peace.

 


float_on_alright: drink tea and read (drink tea and read)

I’m feeling a little burned out, I think. I know I'm a little disappointed that my Mrs. Claus story didn't get accepted to the anthology BUT she was very nice and I think she's right about why she passed on it. I'm very much considering re-writing the story and submitting it again later. Her submissions are done, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't fit anywhere else eventually if I work on it. 
 
I’m taking today and maybe tomorrow off from writing much because I think I do need a little bit of a break. But this isn’t a “giving up,” this is merely a tactical retreat to regroup, refuel, re-evaluate, and starting planning the next attack, so to speak. If it’s worth getting, it’s worth working hard for. I can improve. I can and I will. 
 
float_on_alright: never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburts you're a pink starburst (never let anyone treat you like a yellow)
I didn’t get a chance to rewatch Wynonna Earp today. I had a massage this morning (amazing) but then I got caught up talking to my massage therapist about Wonder Woman and other fandom and nerdom things so then by the time I left there I was starving. I ate lunch with dad who was watching Chicago Fire. 
 
And then I started working on my homework. One of the requirements of the Summer Writing Contest and the Beginning Writing Workshop is to critique other people’s writing.  I take that sort of thing pretty seriously on a whole. I guess I’ve been involved in writing courses and such for far too long to break that habit now. I mean I started learning “constructive criticism” at age 12 (about 19 years ago). That’s 6 stories to spend time on. I’ve done three. One of the stories was PHENOMENAL, one was okay, one was hard to understand, and one I didn’t review because it was incomprehensible. One or two people had managed to review it though and I decided to let them cover it. If no one else had said anything, I may have tried, but since two other people had already martyred themselves, I decided to honor their sacrifice. 
 
Then it was dinner time! I watched a movie with the folks and then dad and I watched Doctor Who. I thought about putting on Wynonna Earp then, but I hadn’t written yet and I still have homework to do and it just felt like I wasn’t going to be able to give it my proper attention yet and it definitely needs my proper attention. 
 
One of the things I need to write about at the moment is how I’m feeling about my Literary Magazine Course. The course is great so I guess it’s not the course exactly. I’ve gotten to the part where I’m supposed to pick a piece and start preparing it for a literary magazine. I keep looking through all the things I’ve written and I just don’t feel like any of them are literary. And then when I think of writing something new and “literary” my writer’s block slam off access to my creativity like a damn steel door on bank vault so now I’m feeling incredibly stuck. 
 
I know that I need to keep writing AND pick something. And I’m hopeful that I will get there. I’m pretty determined to get there. I’ve had some compliments on the things I’ve posted on the Becoming Writer site so that’s encouraging. I’m pretty happy with the stuff I’ve posted there. I have this first “chapter” written and posted there and I’m just so in love with the main character. She's a cranky bitch werewolf and she’s just… I don’t know. I’m kind of looking forward to torturing her? But seriously, she’s prejudice against humans and doesn't believe she needs anyone really. I think she has the ability to tell when someone is lying so I’m looking forward to playing with that too. 
 
I’ve stayed up way too late. 
 
float_on_alright: claudia wide eyed (claudia the eyes)
Holy Shit!!! What a day! We went to see Wonder Woman after work today - myself and a couple of my coworker bundies. I enjoyed the movie immensely. Of course I knew the moment it started that … I won’t spoil the movie but let’s just say there were a couple of sad things that happened that I just knew were gonna happen. 
 
I did get all choked up at the obviously appropriate places but then I also got choked up at other places too. Like she’s going across battle lines… here she goes into No Man’s Land and directly into the line of a ton of German soldier’s guns including what I’m pretty sure was some sort of .50 caliber machine gun and I’m trying not to cry. She’s obviously not going to die in the scene - it’s not a sad scene but it’s still somehow so glorious, so fantastic, so inspiring to me that I’m ready to cry in semi-public. 
 
Oh man, it was just so wonderful. And Robin Wright was so fucking badass, holy shit omg I loved her so much. They say she may have part - as a flashback or similar - in the Justice League movie and I was already kind of excited about seeing that one because it does look fun so now I’m even more excited. 
 
