May. 5th, 2017

float_on_alright: our ship is a yacht (yacht)
I need to write my story for today but I haven’t gotten there yet. I’m at the beach again this weekend, which is amazing. I’m so incredibly thankful that I get to be here again this weekend. Mom and I are both here and dad of course too. He’s having trouble with one of his teeth and he’s concerned he’s going to have to have a root canal or something which is stressful. I certainly hope that’s not the case. 

It’s a bit chilly here so I’ve got on my hoodie and a I’ve got a blanket draped over me but I couldn’t resist coming out on our little porch to write for a bit. We’re on the ocean front so while I can hear a few voices floating up from the hot tubs and the pools, mostly I just hear the waves and the breeze. There are a couple of girls (okay, I can’t say 100% that they’re girls from the balcony of a 9th floor condo but I’m fairly certain) on a blanket on the beach. They’re facing each other and it kind of looks like a picnic date. 

It’s not fair of me to hope, when I see two girls together, that they’re a couple or at least it makes me feel as though I’m devaluing friendship when I do. I don’t ever want to devalue friendship. Real friendship between women is one of the most beautiful and sacred things on this planet and I’d never want to degrade it in any way, it’s just I want to see women romantically and sexually loving women too, in happy, mutual, real life ways. I don’t get to see it in real life often and I just crave that kind of thing in my life. It’s not fair to other women, but there you go. 

The waves are incredibly peaceful and I feel like I could fall asleep in this chair which would be ridiculous because it’s a plastic porch chair you can find a Harris Teeter for $19.99 but I am a bit sleepy, I have had a drink, I am cozy all wrapped in my blanket and hoodie, and the the ocean is quite lulling so there you go. 

I do have to say that I was proud of myself today. I did make a call to my senators about the health care thing. I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I’ll know I did the best I could signing petitions and calling both my senators. I was thankful that all I had to do was leave a quick voicemail for both senators. I was so nervous and speaking with a real person would’ve made that nervousness worse, but it was important that I do it, no matter what the final outcome. 

I’m also proud that I’ve written four stories so far this month. Four. I know that’s not a whole lot or anything and I know I have a lot of days to go but I’ve never had a start to a month like this and it feels amazing. I’ve also been invited to contribute to another person’s personal development blog and I have Wordpress installed on my web domain so I can start the next step in having my very own website - how bout that? I’d like to get it going, then post the first blog post, and THEN write for and their Medium presence. I don’t, however, want to put off the post so long I don’t do it at all which is tricky. 

I spent more money than my goal. Shopping has been something I’ve used to battle anxiety and depression in the past and with the challenges I’ve been putting myself up to lately, I think my subconscious decided to throw a bit of a fit. Poor thing is a bit scared. I don’t know that it recognizes who I am any more. 

I’d very much like to head to bed, but I still need to write a story. I don’t know what I’m going to write about. Maybe I’ll do my best to get over my shit and write a story about two girls on a late night beach picnic date. 

If I can do something short - maybe just enough to get 1000 words for the night (including this which is a little over 600 at this point) then I’ll head on in to sleep. 

More updates soon. 


float_on_alright: i'm known as actually (Default)

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