I am a walking zombie today. I’ve been juggling so much and pushing up against my own fears so constantly so I’m just driving on fumes. Last night I tried to go to bed early to help me make up the difference and I ended up having crazy dreams and waking up every hour or two all night so I’m even more tired instead.
I did some editing today. I worked hard on editing and I think the work I did was good work but I do a lot more “cutting of words” than I do adding so it looks like “negative” words instead of positive words on my word count spreadsheet.
The other problem I’m finding I have is that it is sometimes hard for me to switch between “writer brain” and “editor brain.” They're not the same brain. Or at least not the same mode.
It’s not hard to go from writer to editor brain, typically, but it’s just editor to writer. I probably need to incorporate writing sprints more often to help me swap my brain function. That may be a tactic I employ over the summer so that I can make sure I’m doing a bit of both on a regular basis.
I’m in the midst of a panic attack again though I think this one is partly indigestion and part exhaustion and overwhelm. I know most of the overwhelm is “just in my head” but as tired as I am, I’m having a hard time battling my own brain over the subject.
I part of me is saying “oh don’t worry! You’ll have plenty of time this summer!” And part of me is like, “YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON THIS SUMMER IT’S GONNA BE OVER BEFORE YOU BLINK WHEN ARE YOU GONNA WRITE ALL THIS?” So there’s a lot of rioting going on with me at the moment.
I’m trying to find a balance between being productive enough and getting enough other leisure. I really ought to give myself a little bit of a pat on the back for working on three stories today, taking a walk, doing line dancing in the afternoon, spending some time writing, and as always reading about writing, editing, and publishing techniques. I cleaned the bathtub today too which was ridiculous. Seriously, I only get like two showers before I have to clean the damn thing again.
Anyway, I’m heading to bed early. If I don’t write 30,000 words this month, I’m just going to have to forgive myself.