And Lucy Davis, who plays Etta, stole every scene she was in. She was snarky, she was loyal, she was down for fisticuffs and she knew when something was up and because of that she followed and tried to help by using a sword that she had 0 familiarity with. Her comment about glasses on Diana was PERFECT. 
 
I watched the season two premiere of Wynonna Earp tonight and I’m just… still processing. I don’t even. And just… Yeah, I haven’t got words yet. I’ll probably re-watch it tomorrow when it’s on my iTunes account as I bought the season pass. 
 
float_on_alright: procrastination is hard work (procrastination is hard work)
I feel great about everything I got done yesterday and I feel pretty good about what I accomplished today. It helps that work was fairly quiet the last two days. I only have 8 work days left until we get laid off for the “summer”. I’ll be “unemployed” for 6 weeks about. I’m both nervous about not working (I worked the summer weeks the last couple of years) and incredibly excited. I know I've mentioned this in the past but since it’s super close now, it’s real in a way it wasn’t previously. 

I’ll need to clean up my desk but there won’t be a whole lot to that and I can do that next week. This week the managers are in a meeting in Chicago for several days so I don’t have to worry about my manager coming up behind me and asking questions about what I’m doing. Cleaning one's desk of old paperwork and organizing for when we come back from the summer is a perfectly acceptable thing to do on company time. Not that they’ll really breathe down my neck next week much. Not many people will still have schools in. I'll have a couple but most of mine are finishing up some time this week. 

I’m rambling. I did get a good chunk of editing done today which was great. I read a book I’d been meaning to read that was due ano that couldn’t be renewed (someone else had it on hold) so that was great. Emily and I walked this morning which was also really nice. 

So here’s where I’m running into trouble. I’m in these two online courses/workshops right now and they’re great but I’ve hit panic mode a little bit. I think my brain is doing a bit of self-sabotaging.

For one class, I need to produce a unique piece each week to have workshopped. It can be a blog post, a personal essay, a short story, a poem, or a chapter in a book but it’s due by Friday so that other people can have the opportunity to review and comment on it. I am looking forward to this. Next, that same course is also sponsoring a writing contest - the story needs to be written and posted by next Monday. It will be workshopped as well. Then we get to edit it and submit it by the 19th (or something like that). So you see, I have a piece due Friday, a piece due Monday, and some reviews today. 

Now for the other class - it’s a class about submitting work to Literary Magazines (contests and grant writing type stuff too but mainly Literary Magazines). I’ve been going along doing my homework like a good little girl but here’s where I’ve gotten stuck. I need to have a piece that’s ready to be prepared for submission. That doesn’t mean it has to be perfect or anything, but it does mean that I have to have something to work on and I need to do that this week. 

So I’m assuming you're starting to see how and why I’m feeling a little panicky. I do have some things written but most of them have a) already been submitted to a contest, 2) meant for my website once I get it up so that I have some posts to get me started, 3) something I consider terrible or just don’t like. With the exception of maybe one flash fiction piece. I’m just not sure about finding a place for it. Especially since it’s just a cute, silly story, and it takes place during winter. I just… I know there are loads of journals that accept flash fiction, but I don’t know. I may ask one of my friends to read it and see what they think. I hate to sound so needy but this is all feeling a little overwhelming. And of course if that thing doesn't work, I HAVE TO WRITE ANOTHER STORY. 

I should mention that I do at least have a rough draft to submit for the story contest so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. Of course the thing with that story is that I like it but I’m not sure that I’ve really adhered to the prompt. We had several to choose from and I liked the one I picked a lot and I do like what I’ve written, but again I’m not sure that it fulfills the prompt. At the same time, there’s a limit of 1000 words for the story and if I were going to do everything I wanted to do, I’d probably end up with twice that. Not that I’d really need twice that, I’d just be having fun writing. I can get a little repetitive, I know this and I’m working on it. 

I do have what could be the first chapter in a novel or novella written. The problem is I don’t have much of anything else for the story planned. The chapter itself came about by accident and I don’t know about submitting a chapter of a book I don’t know if I’ll write more of. At the same time, if it’s a start I might be able to make something of it. I mean, I feel a little lost when it comes to plotting things so that’s something I’ve been wanting to work on anyway so maybe this is the chance. I am a little nervous about submitting something to a group that has a lesbian as a main character though just because I don’t know anything about any of these people. At the same time, the world isn’t really queer friendly on a whole and I already know I want to write queer literature (emphasis on the queer, take “literature” with a grain of salt or just a whole canister) and I’m going to have to face whatever issues come with that eventually. 

I may need to rename her - the main character in that not quite “chapter”. I’m not sure her name works. I’ll have to think on that too. 

I’m going to have to start writing a story every other day so that I have enough to go around!

Friday night I’m going with a couple of the girls from work to see Wonder Woman and probably have dinner. I’m looking forward to it, but since my story has to be posted by midnight, I will need have whatever I’m submitting to them posted before I go so the movie. The managers will be back by then and we’re having a cookout so I have no idea what that day will be like. I may have plenty of time to work on these things, I may have none so I probably really need to post it by Thursday, just to be safe. 

I know I’m just scared. I know I’m just worried that other people will be better than me. There will always be people out there better than me in some way or another. That’s the way the world works. And even if you’re on top for a while, there will always be someone who comes along to beat your record. That’s not only how the world works, but how it’s supposed to work. Expansion and growth and invention are a natural part of the world’s cycle. And just because someone else is better doesn’t mean there isn’t room for me too. 

I needed to get some of this out because it was blocking me a little. I think I can approach things a little more calmly and rationally now. Wish me luck!

float_on_alright: thor knocked over after jane hit him with the truck for the 2nd time (might thor ooops)

I was researching literary magazines today for my Lit Mag Love course which was kind of fun. In my adventures of writing and contests, I came across another contest that I loved the sound of. There was an entry fee (not uncommon) but there were different levels. At one level you could get access to a publisher’s feedback so I thought… well, that might be worth a shot. So, I sign up, I pay my fee and low and behold, not only is it a contest as I mentioned with feedback as promised it’s also a six week course that includes submitting a piece of work to those also in the group every week - or something like that. I was sort of confused. I woke up fairly early today so I could do the office hours for the Lit Mag Love group and so Dad and I could go to the pool for a bit (which was lovely) so I was still pretty sleepy. 

So yeah. I’ve managed to sign myself up for more homework. 

It’s okay though. It’ll be good practice, good motivation, and force me to come up with new stories and characters. 

The next few weeks are going to be crazy. The Lit Mag Love is a 6 week course that started last Monday. This other thing is a 6 week commitment - if I’m not mistaken - that I’ve started today. I still need to put something together for my DragonCon workshop. I’m hoping all this other stuff is going to help me with that though. 

Right, well, I've had a pretty busy day and I’m bushed. Not to mention, I have a shit ton I’m aiming to do this month. I need my rest. Wish me luck y’all!

Oh well.

Jun. 3rd, 2017 12:50 am
float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)
 Well I got a chunk of editing to done today which I’m excited about. I set my goals for the month which I’m excited about. They're outrageous of course. I mean, why not? I’m a little behind on my writing words already but again, I’m about to have a good amount of time off from work and I want to make sure that I use my time for these important projects not just for lazing around though there will be a good bit of that too. 
 
Nope, can’t hold my eyes open. Night y’all. 
 

May report

Jun. 1st, 2017 11:22 pm
float_on_alright: dean headache must be thursday (must be thursday)
I’m really pleased about my overall success for May when it came to my writing projects. I’m still a little behind on my editing and I have some homework to do for my “Lit Mag Love” course. I wanted to work on that more this week at work, but unfortunately I had a good bit of work to do and for some reason I couldn’t get on the course site at work. I found that really strange. I mean, they don’t block Facebook, livejournal, dreamwidth, or anything else I’ve come across so far so I have have a hard time understanding why that one would be off limits. The only I can come up with has to do with the website being out of Canada. Chrome says it’s a DNS error. I tried a few things it suggested but no dice. It’s just really strange. 

Anyway, on to other things. I'm also really proud of myself for working on getting past my submission issues. I’ve submitted one story to an anthology which I did earlier this week and then today I submitted a story to a writing competition because why not try?

I know I’ve talked about anxiety previously and my issues with it. Today I heard my brain start spiraling into the anxiety vortex. So I “thought” to it, “You wanna be scared? Well, I’m going to make you submit a story to that writing competition you’ve been eyeing for months. How ‘bout that? I’ll give you something to be scared of!” And then I laughed because two things happened. One, I thought of those times when dad said something like “Are you crying? If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to give you something to cry about!” That didn't make any sense at the time, but it actually worked for the most part in stopping my brain in its tracks. I don’t know if I sort of startled it out of the cycle (I really hadn't realized what was about to think to myself) or if this is something I’ll be able to employ at other times that my brain has tried to overthrow me trying to be rational, but you can bet your ass I’ll be trying it again when I can. 

I’m pretty worn out tonight. I rushed to finish and edit the story I submitted and I’ve had some other projects too. My parents got home today from their trek out west so I spent some time with them. I was thankful that someone else had  walked her by the time I got home. Seriously that was a huge relief. 

I’m not sure what I want to write next but I know I need to have something on hand so I can start submitting to literary magazines here shortly. I can’t submit if I don’t have anything written. I may have to retry that “Story a Day” challenge for a little while until something really pulls me in. I can stop once I have something that I really want to explore as a story and then pick up again once I’ve finished something. 

I wish I was awake enough to write a little more but considering how hard I’ve worked towards submitting today and editing, I’m going to give myself a break. I’d like to still average 1,000 words a day because I think it’s important to keep the volume pretty high. I also need to keep working on what my submission will be for the DragonCon writing workshop that I need to have completed and sent in by August 1st. I need to have it in by July 31st because that’s when I’ll be back at work and I’ll been gone for several weeks at that point so I could have a good bit of stuff to catch up on. 

Okay, I’m falling asleep as I try to type this. Night!

float_on_alright: don't ruin my story with your logic (keep your logic out of my stories)
I was doing so well with my goals over all until this past week. Looking for motivation was like hitting a brick wall or something. I just kept bouncing off something in my mind when I went to be productive. I did eventually get a good bit done but it was tooth and nails fighting. Part of it, I’m sure, was that personal stuff going on (tire, etcetera), and part of it was likely all the rain. I don’t do well with days on end of clouds and rain. I could’ve been a little burned out - there’s been a lot of pressure at work and a lot of feeling like the effort I’m putting into my job right now isn't really going anywhere (not necessarily true, but definitely how I’m feeling) and I know that will put a damper on putting work into “extra stuff” - aka the stuff I’m not currently being paid to do. 

But I think I may have also set the wrong goals or at least set my goals in the wrong way. 

When I first started writing again this February my goals were something like:

Write 500 words
Spend 30 minutes doing productive things that are not reading or writing a day and some days that should be exercise. 

And that worked really, really well. I added and morphed as I went along but I’m still basically in that same kind of mode I think. 

The good thing about that structure was it let me work on whatever project was what I either most needed or most wanted to work on that day. I wasn’t, for lack of a better word, trying to micromanage myself. I didn’t realize you could do such a thing - micromanage yourself - but as it turns out, you can and I did my very best. Unfortunately, I don’t do well with micromanagement so does that mean I’m back to the drawing board on my new goals? 

Well, yes, I think so. Maybe reverting back to previous standards might be a good way to put it. But I do want to also keep in mind that there are two things happening right now… maybe three? Maybe a trillion? Anyway…

First, I am giving up the copywriting thing and seeing if I can get my money back. That was part of deal within a year if I decided it wasn’t for me that I could get my money back so I am working on that now. It sounded like a great idea but the more I get into it the more I feel like it’s pulling me away from my actual goal which is to write fiction and get paid for it. While advertisements and sales letters take smarts, creativity, and work, it’s not my ultimate goal and if I learned anything from spending time learning American Sign Language, it’s that if I dedicate my spare time away from my job on something other than my main goals, I tend to end up either frustrated, bored, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, generally unhappy, or some combination thereof. It would be a really cool thing to do and learn and make money off of but the more I split my time and attention the less I’ll move forward on any particular thing. Then I’ll feel scattered and useless. Then I’ll get depressed. And I’ll be exhausted from the scattered effort and then I’ll get anxious about not being good enough and then I’ll get tired and more depressed. So, sorry copywriting. Maybe we’ll reevaluate at a later date. 

Second, I applied for a mentor program. Rebby has always been such a wonderful person but I’ve asked her to be friend, beta, and mentor and she’s always tried to help but I know she has massive goals of her own right now and while I hope and will endeavor to make sure that we continue to be these things to each other, I hope that finding another mentor will help make our writing relationship better. Plus, I think another perspective is a great idea. There are only so many slots available for this free program so I’m not guaranteed to get it. 

Third, I’ve signed up for a course call Lit Mag Love about submitting to literary magazines. It includes finding good fit magazines, how to write cover letters, and information that editors are looking for all which I think will be tremendously helpful. It will also involve six weeks of accountability and peer feedback. As I’ve been such a coward about going for trying to get published etcetera I think it would be so good for me. There’s also part of the program for working on setting up a submission system and I’ve read so so so much about how success is based more on good systems than literally anything else so I can’t help but be drawn to this. Plus I think I kind of love systems - at least in personal cases. I didn’t realize that this was a thing with me until recently, but there you go. 

So new weekly goals will revolve around completing course assignments and meeting with peer groups, course leaders, and any mentors that I get. Then each day I’ll need to decide what the priorities are. I still need to make sure that I’m writing or doing work for writing every day and I still want to exercise every day. But I am going to let my energy levels and focus do a little more guiding again in what I accomplish each day. 

And also, if there is anything that I am saving for the last minute, I’m going to really dig into why I’m putting it off. Is it because I’m scared of failure and success like I am with establishing my website or is it because I really just don’t have real interest in the project and it’s taking away from the things I am genuinely giddy over like copywriting? Because those two things need to be handled very differently. 

Thanks for being on this journey with me. 


Tires

May. 27th, 2017 12:40 am
float_on_alright: mini clint caught up in wires (hang in there clint)
 
I had a pretty unusual day today - work was short. It was employee appreciation day so they brought us in brunch and we got to play games and leave early. I won’t go into all the details, but our little group playing scattergories and at some point someone was trying to say they were going to use “dung” as a weapon, but they said dong instead and I was crying actual tears and could barely breathe before we moved onto other things so that was really fun. 
 
After work I went to Walmart because I could grocery shop while I got my tires replaced. I would’ve liked to have gone to someone other than Walmart. But with nobody out here with me right now, I can’t leave my car someone and circumstances what they were I just really needed convenient. I had to grocery shop at some point so it made a lot of sense to use my time waiting on my car to do my shopping. They paged me to say my car was done right as I was checking out so the timing was unbelievable. 
 
After that the dog and I walked and it was great because the weather was beautiful and sunny. 
 
Ugh, I can barely hold my eyes open. *Sigh* 
 
float_on_alright: bad health plan (cavaties)
I’m probably going to make a slight adjustment to my daily goals. I’m probably going to cut the writing time to 30-35 minutes. I’ll probably still write for a combined total of an hour, but my brain is like stressing over the 60 minute thing for some reason. I also want to add 10 - 15 minutes of meditation because I'm was really needing it today and as soon as I spent 10 minutes being quiet, I felt a great deal better. That would mean my total goal spending time would be 2 hours which my brain just really likes. Apparently any more than that and it start to feel like I can’t handle anything at all and I should just watch four episodes of “Death in Paradise” and go to bed. 

I’m super tired again today unfortunately. Monday night and Tuesday night were both spent up late because of *the situation* and getting my feelings on that out. Then today on my way home from work, about a 37 second drive from my house, I hit a drainage thing and my tire burst. Poor tire. I thought I would be there a while. The roadside people said I had to stay with my car and while it takes no time to drive to my house, I didn’t feel good about walking home and walking back in time not to miss the help people. But then two of my neighbors helped me. Swapped my tire out and sent me on my way. I felt a bit bad about canceling the help people but they were going going to be a bit longer and my neighbors had it taken care of before I could even really protest. Both of them had arm muscles bigger around than my head and one of them lived so close I could hit his house with a paper airplane (the other lives close enough to me that I could hit his house with a paper airplane from my driveway or my upstairs bedroom window) and he had a hydraulic - think that’s what it’s called - lift so it was seconds of a couple of lever pulls for me to have my car up. They took turns with the lug nuts and the donuts and I was set in no time. 

I had a pretty productive day overall. I did reading for self improvement and writing. I did do reading for fun (well, I listened to a book while I walked the dog, but I totes count that). I did exercise by walking the dog a little over a mile. I got stuff for my actual job done at work today. Obviously I’m working on writing. 

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to work in editing though and I’m not sure that I should. As off as my head has been the last couple of days and as tired as I am right now, I don’t think I can be an effective editor. 

I think the list I made is a pretty good one and I am tweaking it a little and probably will as I go along and as much as I want to truly create good new habits, I feel like editing is the one thing I can’t do when I’m tired. Writing can be edited - I can make what I wanted to write clear enough to figure out later even when I’m exhausted. I’m not saying anyone else would understand what I was going for but I would know so it’s not a problem to write sloppily (as long as it isn't total gibberish which has only happened a couple of times in cases of extreme exhaustion combined with insobriety). I can walk the dog even when I’m tired partly because she keeps me on my toes the little shit. I guess I could fall asleep meditating but I wouldn’t be the first or last person to do that today and I may still be able to reap some of the benefits even if I slip off at some point. Reading can be a bit of a challenge. I probably only read half of what I would read when I’m rested if I’m reading when I’m really tired, but I am still making progress. 

But editing man, editing requires good reading and clear writing and focus - it’s like an exercise all my other goals put together and I don’t think I’m going to be able to cut it tonight as far as editing goes. 

I want to be okay with this but I don’t want to become okay with not meeting my goals so I’m struggling a little. 

However, I can’t remember if I said - I think I mentioned the concept at least - but one of the goal rules I read somewhere was to chunk goals down and if you didn’t meet one goal you had to add that goal to the next set - so you had to get those lingering things plus the entirety of the next set. 

I think that’s what I’ll do here. I’m going to save editing for tomorrow. I can barely hold my eyes open and even when they are open, they’re watery, but feeling dry and aggravated, and blurry. 

So yeah. I’m calling it a night. <3

float_on_alright: I don't have a plot. I have caffeine (I don't have a plot. I have caffeine)

I think one of the things I’d like to do for myself is start making better short term to-do lists. Lists that are more like 24 - 48 hour rather than just weekly and monthly to-do lists. 

I’ve read a lot lately about long term goals and “chunking” them back and then making them non-negotiable. And if you miss one set you have to add them to the next set of goals so that you'd have an even longer list in the next “time period” but you’d stay “on track”. I think having to add whatever you miss to the next section would encourage you to not put off much on your list. I think you have to make sure you’re being practical but I also know that if I give myself a week to do the task I’ll be doing it on Friday. I might do a little of it on Thursday but most of it would get done on Friday. I have a tendency - and I don’t think this is uncommon - to let a task take as long as I’ve given myself to do it. What I should really do is give myself two days to do that task instead of a week.

Part of it might be to say okay if I want to get this list of 10 things done, I need to then assign two a day to myself and that way I don’t get stuck rushing around trying to get all 10 completed on Friday. And honestly if I can complete that much on a Friday then maybe I need to be setting myself bigger goals. 

Of course another thing I’ve been reading about lately is the idea that most people give up at about 40% of what they’re really capable of - less than half of what we’re capable of is what feels like all we can do. I know that there is part of it that we just don’t want to any more. You hear about “the wall” with people who are running marathons - a place where you just feel like you cannot go any further no matter how hard you try - and most runners get past that to finish the race. I read an article that did a study on a recent London marathon and their study suggested that about 21% of the runners in the marathon hit “the wall” but it doesn't talk about anyone not finished. I suppose that isn’t anything conclusive but I can’t help but think about what this says about us as a species. 

Maybe because almost everything we do seems optional? I don’t know. Running isn’t something we do for survival any more. Sure exercise is important and life extending but we in so called modernized countries aren't trying to out run mountain lions so we don't get eaten or chasing down a deer for food (even people who hunt typically do so from hunter’s blinds - or whatever they’re called). 

Okay, I’ve gotten sidetracked I think. 

If I’m stopping at 40% of what I’m capable of, then perhaps my goals should be pushing myself a little harder too. Yes we all need rest but I do feel like I could be doing more than I have been. I’ve made leaps and bounds for sure in the last few months, no question, but that doesn’t mean I should plateau goal wise either. And all my reading suggestions that having a plan for the day makes you way more likely to accomplish goals than if you are just winging it through the day. 

I have a tendency to wing things, but I don’t think it’s serving me. I think it’s time to start being more purposeful about my time and my intentions and goals. 

I have big goals. I want to get to the point that I can support myself writing - a mixture of copywriting and storytelling. But I want “support myself” to mean the freedom of living where I want to live with the people (or the lack of people) I wish. That’s going to mean putting myself out there over and over again. It’s going to be scary and it’s going to be hard. I have a copywriting course of sorts that I’m taking and I’d like to complete most of it before I start submitting anything but as long as I make progress on it every week, I’m okay with it. 

I don’t know how long each of the parts are (I’m not looking at it right now but I think there are 6) - the first one was something like 64 pages and 2 exercises where the second part is something like 134 pages and 2 exercises. I’ve done one exercise as they’re not “do this once you’ve read all the material” so much assigned every so often throughout the material in general. So I think for this particular endeavor I’m going to need to commit to working on it so much each week. Reading or working on exercises for 15 minutes a day - surely I can work that in somewhere. 

Writing, man, writing. I’ve been aiming for 1000 words a day and mostly hitting it but I wonder if I need to dedicate myself to writing for a focused 60 minutes a day. It would probably be better to do two 30 minute sessions because I think that’s usually about where my brain starts to tell me to fuck off. I think if I practice then I can get longer sessions later. I’ve already got writeordie on my computer and iPad that I can use to help with that. It’s really awesome for helping with that. 

I never really have trouble working reading into my schedule - that happens as naturally as breathing if I’m honest. And sometimes stopping reading feels as hard as holding my breath. Even reading the self improvement nonfiction and the writing books are coming very naturally to me right now so I just have to maintain that. I want to make sure at least 15 - 20 minutes of my time is spent reading for the purpose of improving myself or my writing every day. 

I'm doing really well at scheduling time to exercise - I’ve been doing that usually when I first get home from work and that’s going well. The dog will need walks this week so that will definitely keep exercise on my schedule. I’ll need to start working on a system for cutting back on sugar - finding snacks and things that are handy enough or making time to make snacks in advance that will be handy so that when I’m hungry and I need to eat I have something that isn’t a honey bun from the vending machine. God I love honey buns. I don’t think that’s gonna be for a least a day or two because I’d need to gather a couple of recipes and got to the grocery store. And while I will have to go to the grocery store tomorrow… Well, maybe I can look for a few things at work tomorrow so I have a list ready for when I go to the store. That could work. 

Next there’s editing to do. I think I can spend fifteen minutes doing editing a day. If I’m always writing then I’ll always have stuff I can edit. As it stands right now, I have a set of stories from Reb I’m working on and both her Mrs. Claus story and mine. 

I need to spend thirty minutes a week - I think I’ll make it a Sunday appointment - to work on my public stuff - website, medium profile and posts, maybe eventually a GoodReads author page that sort of thing. Eventually I think this will likely need to be a twice a week appointment but we’re gonna start smaller since I’m also learning the copywriting stuff. 

This is going to be my schedule for the remaining four weeks I have of work until my six weeks off. I’m going to need to spend some time thinking about what my summer schedule is going to be but I think I need to wait until June 9th or so to start working on that because otherwise I won’t be able to get any of my day job work done because I’ll be so excited about my break. I’m so excited about having six weeks off. 

I’ve seen some planners and things and I am thinking about trying some of them out. Having a schedule to stick to I think could be really beneficial. 

So my big goals for next two months or so are:

Finishing the Copywriting material
Getting my website up and running
Posting to it and Medium 
Learning about MailChimp and or ConvertKit
Edit Mrs. Claus stories and submit mine 
Edit Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack Stories
Write, edit, and submit a story for Writer’s Market 
Write my manuscript/story for DragonCon
Read Story Genius and complete activities 
Read The Artist’s Way 

This week will be again:

Daily: 

15 Minutes Exercising
15 minutes on Copywriting 
15 minutes reading for writing improvement 
15 minutes a day editing 
60 minutes a day writing

Weekly:
30 minutes on promotional work 

At work I should also get a bunch of fall stuff rebooked and planned - especially August/September stuff. 

I got a ton of shit to do y’all so wish me luck! 

float_on_alright: never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburts you're a pink starburst (never let anyone treat you like a yellow)
 
Since I’ve finished Wynonna Earp and my Mrs. Claus stories (Reb has kindly looked through my Mrs. Claus so it’s still in the editing process) I haven’t been sure what I wanted to work on next. I picked up working on a creepy story I started while I was working on the StoryADay challenge - it was one of the ones I liked the concept of from stories I wrote or started during those days. I have a little more written in it since I started it but it’s a creepy topic/story to me and since I’m holding down the fort with just the dog, I don’t want to work on that after dark. It’s one thing to work on it when it’s sunny and warm, but not this close to dark. 

So I don’t feel good working on that tonight since I’ll end up giving myself nightmares. I mean I’m hoping it means I’m writing a good story if I’m giving myself the creeps writing it. 

Does Stephen King get creeped out by his own stories, I wonder? I should read his “On Writing” book again. My mom actually bought that book for me when I was about 13 - 14 and I started talking about wanting to be a writer. She's such a good momma. Especially considering I’m pretty sure she hates Stephen King.

Not the point. I have a short romance story I really like but it’s super short and I don’t think it would be good for submitting to the Writer’s Market Competition. I would like to submit something to that but I am just not sure what I would want to send in. Maybe the horror story if I can finish and edit it in time. It’s due by something like the 30 or 31st of May so I don’t have a lot of time left. But I’m also trying to face my fears as far as submission and possible publication so it’s important for me to keep working forward. 

I do wanna say I had a wonderful day today. I spent several hours in the sun today - the pools had a party for kicking off the summer pool months and for the renovations at the clubhouse and clubhouse pool that I went to. They had a lot of fun games for the kids (not that adults weren’t allowed to play too - they were). They had a MC and everything. He played some good music and the games for the kids were pretty clever. I bet the parents were glad of the games because I’d bet money those kids were worn out after that afternoon at the pool. I spent 3 hours and change there. The sun always leaves me feeling a little drowsy. The dog and I also did a couple of hundredths shy of a mile and a half walking today which was fun. But meant more time in the sun. Basically, I’m sunburned and sleepy. Lol. 

Plus I was woken up several times this morning high was okay the second time but I was a little annoyed about the first. I did wanna say goodbye to my folks before they went off on their road trip, but they woke me up and it was almost 30 minutes before they actually left after that and they wanted me to help with stuff. I probably still would’ve gone back to sleep after that, but I got back in bed only to hear them come back because they’d forgotten something and since that was like the third time I’d been hauled out of bed I figured I’d just get up. It was still a nice morning. I watched an NCISLA and at breakfast before heading to the pool around noon. 

The pool was great as I mentioned. I did spend like an hour just surfing Facebook which I think I may have needed to spend most of today just unwinding. I feel like Facebook is such a waste of time but I was watching some funny videos and a couple of sweet ones so it wasn't just memes about people's political opinions and I have been working hard lately. I need to do better with the job I'm currently paid to do so that it will continue to take care of me until such time as I figure out how to make money writing. 

Anyway, I'm worn out. I've got a big to-do list for tomorrow so I had better get some sleep. Peace. 

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Kate

July 2017

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